Tonight on The Bachelorette: Ali has two amazing men who both want to propose to her. Must be hard to be her.
Notice that they aren’t showing any clips of her talking to either guy as she is standing there at the end with the final rose? Suspicious.
The finale is going to be unforgettable! They found a new adjective! I have watched every season on this show (is that embarrassing?), and this is honestly the first time I have ever liked both people left at the end. I mean, I guess I have a small inclination towards one of them (I LOVE YOU CHRIS L), but I think they are both genuinely good guys and that she really can’t make a bad decision here (unless she chooses to get back together with Frank. Why do I have a terrible feeling that this snarky comment could come true?)
Ali takes time to reflect as she rides across the beautiful water on a beautiful boat. Has she been seeing Snooki’s spray tanner? We get the same speeches about each guy as last episode (minus Frank! Hallelujah!) Guess what? She’s falling in love with Roberto. Guess what else? She is starting to fall in love with Chris! New revelations!
So first up to meet the fam is Roberto. He seems to have brought a present, good move! Roberto loves to wear plaid, but the more I think about it, so does Ali. Soul mates! We meet Ali’s parents and brother and sister. Weirdly she looks nothing like any of the members of her family…will that tie into tonight’s unforgettable finale? “Ali you have been dumped and also, you are adopted.”
So we get to lunch and Ali is already hammered. Roberto spends some time talking to the sibs while Ali talks to her parents about how Roberto calms her down, which is good, they do balance each other nicely. Roberto wastes no time charming all the ladies (mom appears to turn to mush as soon as he starts to talk). Momma speaks in Spanish to make him feel welcome in their family. I then tried to picture my mom doing something like this and almost peed my pants from laughing so hard.
Roberto thinks that Ali's dad is going to ask some really hard questions. No he’s not, this is a TV show, silly Roberto! Of course, Roberto is going to ask his permission to propose. Roberto says a big thing for him is making the person he is with happy. That should probably be something that all human beings feel? Personal opinion. Dad pretends like he is not going to give his blessing, but guess what! He does. Duh, again guys, it’s a TV show. Ali is excited because instead of being the drunk idiot dancing at the party alone, everyone is dancing!! Roberto did a good job with the family (but Chris is totally going to do better.)
Time for Ali to take my boyfriend Chris to meet her family. I was so nice to lend him to her for the day! Chris is feeling relaxed in his interview segment so he unbuttoned his shirt. No complaints. The family is thrilled to learn he is from Massachusetts. I believe he already won. Ali’s mom is a nurse and so was Chris’ mom! Chris used to be a teacher and so did dad (and the sister)! So much in common! Chris does fit in nicely with her family, just like Ali fit in nicely with his family. It’s so unfortunate that I’m 95% sure that whatever the outcome of this show is, it doesn’t end with her picking Chris. (LOL JK I want Chris for myself.)
Ali’s mom wants Chris to talk about his mom. If he cries, I’m done. He does such a good job! Even though he is clearly uncomfortable he still talks about it! Mom, of course, loves that he quit his job to go home and take care of his mom, as all moms would. OKAY SERIOUSLY, is Ali’s brother Asian?! What is going on in this family? Chris seems pretty confident that he is going to be the one proposing to Ali. Poor guy. Chris and Ali’s Asian brother seem like they could be brahs. They love the Sox duh!
Now it’s time for Chris to ask permission to propose. Ah, every father’s dream. Two different men, who have only known their daughter for two months wanting to propose. What does family orientated mean? Just wondering why there aren’t more scenes of Chris without his shirt on, no? As predicted (my God, I am always right!) Chris does amazing with the fam. It seemed very natural. How much do you want to bet that if Ali picks Chris in the end, they will Photoshop a rainbow in? Too bad we won’t learn the answer to this.
Ali gets her fam’s final opinion, dad likes Roberto. Sibs love Chris. Ali’s intelligent sister points out that Chris is more of a real person and it’s more of a real relationship, a wise girl that one is. Mom might be wasted, I see where Ali gets it. I think mom is Team Chris, or maybe Team Chris’ mom? What is with this woman’s fascination?! Morbid.
Ali is unsurprisingly wearing a shade of yellow. Run. Hug. Lift. Roberto is already sweating up a storm. That guy is sweaty. But I guess when you look like that you can be super sweaty and it doesn’t really matter. There day is filled with all typical Bachelor dates. Jet skiing in unnaturally clear water. “Dangerous” encounters. Romantic walks along a private beach. (Really, where are the other people on this island? You expect me to believe that there is no one else in Tahiti right now?) It starts pouring, just like it would in a movie! How did the producers pull that one off?
Now we get to the last night Roberto and Ali have before the final rose. Basically it will be a game of how long they can keep their clothes on. Jumpsuit alert. Let’s get wasted!!! Ali and Roberto attempt to have a real conversation, but all they have to talk about is their date earlier in the day. Don’t worry, they touch a lot. And of course make out. He brought her a present, a picture frame! Girls love that shit! Smooth move. Roberto tells Ali that he told her dad he loves her, which is all she needed to hear from him. I cannot figure out what is going to happen in the end and it is driving me crazy!
Now I can’t believe there is only 35 minutes left in the show and we aren’t at the rose ceremony yet! Don’t they usually take a lot of time with these things? Oh well, can’t complain about more camera time for Chris! Chris is so normal and seems like he would have normal friends. I wonder if they make fun of him for being on this show. Probably.
WHAT IS HAPPENING? This is not normal. Allie is freaking out. Is she dumping Chris right now? This is so uncomfortable. Why doesn’t he get a jet ski date? She is totally breaking the rules and dumping him right now. Just like People magazine said “Why I broke all the rules.”
I knew she wouldn’t pick Chris in the end but seriously, this is the not the best decision ever. Roberto is a good guy, but Chris is a REAL guy. Please don’t cry Chris, I’m going to lose it. So now do we have to spend the next 30 minutes with her and Roberto? I suddenly kind of irrationally dislike Roberto now. Except..she never said “I am in love with Robeto.” She said “I am in love with someone else.” Maybe it’s Chris Harrison.
Chris doesn’t even call her on her bullshit! You are amazing! Get on a flight and come to Ohio! (Even though this was filmed 2 months ago! I am still waiting!)
