We pick up immediately following the departure of Gia (and Weatherman, but nobody cares). Wes is fuming that his friends sent home his pretend girlfriend, while Dave is mad that Wes forced him to vote Gia out…to her face. These people really need to spend some time outside of this house. Or what? Anyway, Natalie brilliantly points out that this game isn’t about who can eat the most pie, it’s about building relationships. Wes is most likely going home this week.
The door bell rings and out bachelor/ettes have to anonymously fill out a survey judging their fellow contestants! Brilliant! This spells train wreck and that is what this show really needs right now. The next morning Melissa gathers everyone in the back yard. (We also get our first use of “chopping block” this episode. Thanks Kovacs!) Anyway, the challenge is to guess how the majority of the house voted on the “anonymous” survey.
First question: Who do most of you believe is going to win? Answer: Kiptyn, and a lot of people guessed this correct.
Q: Who is your biggest enemy? Majority answer: Krisily. Gosh, what a bitch. Such a bitch, that she doesn’t seem to care.
Q: Who is the most shallow? (Um, wouldn’t that be shallowest?) Answer: Elizabeth, which was a no brainer.
Q: Who is the dumbest? (Again, really? Dumbest? They couldn’t have come up with a better way to say it?) Answer: Gwen…what? Does she even talk to the other people? Was no one listening when Elizabeth said she didn’t know what shallow meant? Don’t they all have to spend extended periods with Natalie? Tenley has gone 4 for 4, so she wins the rose for the women.
Q: Who do you secretly have a crush on? Answer: Dave (even Dave knew that).
Q: Who will be a bridesmaid, but never a bride? Answer: Natalie. Uh oh. Does this mean Dave doesn’t want to marry her?
Q: Who is considered to be the biggest jerk by the group? Answer: Wes…probably because he threw a hissy fit last night right before they filled out these surveys.
Q: Who has the worst boob job? Answer: This was obviously going to be Elizabeth, but Kovacs can’t vote for her, or else he won’t get any tonight! Yay Jesse B!
Tenley and Jesse each get to take one person on a date. Elizabeth cries about her bad boob job (and uses “chopping block” twice.) There is too much talk about Kovacs going home tonight, which makes it very obviously that Kovacs will NOT be going home tonight.
After the challenge, the girls all join Elizabeth in her sob fest. Natalie wants to be a bride so bad! Stupid Gwen comforts her in the shower. Dave, however, does not. Jesse Kovacs talks a lot about feelings in his interview segment. Ah, this is the bachelor we know and love.
Tenley’s date card comes and we all know who she is going to take on her date. It took awhile, but we finally get to our first helicopter date on Bachelor Pad. Weirdly, Kiptyn has never been on a helicopter ride before which blows my mind. Wasn’t he the runner up on his season? Doesn’t everyone go on a helicopter while on the Bachelor/ette? Next, another Bachelor favorite, zip lining! The next 10 minutes plays out like the Disney movie that is always playing in Tenley’s head. Love and feelings and kisses! Oh, and a rose. Now the real question, will they stay in the fantasy suite? Yes they will (in the most PG fantasy suite this show has ever seen, I’m sure.)
Jesse B’s date card come and he picks Peyton because she is his flavor of the day (seriously, I’m pretty sure he has gone through a phase of wanting each girl in the house, am I right?) Whatever, he’s hot. Also, Kovacs continues his quest to be cast as the next Bachelor now that Chris L has turned down the job. Love and feelings and kisses!
The next day Jesse B and Peyton set out on their romantic adventure. Not surprisingly, they go flying. Surprisingly, it’s not in a helicopter. What we learn on this date: Peyton loves corn dogs and Jesse thinks that makes a good wife. And they are both awesome. He also gives her the rose early in the evening so she doesn’t have to worry, aww, young love. Next, they decide to get wasted. Bad idea, as Jesse is a sloppy drunk. Not romantic. For the second week in a row Jesse and Peyton get the short end of the stick on the fantasy suite. They only get to stay in a room upstairs? Not in Catalina? Or Vegas. Lame.
Want to know what is going on back at the house? Krisily thinks she is on the chopping block. She also tries to get on Dave again. Unsuccessfully. Peyton and Jesse B come back from their date and sit on opposite sides of the couch. Oh no!
The next day everyone is sitting around the pool strategizing, as some of them are on the chopping block. It is going to be interesting to see how this voting comes out because we all know the girls are going to send Wes home, even though they claim they are voting for Kovacs, who feels like he is for sure on the chopping block. Sorry Wes, you’re going home. Chris Harrison, however, doesn’t agree and tells them they are all on the chopping block. Sometimes Nikki looks like Melissa Rycroft. I wonder if that every confused Jason.
The men in couples decide they are going to vote for Gwen because nobody knows her. This is too obvious, so I’m pretty sure she is not going home. However, Dave jumps the gun and tells Krisily they are going to vote for Gwen, which makes her jump for joy that she is not on the chopping block. Dave takes advantage of Krisily’s desire to bang him and convinces her to vote for Wes.
Not surprisingly, it comes down to Krisily and Gwen for the women, and Kovacs and Wes for the men. Gwen and Kovacs are safe. What? Dave used Krisily? How dare he! (Also, it should be noted that Dave got one more “chopping block” in.)
Next week: lots of making out in the hot tub! 3 girls leave at once! Madness.
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