Previously on RHONJ:
Teresa spent more money she doesn’t have
Caroline wants her husband to retire
Ashley sucks
Since we last left our heroes, Joe has crashed his car; luckily TMZ was there to capture the whole thing. Joe says he was driving home at 1:30 AM, wasn’t drunk (Jacqueline assured us, through her slur that he “wasn’t even drinking that night.) Apparently he yawned and closed his eyes for a second, which caused him to floor it and then he hit a pole and miraculously, is still in one piece. He happened to crash in front of a family friends house…who offered him scotch and he gladly accepted! Before the cops came!
Oh goody! We get Danielle’s perspective on Joe’s accident at the same time! Danny says Joe was arrested for getting a DWI. Oh Danielle can hardly contain herself! Naturally, Danielle knows exactly what happened so she takes it upon herself to tell us what a terrible person Joe is.
Teresa is feeling stressed out about how much everyone has been talking about Joe’s accident, so she proposes that everyone goes on a trip to Italy! Hijinks are sure to ensue! So Caroline goes to ask Albert what he thinks about this trip and also to get a little attention, because she is lonely. Albert doesn’t want kids there, but Teresa’s kids know how to work this one. Poor Albert, I wouldn’t want to go on vacation with these kids either. Meanwhile, at Jacqueline’s house cutestbabyever is dressed up in a little Italian outfit! It’s amazing! Chris Laurita is the only one who readily agrees to this trip…Albert eventually comes around, and poor, poor Joe is forced once again into spending money he doesn’t have. Naturally, the grandparents are coming because these housewives don’t want to deal with their children while on vacation!
Watching everyone pack is boring. Except for Milania, it is pretty adorable to see a 3 year old packing her own suitcase. The only thing that could be cuter would be if cutestbabyever packed his own suitcase.
Ashley is not allowed to go on the trip because she has to work. Jacqueline trusting that Ashley won’t have parties or play house with her boyfriend? A little naive.
I can’t imagine going on this trip. I feel stressed out just watching these 20 people try to collect themselves and leave Teresa’s house. Yikes. And Jacqueline’s mom breaking the vase? They could have auctioned that off!
So we arrive in Venice and everyone goes on a “romantic” gondola ride, with no singing and Milania falling off the boat…well not really, but I kept thinking she was going to. After the exciting rides Teresa wants to go to Chanel and Joe wants to get food, the cheaper alternative to Chanel. Naturally, they all lose each other and Chanel is closed (I told you! Hijinks!) Then they have to take water taxis to get to the cruise ship! More hijinks!
The cruise ship is INCREDIBLE (can I live there?) Gia’s leopard on leopard on leopard ensemble, however, is not incredible. I wonder if she was wearing her silver Juicy Couture purse with it.
Chris and Joe escape the chaos so they can…gossip about Danielle? Then they decide they should go on vacation together once a year! Twice a year says Joe!
Somehow Caroline and Albert, the two that wanted to go on this vacation as just couples, get stuck babysitting the childrenfromhell (if only it had just been cutestbabyever). While Jacqueline and Chris enjoy some regular couple time and take a cooking class. Like regular people would on a cruise ship!
Everyone wakes up in the morning and it’s Milania’s birthday! Jacqueline’s hungover and I can only imagine that being hungover on a boat is a million times worse than being hungover on my couch. But anyway, she is unable to attend Milania’s “eat party”, which even Milania apparently did not want to attend. Then we have an awkward conversation about the mafia while Jacqueline voms some more. Also, has anyone checked CJ’s breathing? He appears lifeless.
Next week:
More Italy!
Danielle is still looking for her birth mom…ugh.
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