Currently Facebook is blowing up with “I HATE YOU ALI” statuses. Yes, if it were me I would have picked Chris, but her picking Roberto doesn’t make her a terrible person. Jeez, people! She is a human being! She said all along she was going to do her season her way and quite frankly, the producers screwed her out of that by casting assholes who had girlfriends back home. So I don’t think it’s too terrible that she did this!
Naturally, there is a rainbow, real or Photoshopped with Chris in on it, that we will never know. Bye Chris! I love you! See you in 23 minutes on ATFR where you will just say nice things about how Ali is so amazing and how you don’t regret your experience at all, because you are that wonderful.
So the real question is, does she even pick Roberto? Now there is only 14 minutes left. The timing on this damn show is really throwing me off. People magazine was not kidding when they said this finale would be unlike any other.
Ali wants to be with Roberto, there is no doubt in her mind (unless Frank was still there.) I was just wondering why Roberto hadn’t bought a ring yet! But here we go. Oh good, we finally get a shower scene I can’t believe it took them this long! We meet up with Ali, post-shower. Tasteful.
Omg could they seriously not have edited Roberto’s boat ride over? We get it, he arrived via boat, we didn’t need to watch the entire journey. Roberto is sweating up a storm once again climbing those stairs. But he looks so beautiful in that suit that I suppose it doesn’t matter. I wish she would just scream “I PICKED YOU!” so we didn’t have to go through the whole “she pretends she isn’t going to pick him but then SURPRISE she did pick him” spiel. WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE BLOT HIS UPPER LIP. That sweat is making him somehow look unattractive. Ali can’t get the ring on because she’s swollen from all the Coors Lights she chugged. The Lion King theme is way too much. And we get a montage of them making out because that is all they do. Romantical.
YESSSSSSS ATFR time! DAMNIT FRANK, my excitement is already gone. Does Chris Harrison really think that Ali would know whether or not Frank was actually in love with his girlfriend? For the most part, Ali is rational (we’ll forget that she picked the hot guy over the nice guy), she’s not going to trash talk. She also is not going to admit that she would have given Frank a rose, hello! Chris L is there and Roberto is the guy she picked! She can’t pull that! FRANK DIDN’T COME! Yippee! Less Frank! Listen, I’ll tell you what Frank has been doing (In Touch loves to keep tabs on him). He has been making out with his girlfriend in Starbucks. Okay, questions are answered, he is still together with that Nicole chick. Also, Frank sucks, so of course he backed out.
Next up is the most perfect man ever (doesn’t he seem even more wonderful now that Ali dumped him?) Clearly someone else dressed Chris; he is not wearing a polo! Now we have to re-watch him getting dumped. Next they are probably going to relive his mother’s funeral. Whoa, wicked inappropriate. Watching him get dumped is equally sad the second time around. I hope I don’t have to find out if it is equally sad the third time around.
Somehow Chris manages to look even more attractive than he did on the show. Poor guy, does not seem to be over it, you know why? He’s a real person. A real, RATIONAL person. He is ready to find his soul mate, Chris, it’s me! I’m right here!
Now we the awkward reunion of Ali and Chris, minus that they are two of the most rational people that this show has ever seen so there will not be any drama. See crazy girls on Facebook! Chris appreciates that Ali told him the day before. If he doesn’t hate her then you shouldn’t either. Their body language is a little crazy, they look like they are still in love!
This show isn’t that dramatic, I feel bored. They clearly are not going to announce the next Bachelor, so…what’s the point. I can't wait to see the cover or People this week. I can't imagine what they will say. They can't talk about secrets and lies and trickery, unless Roberto is secretly cheating on her. Most likely not though. Maybe they will talk about how Roberto just might be the sweatiest person ever.
So basically they are in love and this was the most amazing experience ever and Roberto is moving to California and now they will last for around 9 months. (sorry guys, just being realistic). Well, maybe longer. They are no Jake and Vienna. But they are also no Trista and Ryan (remember them? The only true success story of this show.)
(Call me, Chris L!)
See you at The Bachelor Pad next week!
(I'm choosing to ignore the helicopter ride.)
Showing posts with label Bachelorette. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bachelorette. Show all posts
Monday, August 2, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
7.26 Bachelorette: (some of) The Men (don't really) Tell (anything at) All
Tonight on The Bachelorette:
We’re forced to endure 2 hours of The Bachelorette that doesn’t include Chris L. I am not happy about this.
Oh look! A bunch of guys I don’t remember! Except Kirk, I do remember him! And Crazy Kasey woo! And as I predicted, Justin and Frank are not there! I am going on a limb and guessing that the surprise guest is Jessie…that girl lives for Bachelor related things.
I wonder if Kasey feels awkward watching Ali make fun of him in this interview?
UGHHHH FRANK EVEN TAKES OVER EPISODES THAT HE ISN’T IN. Silly me, thinking I wouldn’t have to relive Frank getting back together with his ex-girlfriend for a 6th time.
Cutting to commercial, they tease something about Frank and something about Justin. Why are they STILL pretending that Frank and Justin are there? THEY AREN’T! We can see! Although I am going to predict (and I am writing this right now at 8:18 PM in case they announce this later in the show, I guessed it first!) that Frank will be at the “After the Final Rose” taping. They are stretching this out as looooong as they can.
I don’t feel motivated to even set my DVR for the 20/20 special after.
The clip of Roberto popping the champagne in Ali’s face is proof that the editors are cheering for Roberto. He always appears to be smooth and have it together while Chris is awkward (I love awkward!), so they conveniently left this part out of the show.
Do you want to know what that clip of Frank’s dad giving that stupid toast made me think? “SHUT UP FRANK’S DAD.”
Chris Harrison can’t believe that Ali can’t remember putting on a space helmet during her date with Kasey. Umm..she was blacked out, obviously. That girl drinks like a fish.
These are not the most memorable men, Chris Harrison. I honestly remember 5 of them (Craig R! I liked him! Kirk, Weatherman, Kasey and Ty)
After the Final Rose! Frank! I knew it!
Why is the weatherman talking? Nobody asked him a question. Chris N spent way too much time in a spray tan. The real reason that Chris Harrison is laughing is because he looks like an oompa loompa.
