Previously on RHONJ:
They all went to Italy...blah blah blah
We find our housewives docking in Naples, where the Guidices almost get left on the boat. That would not have been unfortunate for anyone. Except maybe Joe. Anyway, they make it and all board a tour bus together. With other people! Those poor people. I am sensing a rift may be to come in Caroline and Teresa’s friendship, as Teresa’s kids are annoying as shit and Caroline has been forced to deal with.
Back in NJ, Danielle’s days are numbered since we all have heard by now that she was fired from the show. She tries starting up a new storyline for herself by really pushing this biological mother thing. All this time we all assumed that Danielle had daddy issues, but as it turns out she has mommy issues! I continue to be completely perplexed by how well adjusted Danielle’s children are. I guess this will just be one of the great mysteries of my life.
I always forget that Chris and Caroline are siblings. How strange is that? Chris never says things like “we’re thick as thieves”. The meal they eat in Naples looks amazing, I wish I were there. It’s made even better by the fact that we get our first cutestbabyever shot in awhile!!!!! This happy moment is short lived though, as we immediately go back to the nightmare that this vacation actually is with the revelation that they will all have to hike up a cliff the next day. Dina has to be thrilled that she got off the show before this.
Danielle can’t help it and resorts back to the only story line that has kept her on that show, complaining about the other women. Danny reveals that Ashley’s “friends” have been coming to him and asking what they can do for him. Wait, Danny is a creepy guy who hangs around teenagers? Almost as shocking as Joe’s bitching about spending money.
The gang finally arrives in Joe and Teresa’s families’ hometown where cutestbabyever is appropriately treated like a king and carried up the mountain. This awful trip saves a little face when Joe’s adorably typical Italian grandmother appears on our screens. So sweet! So happy! So not the typical “guest star” on the show just looking for screen time! We actually get some peaceful moment with the housewives visiting with Joe’s family. Naturally, this doesn’t last long.
Danielle hires a PI to find her birth mother, who may or may not be able to find her (so helpful). Can you imagine if Danielle actually finds this woman? The horror of knowing Danielle Staub is your spawn! Terrifying.
Everyone arrives home safe and sound and apparently still friends? Hm, interesting.
Next week is the season finale!! Praise the Lord!!!! (Sorry, I used to love this show, but I am over it.)
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