Sorry I’m 2 days late! Real job got in the way of my blogging! The nerve!
Previously on RHONJ
Danielle punches things
Teresa sees her future
Albie failed out of law school (SERIOUSLY? WE GET IT)
Danielle is pressing charges against Ashley for pulling her hair
Jacqueline is piiiiissed at Kim G
Joe is teaching the kids to begin to like simple things like Monopoly! Oh my, can you imagine? Having to play board games with your family for entertainment. Joe and Teresa’s 10th anniversary is coming up. She, of course, wants a fantastic present. Joe already knows that whatever he is going to buy her they are going to have to auction off in six months.
Meanwhile, in the asylum (wait what?? She still hasn’t joined Kelly Killeron Bensimon there yet??), Danielle is planning a sweet 16 for her daughter, but make no mistake, this is about Danielle. Danielle never had anyone throw her a birthday party until she was 47, awww the good old days when she was friends with Kim G (aka 3 weeks ago)
How are Danielle’s children so well adjusted? 15 year old Christine wants to donate the money raised at her party to charity. Danielle is excited about this because she thinks she is the charity Christine will donate to. I also am in hopes (is that English, Danielle?) that the girl’s dad with show up because I am interested to see what kind of person would be married to Danielle.
Jacqueline and Caroline are forced to have family talk time, since Dina isn’t on the show anymore. The subject, per usual, is Kim G (which is the only thing they have to talk about besides Danielle). Caroline tells Jacqueline that she needs to tell as few people as possible about this. Yes, this is very personal to their family, that is why the Bravo film crew is taping the whole thing for the entire country to watch. Very personal.
I love the wine glasses Teresa has. I want those. You could drink a whole bottle of wine out of one glass. Joe tries to subtly tell Chris about their money troubles while Teresa tells Jacquline that it doesn’t matter what she gets as long as it’s big (diamonds and diamonds and diamonds). Apparently to want the crown jewels you have to be Arabic. Ahh, to be inside Teresa’s head.
Albie is joining the police academy and got a haircut and we are forced to endure more unnecessary family time with the Manzos. You know what, at least Albie is motivated. Yes, he failed out of law school, and yes, I thought it was annoying that they focused on it for too many episodes, but at least he is doing something else with his life for the time being. Can’t say the same thing about those other kids (I’m looking at you, Christopher Manzo).
Danielle is now pimping her younger daughter’s music career, something else that she will be able to profit from. Danielle, the always encouraging mother, tells Christine to stop eating chocolate, because “that’s gross.” You know, Christine, her daughter that passed our during her first runway show because she hadn’t eaten…yeah…You know what might Jillian feel better? If her mom didn’t make her rehearse while she was super nervous with the camera on her. Just a thought.
Joe and Teresa are going on a trip. Taking a cue from The Bachelor/Bachelorette producers, they take a helicopter. Is Jersey City close to The Hamptons? I don’t think I have ever associated those two places together? But what do I, the Midwesterner, know? So, Teresa did get a diamond, and it is a beautiful ring. BRB I’m going to see if I can find it on Ebay now
We get some 80s cop music playing over a scene of Albie lifting weights. More Manzo family time! Hmm…Albie’s hair has suspiciously grown back fast.
Sweet 16 time! There’s a step and repeat at this party? Wait, why am I surprised, this is Danielle Staub. Naturally, Danielle has to do whatever she can to draw as much attention to herself at her daughter’s party, so she is going to wear her engagement ring when she sees her ex-husband. So we backtrack and see Christine picking out the dresses for her party that we already saw hanging up in their house…
I always forget to DVR Watch What Happens Live!!! That show is amazing, drunk Andy Cohen is my favorite television host of all time.
Suddenly, we are no longer watching RHONJ, now it’s an episode of My Super Sweet 16!! Christine’s sweet 16 party is becoming more and more about Jillian singing, no wonder they hate each other.
Oh good, we’re back to RHONJ and yet another argument between Jacqueline and Ashley about Ashley not listening and the charges Danielle is pressing blah blah blah.
Back to My Super Sweet 16! Wait, I thought Danielle hated Kim G? I cannot keep up with their friendship. Here he is! Mr. Tom Staub, he of course looks like a greaseball. Danielle begins her quest to get her ex-husband back. Danielle, remember when Christine didn’t feel well and she almost passed out on the runway? Maybe you shouldn’t ignore your daughter when she says her stomach hurts. How did all these kids luck into getting invited to his party? I kind of wish I had been there. Danielle makes sure everyone knows that these girls are HER daughters, okay; don’t forget people this is about her.
Now we get the same ending to every episode, Chris and Jacqueline talking about Ashley’s terrible behavior. Sorry I was too busy reading my twitter feed to keep up, and too lazy to hit the rewind button.
Next week:
Dina’s back!!
Kim G and Danielle break up for good!!
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