I have a feeling the number one topic of this 2 (long, painful) hour episode will be Kasey’s tattoo. If I had any hard liquor readily available, I would take a shot every time they said “guard and protect her heart”
So, they aren’t going to pick the next bachelor from this group of guys, right? I know I talked about how much I wanted Chris to be the next bachelor…but not really. He is way too normal. But anyway, none of the other guys could sustain an audience, don’t you think. Even though Craig R is very funny!
These guys are picking on weatherman because they know it’s the only way they could get on camera. No one remembers your names! Who the h is Jesse V (B?) I do not remember him at all.
It’s good to see that the guys say nice things about Kasey. Even though they all talked crap about him in their interviews. Bros are a funny creature.
OMG we are seriously reliving the Frank story AGAIN?! She totally would have picked Frank in the end. I wonder how Roberto feels about that…? By the way, is Frank’s girlfriend 19? I was too busy hating Frank last week to notice, but doesn’t she look and sound very young? Why am I recapping this again?! I am giving into the producers evil ways!
Hmm…maybe Craig R could be the next bachelor? Do you think that is what he is trying to do? He is totally hogging screen time, but he is saying the most rational things! Team Craig R! I will recap the Bachelor if it stars Craig! (But will only go on it if it’s Chris L! Take note ABC!)
Thank you Chris Harrison for telling us that Kasey was there! I had no idea! There had been no mention of him and his tattoo and his desire to guard and protect Ali’s heart. (SHOT!) Please stop showing him singing. This is awkward for all of us. Mostly me. How did Kasey get a one-on-one date in the first place? And Craig R never did? Team Craig R! (Hey, I need someone to root for on this show since my beloved Chris L isn’t included.) Ohh, apparently Chris Harrison might feel more awkward than me when Kasey sings. I get that. He had to be there. Kasey’s tattoo is strange, but okay, at last he didn’t get a tattoo of Ali’s name, or her face. Or “Mr. Kasey Fedotowsky” (But would that really have surprised anyone?)
Oh, Kirky, you’re such a nice guy. But even if Frank would have left before you, she still would have picked Chris and Roberto over you. You are a winner though! Girls will throw themselves at you now! Look at all those women in the audience; they are undressing you with their eyes!
Craig R! Voice of reason! One of my favorite parts of this season was when they played Justin’s voicemails while he ran away from Ali. That was genius! Apparently Justin chose not to be there. But after last season’s fiasco with Rozlyn, I have a feeling they probably encouraged him not to come. The bros are so offended that Justin played them too. Oh bros! Here’s what I will say about Justin, though. Yes, he is hated by women in America and all these guys, but I did see a picture of him with Snooki. And these days, knowing Snooki is huge. Make of that what you will.
Aha! Jessie is there! So I correctly predicted all the surprises tonight! I am a genius! Or I spend way too much of my free time watching reality television…Jessie retells the Justin story. I am too tired to type it out. We all know what happened.
Gee, I wonder why Ali would be nervous about seeing a bunch of guys she dumped on national tv? Nothing nerve-wracking about that. Are they ever going to talk about Chris L? I’m beginning to lose my patients. Why do they have talk about Justin again? Remember how you already interviewed her in the beginning, Chris Harrison? You guys already covered the topic. Kasey, stop singing. Please stop. Please stop. I know you are poking fun at yourself, but this is making me really uncomfortable, and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s all about me.
Finally!!! We get to Chris L! I knew they couldn’t deprive me of him. If only this montage could have lasted for the better part of this show.
And now we get a promo for Bachelor Pad!! Yippee!! Ewwww why is Elizabeth blond now?! What was she thinking? This show looks incredibly trashy. I already love it.
The weatherman’s “voicemails” that played at the end were pretty hilarious. Well done weatherman, you were a creepy toolbag the whole time you were on the show, but here was your one moment to shine.
Until next week, when we have the most DRAMATIC rose ceremony ever during the most DRAMATIC finale ever on the most ROMANTIC island ever.
We’re forced to endure 2 hours of The Bachelorette that doesn’t include Chris L. I am not happy about this.
Oh look! A bunch of guys I don’t remember! Except Kirk, I do remember him! And Crazy Kasey woo! And as I predicted, Justin and Frank are not there! I am going on a limb and guessing that the surprise guest is Jessie…that girl lives for Bachelor related things.
I wonder if Kasey feels awkward watching Ali make fun of him in this interview?
UGHHHH FRANK EVEN TAKES OVER EPISODES THAT HE ISN’T IN. Silly me, thinking I wouldn’t have to relive Frank getting back together with his ex-girlfriend for a 6th time.
Cutting to commercial, they tease something about Frank and something about Justin. Why are they STILL pretending that Frank and Justin are there? THEY AREN’T! We can see! Although I am going to predict (and I am writing this right now at 8:18 PM in case they announce this later in the show, I guessed it first!) that Frank will be at the “After the Final Rose” taping. They are stretching this out as looooong as they can.
I don’t feel motivated to even set my DVR for the 20/20 special after.
The clip of Roberto popping the champagne in Ali’s face is proof that the editors are cheering for Roberto. He always appears to be smooth and have it together while Chris is awkward (I love awkward!), so they conveniently left this part out of the show.
Do you want to know what that clip of Frank’s dad giving that stupid toast made me think? “SHUT UP FRANK’S DAD.”
Chris Harrison can’t believe that Ali can’t remember putting on a space helmet during her date with Kasey. Umm..she was blacked out, obviously. That girl drinks like a fish.
These are not the most memorable men, Chris Harrison. I honestly remember 5 of them (Craig R! I liked him! Kirk, Weatherman, Kasey and Ty)
After the Final Rose! Frank! I knew it!
Why is the weatherman talking? Nobody asked him a question. Chris N spent way too much time in a spray tan. The real reason that Chris Harrison is laughing is because he looks like an oompa loompa.
I have a feeling the number one topic of this 2 (long, painful) hour episode will be Kasey’s tattoo. If I had any hard liquor readily available, I would take a shot every time they said “guard and protect her heart”
So, they aren’t going to pick the next bachelor from this group of guys, right? I know I talked about how much I wanted Chris to be the next bachelor…but not really. He is way too normal. But anyway, none of the other guys could sustain an audience, don’t you think. Even though Craig R is very funny!
