Tonight on The Bachelorette:
We’re forced to endure 2 hours of The Bachelorette that doesn’t include Chris L. I am not happy about this.
Oh look! A bunch of guys I don’t remember! Except Kirk, I do remember him! And Crazy Kasey woo! And as I predicted, Justin and Frank are not there! I am going on a limb and guessing that the surprise guest is Jessie…that girl lives for Bachelor related things.
I wonder if Kasey feels awkward watching Ali make fun of him in this interview?
UGHHHH FRANK EVEN TAKES OVER EPISODES THAT HE ISN’T IN. Silly me, thinking I wouldn’t have to relive Frank getting back together with his ex-girlfriend for a 6th time.
Cutting to commercial, they tease something about Frank and something about Justin. Why are they STILL pretending that Frank and Justin are there? THEY AREN’T! We can see! Although I am going to predict (and I am writing this right now at 8:18 PM in case they announce this later in the show, I guessed it first!) that Frank will be at the “After the Final Rose” taping. They are stretching this out as looooong as they can.
I don’t feel motivated to even set my DVR for the 20/20 special after.
The clip of Roberto popping the champagne in Ali’s face is proof that the editors are cheering for Roberto. He always appears to be smooth and have it together while Chris is awkward (I love awkward!), so they conveniently left this part out of the show.
Do you want to know what that clip of Frank’s dad giving that stupid toast made me think? “SHUT UP FRANK’S DAD.”
Chris Harrison can’t believe that Ali can’t remember putting on a space helmet during her date with Kasey. Umm..she was blacked out, obviously. That girl drinks like a fish.
These are not the most memorable men, Chris Harrison. I honestly remember 5 of them (Craig R! I liked him! Kirk, Weatherman, Kasey and Ty)
After the Final Rose! Frank! I knew it!
Why is the weatherman talking? Nobody asked him a question. Chris N spent way too much time in a spray tan. The real reason that Chris Harrison is laughing is because he looks like an oompa loompa.
I have a feeling the number one topic of this 2 (long, painful) hour episode will be Kasey’s tattoo. If I had any hard liquor readily available, I would take a shot every time they said “guard and protect her heart”
So, they aren’t going to pick the next bachelor from this group of guys, right? I know I talked about how much I wanted Chris to be the next bachelor…but not really. He is way too normal. But anyway, none of the other guys could sustain an audience, don’t you think. Even though Craig R is very funny!
These guys are picking on weatherman because they know it’s the only way they could get on camera. No one remembers your names! Who the h is Jesse V (B?) I do not remember him at all.
It’s good to see that the guys say nice things about Kasey. Even though they all talked crap about him in their interviews. Bros are a funny creature.
OMG we are seriously reliving the Frank story AGAIN?! She totally would have picked Frank in the end. I wonder how Roberto feels about that…? By the way, is Frank’s girlfriend 19? I was too busy hating Frank last week to notice, but doesn’t she look and sound very young? Why am I recapping this again?! I am giving into the producers evil ways!
Hmm…maybe Craig R could be the next bachelor? Do you think that is what he is trying to do? He is totally hogging screen time, but he is saying the most rational things! Team Craig R! I will recap the Bachelor if it stars Craig! (But will only go on it if it’s Chris L! Take note ABC!)
Thank you Chris Harrison for telling us that Kasey was there! I had no idea! There had been no mention of him and his tattoo and his desire to guard and protect Ali’s heart. (SHOT!) Please stop showing him singing. This is awkward for all of us. Mostly me. How did Kasey get a one-on-one date in the first place? And Craig R never did? Team Craig R! (Hey, I need someone to root for on this show since my beloved Chris L isn’t included.) Ohh, apparently Chris Harrison might feel more awkward than me when Kasey sings. I get that. He had to be there. Kasey’s tattoo is strange, but okay, at last he didn’t get a tattoo of Ali’s name, or her face. Or “Mr. Kasey Fedotowsky” (But would that really have surprised anyone?)
Oh, Kirky, you’re such a nice guy. But even if Frank would have left before you, she still would have picked Chris and Roberto over you. You are a winner though! Girls will throw themselves at you now! Look at all those women in the audience; they are undressing you with their eyes!
Craig R! Voice of reason! One of my favorite parts of this season was when they played Justin’s voicemails while he ran away from Ali. That was genius! Apparently Justin chose not to be there. But after last season’s fiasco with Rozlyn, I have a feeling they probably encouraged him not to come. The bros are so offended that Justin played them too. Oh bros! Here’s what I will say about Justin, though. Yes, he is hated by women in America and all these guys, but I did see a picture of him with Snooki. And these days, knowing Snooki is huge. Make of that what you will.
Aha! Jessie is there! So I correctly predicted all the surprises tonight! I am a genius! Or I spend way too much of my free time watching reality television…Jessie retells the Justin story. I am too tired to type it out. We all know what happened.
Gee, I wonder why Ali would be nervous about seeing a bunch of guys she dumped on national tv? Nothing nerve-wracking about that. Are they ever going to talk about Chris L? I’m beginning to lose my patients. Why do they have talk about Justin again? Remember how you already interviewed her in the beginning, Chris Harrison? You guys already covered the topic. Kasey, stop singing. Please stop. Please stop. I know you are poking fun at yourself, but this is making me really uncomfortable, and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s all about me.
Finally!!! We get to Chris L! I knew they couldn’t deprive me of him. If only this montage could have lasted for the better part of this show.
And now we get a promo for Bachelor Pad!! Yippee!! Ewwww why is Elizabeth blond now?! What was she thinking? This show looks incredibly trashy. I already love it.
The weatherman’s “voicemails” that played at the end were pretty hilarious. Well done weatherman, you were a creepy toolbag the whole time you were on the show, but here was your one moment to shine.
Until next week, when we have the most DRAMATIC rose ceremony ever during the most DRAMATIC finale ever on the most ROMANTIC island ever.
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