Previously on RHONJ
Albie failed out of law school (wasn’t this on last week’s previously on RHONJ?)
The epic battle is re-enacted for us…again.
We find Teresa brushing her children’s hair. Aww, parenting. Poor Joe, just imagine when these girls are ages 13-20. Nightmarish. Joe most likely wishes he had a son so he takes the drama queens to some kind of martial arts class (Tae Kwon Do! Thanks Teresa). Milania is a brat, but there is no denying that she is adorable. Gabriella, the most sensible one, wants to go out to eat. That’s how I used to feel when my dad would make me participate in physical activities. Dad encourages them to beat the sh*t out of each other. Awww parenting.
Meanwhile, in looneyville, Danielle meets up with her friends with benefits Danny (Right? They have to be sleeping together. This is before she discovered she was a lesbian 3 weeks ago on WWHL) at a boxing studio, where she is also teaching her daughters how to fight! My mom taught me self defense my chasing me around the house with a wooden spoon, no fancy, expensive boxing classes! (Sorry for writing that mom!)
Danielle pretends to be punching Jacqueline and Teresa and gets pretty intense. She is such a good role model for those girls of hers! (Has children’s services removed them from her care yet? They have to watch Bravo too, right?) And we get the line they teased the whole season with, “It only takes one good smack to the head to make a person never walk again.” How is this woman not in jail? Or, where she actually belongs, the looneybin for housewives! (Kelly Killeron Bensimon is getting lonely!)
Jacqueline! Going to Kim G’s house just encourages her to continue her quest to be on the show! Come on, I usually think you are the closest to a rational one. At least we get good, cute baby shots in this scene. Hi baby! Is the rest of this season going to focus on the hair pulling incident? Maybe Bravo should consider bringing some new housewives in to supplement. Preferably ones who AREN’T named Kim.
So now we are back to the storyline of Caroline’s kids are now adults and she is sad/Albie failed out of law school and is therefore a failure in life (not really Albie! Keep your chin up!)
Teresa goes to Poshe to see Kim D and apologize for the fashion show. New Jersey seems like a funny place. Everything seems to be located in a strip mall (or at least everywhere these women frequent.) Anyway…more talking about the fight, which I am bored with at this point. Oh what a coincidence! Kim G shows up! Let’s sidetrack here for a minute, who let’s Kim G leave the house dressed the way she always is?! For the love of God doesn’t this woman have anyone in her life that could say “Hey mom/wife/friend/employer (I’m looking at you Harry the driver!) you look like a 5-year-old playing dress-up! Go change!”
And now we get Ashley’s side of the story and we get a flashback of animal pajama night at the Laurita household. Naturally Caroline thinks that Ashley’s intentions were right because, in case you didn’t know, they’re family is AS THICK AS THIEVES. Old and gross are two adjectives I also would use to describe Danielle. Sometimes I can’t help but agree with you, Ashley. She also makes the very valid point that Danielle always talks about how she’s broke and yet spends money on luxury items like hair extensions (and Range Rovers…and Chanel bags…and Louboutins…)
Apparently Joe owns a little real estate, as in a pizza restaurant, laundromat and apartments (yikes, is this a preview of their future life…love you Teresa! Sorry I wrote that! But it might be true…) Even Joe jokes that this is their future life for when they get kicked out of their house! Yes Teresa, you are going to be living in those apartments. The editors at Bravo must have had a field day with that one!
Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like Danielle looks creepier as each episode progresses. I swear her face looks different, eyebrows higher…and maybe a little more leathery….And she totally has some Ramona eyes going on in her interviews. Danny’s friend is represents how we all feel right now….staring off into space and nodding every once in a while to pretend like he’s listening. Karma will most likely also be a huge bitch to you Danielle when your daughters go off the deep end in the next few years. That’s YOUR fault Danielle.
Albie gets the letter he has been waiting for; he can go to law school again! Yay! Can this storyline be over…?
Teresa takes her kids to show them their new home! And begins training them for their new jobs! (child labor laws, schmild schlabor laws.)
Danielle’s “friends” (I see you KIM G) come to support her as she talks to the police about the incident. Naturally, she has two attorneys for a case about a 19-year-old girl pulling her weave out. Nobody yelled that they were going to kill you Danielle. In case you forgot, there are cameras that follow you everywhere! This is all on tape in the Bravo archives!
I don’t like when Jacqueline goes places without her baby, but I guess even reality stars need a break sometimes. Instead of freaking out, like most women of the housewives franchise would, Jacqueline calmly accepts the news that Danielle is pressing charges against her. Ashley should have listened to her mother! (My mom would be so happy that I said that, but then tell me to take my own advice. Sorry again mom!)
Caroline wants Danielle to leave them alone and Danielle wants the Manzos to leave her alone…but that’s not going to happen, since they are all on a reality TV show together…how many more weeks until the reunion?!
Wait a minute, does Danielle think that people go to jail for ripping other people’s weaves out? Like, she actually thinks Ashley could go to jail for this…?
Kim G! Get off my TV! You tell her Jacqueline! I hope Jacqueline doesn’t actually want Kim G on her arm when they go to court. I don’t want them to be friends! You are so much better than that, Jacqueline!
Well, this episode was pretty boring. I hope this season perks up soon. Next week doesn’t look that promising.
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