These guys are picking on weatherman because they know it’s the only way they could get on camera. No one remembers your names! Who the h is Jesse V (B?) I do not remember him at all.
It’s good to see that the guys say nice things about Kasey. Even though they all talked crap about him in their interviews. Bros are a funny creature.
OMG we are seriously reliving the Frank story AGAIN?! She totally would have picked Frank in the end. I wonder how Roberto feels about that…? By the way, is Frank’s girlfriend 19? I was too busy hating Frank last week to notice, but doesn’t she look and sound very young? Why am I recapping this again?! I am giving into the producers evil ways!
Hmm…maybe Craig R could be the next bachelor? Do you think that is what he is trying to do? He is totally hogging screen time, but he is saying the most rational things! Team Craig R! I will recap the Bachelor if it stars Craig! (But will only go on it if it’s Chris L! Take note ABC!)
Thank you Chris Harrison for telling us that Kasey was there! I had no idea! There had been no mention of him and his tattoo and his desire to guard and protect Ali’s heart. (SHOT!) Please stop showing him singing. This is awkward for all of us. Mostly me. How did Kasey get a one-on-one date in the first place? And Craig R never did? Team Craig R! (Hey, I need someone to root for on this show since my beloved Chris L isn’t included.) Ohh, apparently Chris Harrison might feel more awkward than me when Kasey sings. I get that. He had to be there. Kasey’s tattoo is strange, but okay, at last he didn’t get a tattoo of Ali’s name, or her face. Or “Mr. Kasey Fedotowsky” (But would that really have surprised anyone?)
Oh, Kirky, you’re such a nice guy. But even if Frank would have left before you, she still would have picked Chris and Roberto over you. You are a winner though! Girls will throw themselves at you now! Look at all those women in the audience; they are undressing you with their eyes!
Craig R! Voice of reason! One of my favorite parts of this season was when they played Justin’s voicemails while he ran away from Ali. That was genius! Apparently Justin chose not to be there. But after last season’s fiasco with Rozlyn, I have a feeling they probably encouraged him not to come. The bros are so offended that Justin played them too. Oh bros! Here’s what I will say about Justin, though. Yes, he is hated by women in America and all these guys, but I did see a picture of him with Snooki. And these days, knowing Snooki is huge. Make of that what you will.
Aha! Jessie is there! So I correctly predicted all the surprises tonight! I am a genius! Or I spend way too much of my free time watching reality television…Jessie retells the Justin story. I am too tired to type it out. We all know what happened.
Gee, I wonder why Ali would be nervous about seeing a bunch of guys she dumped on national tv? Nothing nerve-wracking about that. Are they ever going to talk about Chris L? I’m beginning to lose my patients. Why do they have talk about Justin again? Remember how you already interviewed her in the beginning, Chris Harrison? You guys already covered the topic. Kasey, stop singing. Please stop. Please stop. I know you are poking fun at yourself, but this is making me really uncomfortable, and in case you haven’t noticed, it’s all about me.
Finally!!! We get to Chris L! I knew they couldn’t deprive me of him. If only this montage could have lasted for the better part of this show.
And now we get a promo for Bachelor Pad!! Yippee!! Ewwww why is Elizabeth blond now?! What was she thinking? This show looks incredibly trashy. I already love it.
The weatherman’s “voicemails” that played at the end were pretty hilarious. Well done weatherman, you were a creepy toolbag the whole time you were on the show, but here was your one moment to shine.
Until next week, when we have the most DRAMATIC rose ceremony ever during the most DRAMATIC finale ever on the most ROMANTIC island ever.
Monday, July 19, 2010
7.19 Bachelorette SHUT UP FRANK: The sequel
Tonight on the Bachelorette: Frank is the worst person that ever existed. Ever. (Right?)
Chris is falling in love with Ali. We know. Everyone has to say that on this show. But why is he standing on the roof? They didn’t want to show him in the shower? WHY NOT?! They show the montage of all the clips of them together. And then he just keeps talking. Gets a little mushy. Please don’t go overboard, I still want to love you!
Now we find Roberto packing! The Lion King CD? Really? Listen Roberto, I like you, but you are cheeeeesy. And here is their montage. Roberto and Ali obviously have the most physical chemistry, but do you know what happens when you pick the person you have the most physical chemistry with? You end up dumping them on national television to get back together with the other person (read: JASON MESNICK). Or, you both become major famewhores, get a gig on dancing with the stars and then talk about your break up…on national television. Oh, and you’re revealed to be a psychopath.
And here’s the part about Frank, but I’m not listening. We all know you are getting back together with your ex-girlfriend FRANK. I saw the pictures of you two making out at a Starbucks in this week’s In Touch. You weren’t wearing your glasses, so you thought we wouldn’t recognize you, BUT WE DID.
Who do you think is paying for Frank to go back to Chicago before he goes to Tahati? Is the Bachelorette footing the bill for this? That’s pretty shitty, those producers will do anything for ratings!
By the way, seeing promos for the Bachelor Pad makes me excited. I would deem The Bachelor the classiest of reality dating shows, but this is bringing them down to the same level as anything on VH1. Amazing!
So anyway, Frank goes to talk to this Nicole chick, because he knows that Ali will pick him in the end and he needs to make sure he’s over his ex-girlfriend before that happens (SPOILER ALERT, he’s not). So let’s ponder this question for a little bit, why would this Nicole girl agree to be filmed? Are Frank and Nicole the new Jake and Vienna?
He tells Nicole “Ali doesn’t know I’m here. She doesn’t know anything.” She doesn’t know that I’m actually a serial killer. Err..anyway..I am not enjoying this. Shouldn’t this be a private conversation? And what do these women see in Frank?? I do not understand at all. I mean, okay at least he didn’t wait until the very end after Ali picked him to be all like “oh by the way, I’m still in love with my ex-girlfriend”, but that is the ONLY nice thing I will say. He is creepy! And seems like he would be a crazy/controlling boyfriend! And works at Banana Republic (right? Maybe J Crew.)! And lives with his parents! And, as my co-worker has so brilliantly pointed out, LOOKS LIKE A SERIAL KILLER. And they are back together. End scene.
I want to go to Tahiti! I’m going to start making my audition tape for the next season of The Bachelor starring Chris L. And hopefully I will get to go to Tahiti with him. Mom always told me to dream big!
Ali has her “serious thinking” scene while her voiceover talks about how she has so many feelings and junk. I’m so glad they tried to recreate The Little Mermaid with that dramatic hair flip. THAT WATER IS SO PRETTY.
First up is Roberto. We all know the whole day is just them trying to keep themselves busy as to not think about how they are totally gonna do it tonight in the fantasy suite. Ali doesn’t strike me as a sliggity girl, but she and Roberto are way too obsessed with each other for this not to happen.
So they go on the 10874378492nd helicopter ride this show has seen (is that the only date the producers can ever come up with? Remember when the helicopter left Kasey on a glacier???! He was crazy, but that was way harsh). Maybe I’m a total pessimist, but I didn’t see a heart when I they camera panned out on that lagoon. Maybe when I go on The Bachelor: Chris L., I will see the beauty in everything (hear that ABC? PICK ME!). Does Ali have to be wearing yellow at all times? I know I talked about this last week, but really. The girl loves yellow. THAT WATER IS SO PRETTY. The day consists mostly of them making out (see, told you. They are just counting down the minutes until that fantasy suite). Roberto does seem like the protective type (and I actually mean that in a good way). He and Ali seem like they are good for each other. Roberto hasn’t been my favorite all season, but he has definitely grown on me the last couple episodes (especially last week! Adorable family!)
THAT SUNSET IS SO PRETTY. At first, I thought Ali’s dress was yellow, but it isn’t. Way to branch out and wear colors that…still resemble something from the yellow family.
Ali expresses concern that she gets nervous too. Aww, she is a real person! Roberto is acting awkward talking about his feelings! He is a real person too! And he’s talking in circles! Like a regular guy! And more making out. Get a roooom. Oh! Perfect timing, because here comes the fantasy suite card! Roberto, stop acting like you don’t know what this is. Ali wants to spend as much time with Roberto as possible. Yeahhhh, naked time. Off they go! Enjoy your night kiddos!
Up next is Chris!!!!!!!!! Yay a date without a helicopter! This boat is pretty sweet. When I go to Tahiti on the next season of The Bachelor: Chris L., this is the date I want. I loved your family too, Chris! I love drinking beer too, Chris! I think you look great without a shirt on too, Chris! So, they have to swim all the way to the island. I thought for sure they would race, but instead they act really cute in the water. Good for them. Chris is the guy that Ali should pick in the end. Their relationship seems the most realistic in the real world, but unfortunately, the contestants on the Bachelor/Bachelorette are never as smart as I am and don’t ever pick the sensible person. Chris is really getting off easy here; he is collecting all these pearls for free! Expensive jewelry that he didn’t have to pay for!
On a random note, I would just like you to know that right now (8:55 PM EST) Roberto is trending on Twitter. I’m going to spam twitter with a bunch of #ChrisL posts. BRB.
They basically have to swim to dinner. This date has involved a lot of physical activity. Maybe I don’t want to be on next season… (JUST KIDDING ABC! I LOVE CHRIS L!) Guys! Stop whispering! I can’t hear your private conversation!! Awww, Chris got sunburnt! Just like a regular person! You know who else gets sunburnt? ME! #somuchincommon. Here comes the fantasy suite card! Of course, he wants to go, Ali! Have a little more faith in yourself! Luckily, they don’t have to swim to the fantasy suite. This suite seems way suite-er (I’m so clever) than the one her and Roberto were in. This time Ali waits for the cameras to leave before she starts removing clothing. She learned so quickly.
So here comes Frank. I know this is “the most dramatic part of the episode ever”, but it is taking everything in me to not change the channel to Always Sunny reruns on comedy central (don’t worry! I’m recording them!) Frank is starting his transition into a different person by not wearing his glasses. Oh I’m so glad that Chris Harrison got to go to Tahiti too! Frank tells Chris the entire story that we were already forced to watch. Blah blah blah, you suck let’s get on with it. Do you think Frank will be at “The Men Tell All” next week? Probably not. Justin probably won’t either. So it probably won’t be interesting. I’ll still watch though, duh. Chris Harrison is nice to Frank, but you know as soon as he is gone he will talk shit about him with Ali.
Welp, here we go. Ali really has no idea that this is coming and that makes me feel sad for her. I know she still has two other guys that are obsessed with her, but doesn’t she seem a little fragile? Like, she’s not actually as confident as she appears? This could do terrible things for her self esteem. OH MY GOD, JUST TELL HER. It’s like a band aid, just rip it off. So now we have to hear the story recounted for the third time this episode. Although, I have to focus on the positive here. Frank will not be in any more episodes!!! I will never have to see him again! (Unless I embarrassingly continue to buy In Touch magazine, which seems to love him. It’s always the cheapest tabloid! I love a bargain!)
Ali makes a good point that he should have said something earlier! And the fact that she was constantly having to reassure him about their relationship! I wish she would say “SHUT UP FRANK”, it would make my life. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it would definitely make my night. STOP CRYING FRANK. You’re the bad one in this situation. Stop trying to make us feel bad for you. Women everywhere will still hate you.
While I do feel bad for Ali, the more I think about it, the more I just want to shake her. She has two guys that are a MILLION times better than Frank! The very scientific poll I conducted of various co-workers and friends agrees! I know it sucks to get dumped and it’s probably way worse when it’s on national television…and on your own show, but still. Roberto! Chris! Remember them?! The two extremely attractive/nice/non-serial killerish type guys who have real jobs and are still in love with you! Buck up kid, it could be worse!
What are they going to do for the next 27 minutes? There will be no rose ceremony right? FRANK WHY ARE YOU STILL ON MY TV. Also, 40 minutes later and Roberto is still trending on twitter! My #ChrisL tweets aren’t working! Here comes Chris Harrison for a vent sesh. Hopefully this is NOT what they are going to do with the remaining 25 minutes of the show.
If Ali thought Frank would for sure be meeting her parents, does that mean she was actually going to eliminate Chris tonight?! I wonder where that girl’s head is at sometimes.
Roberto and Chris are going to be so pumped when they find out that Frank is gone. Final two! Woo hoo! (I’m ready for Bachelor Pad!!!)
Yeah Ali! Don’t let Frank make you feel inferior! Glad to know you have good friends. You know what’s weird? Ali is only 2 years older than me. I didn’t realize this before because A) She seems a lot more mature than me (will I be getting married anytime soon? Absolutely not! UNLESS YOU ARE READING THIS CHRIS! I could totally be ready to marry you!!!) B) She reportedly hangs out with Jennifer Love Hewitt, who has to be at least 40 now, right? I did love her when she was on Party of Five, but that was like 15 years ago. C) In the last 9 months she has had more life experiences than I have had in my entire life. Do you know what I have done in the last 9 months?...umm…I moved out of my parents house!!! But that’s about it.
Anyway, of course both guys are going to accept your roses Ali! Come on, the producers can’t be that mean to you! Or can they? They’ve really beat up on her this season, all in the name of ratings! But really, we know they both have to accept otherwise there couldn’t be “THE MOST DRAMATIC (or ROMANTIC) FINALE EVER” (we all know it will be advertised that way.) Chris and Roberto don’t seem to be brahs, hmmm I wonder why. Don’t you feel like the guys on the bachelorette always are involved in a bromance as well? Which, in my opinion, is way more fun than a group of girls being major bitches to each other.
Once again we have to hear the story of Frank getting back together with his girlfriend. But Ali tells the short version! Atta girl! Oooo who is she going to call first?! Chris accepts the rose! Why didn’t Chris Harrison come out to announce the last rose? Isn’t that what he gets paid to do? Roberto accepts the rose!
Next week, The Men Tell All…they pretend like Frank and Justin are going to be there, but they won’t!
And..in two weeks, THE MOST DRAMATIC SEASON FINALE IN BACHELORETTE HISTORY. I need to stop watching so much TV.
Welp, I’m off to find a video camera so I can make my audition tape for next season! See you soon Chris!
Chris is falling in love with Ali. We know. Everyone has to say that on this show. But why is he standing on the roof? They didn’t want to show him in the shower? WHY NOT?! They show the montage of all the clips of them together. And then he just keeps talking. Gets a little mushy. Please don’t go overboard, I still want to love you!
Now we find Roberto packing! The Lion King CD? Really? Listen Roberto, I like you, but you are cheeeeesy. And here is their montage. Roberto and Ali obviously have the most physical chemistry, but do you know what happens when you pick the person you have the most physical chemistry with? You end up dumping them on national television to get back together with the other person (read: JASON MESNICK). Or, you both become major famewhores, get a gig on dancing with the stars and then talk about your break up…on national television. Oh, and you’re revealed to be a psychopath.
And here’s the part about Frank, but I’m not listening. We all know you are getting back together with your ex-girlfriend FRANK. I saw the pictures of you two making out at a Starbucks in this week’s In Touch. You weren’t wearing your glasses, so you thought we wouldn’t recognize you, BUT WE DID.
Who do you think is paying for Frank to go back to Chicago before he goes to Tahati? Is the Bachelorette footing the bill for this? That’s pretty shitty, those producers will do anything for ratings!
By the way, seeing promos for the Bachelor Pad makes me excited. I would deem The Bachelor the classiest of reality dating shows, but this is bringing them down to the same level as anything on VH1. Amazing!
So anyway, Frank goes to talk to this Nicole chick, because he knows that Ali will pick him in the end and he needs to make sure he’s over his ex-girlfriend before that happens (SPOILER ALERT, he’s not). So let’s ponder this question for a little bit, why would this Nicole girl agree to be filmed? Are Frank and Nicole the new Jake and Vienna?
He tells Nicole “Ali doesn’t know I’m here. She doesn’t know anything.” She doesn’t know that I’m actually a serial killer. Err..anyway..I am not enjoying this. Shouldn’t this be a private conversation? And what do these women see in Frank?? I do not understand at all. I mean, okay at least he didn’t wait until the very end after Ali picked him to be all like “oh by the way, I’m still in love with my ex-girlfriend”, but that is the ONLY nice thing I will say. He is creepy! And seems like he would be a crazy/controlling boyfriend! And works at Banana Republic (right? Maybe J Crew.)! And lives with his parents! And, as my co-worker has so brilliantly pointed out, LOOKS LIKE A SERIAL KILLER. And they are back together. End scene.
I want to go to Tahiti! I’m going to start making my audition tape for the next season of The Bachelor starring Chris L. And hopefully I will get to go to Tahiti with him. Mom always told me to dream big!
Ali has her “serious thinking” scene while her voiceover talks about how she has so many feelings and junk. I’m so glad they tried to recreate The Little Mermaid with that dramatic hair flip. THAT WATER IS SO PRETTY.
First up is Roberto. We all know the whole day is just them trying to keep themselves busy as to not think about how they are totally gonna do it tonight in the fantasy suite. Ali doesn’t strike me as a sliggity girl, but she and Roberto are way too obsessed with each other for this not to happen.
So they go on the 10874378492nd helicopter ride this show has seen (is that the only date the producers can ever come up with? Remember when the helicopter left Kasey on a glacier???! He was crazy, but that was way harsh). Maybe I’m a total pessimist, but I didn’t see a heart when I they camera panned out on that lagoon. Maybe when I go on The Bachelor: Chris L., I will see the beauty in everything (hear that ABC? PICK ME!). Does Ali have to be wearing yellow at all times? I know I talked about this last week, but really. The girl loves yellow. THAT WATER IS SO PRETTY. The day consists mostly of them making out (see, told you. They are just counting down the minutes until that fantasy suite). Roberto does seem like the protective type (and I actually mean that in a good way). He and Ali seem like they are good for each other. Roberto hasn’t been my favorite all season, but he has definitely grown on me the last couple episodes (especially last week! Adorable family!)
THAT SUNSET IS SO PRETTY. At first, I thought Ali’s dress was yellow, but it isn’t. Way to branch out and wear colors that…still resemble something from the yellow family.
Ali expresses concern that she gets nervous too. Aww, she is a real person! Roberto is acting awkward talking about his feelings! He is a real person too! And he’s talking in circles! Like a regular guy! And more making out. Get a roooom. Oh! Perfect timing, because here comes the fantasy suite card! Roberto, stop acting like you don’t know what this is. Ali wants to spend as much time with Roberto as possible. Yeahhhh, naked time. Off they go! Enjoy your night kiddos!
Up next is Chris!!!!!!!!! Yay a date without a helicopter! This boat is pretty sweet. When I go to Tahiti on the next season of The Bachelor: Chris L., this is the date I want. I loved your family too, Chris! I love drinking beer too, Chris! I think you look great without a shirt on too, Chris! So, they have to swim all the way to the island. I thought for sure they would race, but instead they act really cute in the water. Good for them. Chris is the guy that Ali should pick in the end. Their relationship seems the most realistic in the real world, but unfortunately, the contestants on the Bachelor/Bachelorette are never as smart as I am and don’t ever pick the sensible person. Chris is really getting off easy here; he is collecting all these pearls for free! Expensive jewelry that he didn’t have to pay for!
On a random note, I would just like you to know that right now (8:55 PM EST) Roberto is trending on Twitter. I’m going to spam twitter with a bunch of #ChrisL posts. BRB.
They basically have to swim to dinner. This date has involved a lot of physical activity. Maybe I don’t want to be on next season… (JUST KIDDING ABC! I LOVE CHRIS L!) Guys! Stop whispering! I can’t hear your private conversation!! Awww, Chris got sunburnt! Just like a regular person! You know who else gets sunburnt? ME! #somuchincommon. Here comes the fantasy suite card! Of course, he wants to go, Ali! Have a little more faith in yourself! Luckily, they don’t have to swim to the fantasy suite. This suite seems way suite-er (I’m so clever) than the one her and Roberto were in. This time Ali waits for the cameras to leave before she starts removing clothing. She learned so quickly.
So here comes Frank. I know this is “the most dramatic part of the episode ever”, but it is taking everything in me to not change the channel to Always Sunny reruns on comedy central (don’t worry! I’m recording them!) Frank is starting his transition into a different person by not wearing his glasses. Oh I’m so glad that Chris Harrison got to go to Tahiti too! Frank tells Chris the entire story that we were already forced to watch. Blah blah blah, you suck let’s get on with it. Do you think Frank will be at “The Men Tell All” next week? Probably not. Justin probably won’t either. So it probably won’t be interesting. I’ll still watch though, duh. Chris Harrison is nice to Frank, but you know as soon as he is gone he will talk shit about him with Ali.
Welp, here we go. Ali really has no idea that this is coming and that makes me feel sad for her. I know she still has two other guys that are obsessed with her, but doesn’t she seem a little fragile? Like, she’s not actually as confident as she appears? This could do terrible things for her self esteem. OH MY GOD, JUST TELL HER. It’s like a band aid, just rip it off. So now we have to hear the story recounted for the third time this episode. Although, I have to focus on the positive here. Frank will not be in any more episodes!!! I will never have to see him again! (Unless I embarrassingly continue to buy In Touch magazine, which seems to love him. It’s always the cheapest tabloid! I love a bargain!)
Ali makes a good point that he should have said something earlier! And the fact that she was constantly having to reassure him about their relationship! I wish she would say “SHUT UP FRANK”, it would make my life. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it would definitely make my night. STOP CRYING FRANK. You’re the bad one in this situation. Stop trying to make us feel bad for you. Women everywhere will still hate you.
While I do feel bad for Ali, the more I think about it, the more I just want to shake her. She has two guys that are a MILLION times better than Frank! The very scientific poll I conducted of various co-workers and friends agrees! I know it sucks to get dumped and it’s probably way worse when it’s on national television…and on your own show, but still. Roberto! Chris! Remember them?! The two extremely attractive/nice/non-serial killerish type guys who have real jobs and are still in love with you! Buck up kid, it could be worse!
What are they going to do for the next 27 minutes? There will be no rose ceremony right? FRANK WHY ARE YOU STILL ON MY TV. Also, 40 minutes later and Roberto is still trending on twitter! My #ChrisL tweets aren’t working! Here comes Chris Harrison for a vent sesh. Hopefully this is NOT what they are going to do with the remaining 25 minutes of the show.
If Ali thought Frank would for sure be meeting her parents, does that mean she was actually going to eliminate Chris tonight?! I wonder where that girl’s head is at sometimes.
Roberto and Chris are going to be so pumped when they find out that Frank is gone. Final two! Woo hoo! (I’m ready for Bachelor Pad!!!)
Yeah Ali! Don’t let Frank make you feel inferior! Glad to know you have good friends. You know what’s weird? Ali is only 2 years older than me. I didn’t realize this before because A) She seems a lot more mature than me (will I be getting married anytime soon? Absolutely not! UNLESS YOU ARE READING THIS CHRIS! I could totally be ready to marry you!!!) B) She reportedly hangs out with Jennifer Love Hewitt, who has to be at least 40 now, right? I did love her when she was on Party of Five, but that was like 15 years ago. C) In the last 9 months she has had more life experiences than I have had in my entire life. Do you know what I have done in the last 9 months?...umm…I moved out of my parents house!!! But that’s about it.
Anyway, of course both guys are going to accept your roses Ali! Come on, the producers can’t be that mean to you! Or can they? They’ve really beat up on her this season, all in the name of ratings! But really, we know they both have to accept otherwise there couldn’t be “THE MOST DRAMATIC (or ROMANTIC) FINALE EVER” (we all know it will be advertised that way.) Chris and Roberto don’t seem to be brahs, hmmm I wonder why. Don’t you feel like the guys on the bachelorette always are involved in a bromance as well? Which, in my opinion, is way more fun than a group of girls being major bitches to each other.
Once again we have to hear the story of Frank getting back together with his girlfriend. But Ali tells the short version! Atta girl! Oooo who is she going to call first?! Chris accepts the rose! Why didn’t Chris Harrison come out to announce the last rose? Isn’t that what he gets paid to do? Roberto accepts the rose!
Next week, The Men Tell All…they pretend like Frank and Justin are going to be there, but they won’t!
And..in two weeks, THE MOST DRAMATIC SEASON FINALE IN BACHELORETTE HISTORY. I need to stop watching so much TV.
Welp, I’m off to find a video camera so I can make my audition tape for next season! See you soon Chris!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
7/12 Bachelorette: SHUT UP FRANK
Tonight on the Bachelorette: Kirk’s dad is a major creepo, Roberto looks fantastic in baseball pants, Chris’ family loves him!!! And Frank still sucks (has he been shopping in the womens department at Banana Republic? Seriously.) And Ali had the roses sown onto her dress! Oh wait.
Since it would be wickedly inappropriate to show the bachelorette showering while her voice over talks about how she is so excited to go on her hometown dates, Ali wanders aimlessly through a forest…while her voice over talks about how she is so excited to go on her hometown dates. Well played, Bachelor producers. Ali packs up her sparkliest shoes and off she goes!
First stop is Tampa to see Roberto. They meet up at the University of Tampa where Roberto graduated from and played baseball. Ali gets out of the car and they do the traditional run at each either and lift and hug. Do you think that planned to both wear some form of plaid? Roberto has a surprise for Ali, he takes her to the baseball diamond where he played. And, such a lucky girl! Ali gets a jersey with Roberto’s old number and her name on it. Don’t you hate when people have first names on jerseys? You look so unprofessional.
Ali loves the way Roberto looks in his baseball pants. Me too, Ali me too. Roberto “teaches” Ali how to bat. You’re right Ali, that is the oldest move in the book, but I’d go with it. Ali is actually kind of good at baseball? Roberto has a gift for her…and it’s a baseball card? His baseball card…yeah…. They’re both a little nervous to go to his parents’ house. Ali says she doesn’t know anything about Roberto’s family so she is nervous they won’t like her. He says his dad is tough. Good, that will ease her nerves. Roberto says his dad is….an ex-army ranger?! That is tough.
Roberto states the obvious, saying that it is important for his family to like the woman he is going to spend the rest of his life with. Once they arrive, Ali meets Roberto’s mother, father, brother and sister sister-in-law. They ask Ali why she gave the first impression rose to Roberto and she says it was just a feeling she had. Awww Roberto’s mom says she has had that feeling.
First up is Ali having a one-on-one chat with dad. Aww Roberto’s dad says that he is a big prize! That’s what my mom tells me everyday! They go into Roberto’s trophy room. It looks like my brother’s room! Roberto’s family is just like mine! Adorable dad asks Ali about her personal goals, he is concerned that with what Ali wants, it might not go with what Roberto wants. He asks her if she would sacrifice her personal goals. Personally, I think she gives a fantastic answer. Instead of just saying “of course, I’ll do anything for him”, she explains that in order to be happy in a relationship with Roberto, she needs to be fulfilled and needs to do what would be best for their family. Dad seems mildly satisfied with this answer.
Meanwhile Roberto gushes to his mom and tells her that if he is given the opportunity to propose to Ali he will. Duhh, we already figured that one out (thank US Weekly). Mom gives her blessing, hooray! Dad says to follow his heart and gives his blessing too! Roberto’s family, I love you. Now they are having a dance party!
Ali is nervous because it is getting really serious. Roberto’s hometown date earns an A- (only because I thought the baseball card was a little cheesy, but that’s just me)
Up next is Cape Cod to see Chris. Chris is very excited to match up the two things he loves, Ali and his family. Ali gets out of the car and runs at Chris and wait…they just hug! No lift and hug! Breaking tradition already. The weather does look gross, but that is not Chris’ fault. Chris shows Ali “his” beach. Also, his dog might need to go to puppy kindergarten. Chris woos Ali by informing her that as they speak, Whales are mating in the ocean. Ew…
Chris talks about how his mom would be so happy to see him fall in love. His mom got to meet both women his brothers married/are going to marry, but that will never happen for him. Sad face. Ali feels like they have really bonded now. They sit on the front porch and practice what it would be like to be a couple, or something. Chris says he had a hard day at work and wants a beer. Ali carries beer in her purse?! I gotta party with this girl. Chris assures Ali that he wouldn’t have brought her back to Cape Cod if he wasn’t positive that his family would like her. He hasn’t brought anyone home since his mom passed away, so this is serious stuff.
Ali calms her nerves with a real beer. In walks Chris’ dad, aka Chris in 30 years. Aww dad tells Ali he stole his roommate. In walks the sisters-in-law and brothers, who are both just as cute as Chris. Aww this family might be as cute as Roberto’s. Ali immediately breaks out the wine! Ali and Chris are being very affectionate in front of his family. Both sisters-in-law have the same bracelet that Chris gave Ali. Talk about pressure! Ali says that their Massachusetts connection sets Chris apart from the other guys. Dad tells Ali the story about how he met his wife, love at first sight! Foreshadowing?! (I wish.)
The relationship between Chris’ family is really nice; they do seem to really, REALLY love each other. Dad talks about how Chris quit his job to come home and help him nurse his mom in her last year of life. Dad wants to see all 3 sons happy and married before he leaves this earth, since Chris’ mom didn’t get to. Chris never had that person to share his feelings with, like his two younger brothers did. Chris’ brothers and wives all like Ali, but the wives are worried about him getting hurt (rightfully so, but he did choose to look for love on reality TV…) He assures them that he is very happy, and that he knew she would fit in. His family seems so nice and they really want good things for him. Dad loves Ali, even calls her a keeper. Chris believes that Ali could be his soul mate. Is it just me or does Chris seem really normal? Why is he on this show?! Dad thinks mom is orchestrating all the good things in his life, dad is so wise. Ali reluctantly gives up her beer when it is time to go. Seriously, this girl gets more and more fun as this episode goes along. Chris and Ali share a heavy makeout session that makes me a little uncomfortable to watch…a little too intimate for me. Chris’ family takes the prize from Roberto and they get an A+! This date definitely made Chris seem more like a front-runner (I mean, how could anyone think Frank was better than this guy!??!)
Third hometown visit is with Kirk in Green Bay. Run, hug, lift! Ali loves wearing yellow. Kirk’s parents are divorced, so Ali will be spending time with both families, which means basically no alone time for Ali and Kirk. Ali thinks Kirk has trust issues from the divorce. Before they go in, Ali is quizzed on everyone’s names, which do not sound normal to me. Kirk’s little sister is very cute. Dad already looks awkward…and then he asks if she wants to see his basement. Umm, that sounds like a line from a horror movie. Dead animals everywhere! And apparently this is a horror movie to Ali, being a Disney princess (right? She kinda looks like Sleeping Beauty? Maybe?) only loves LIVING animals. Why did he open that freezer? WHY? And WHY is Kirk allowing this to happen?! If my dad was a creepy animal stuffer person I would not allow him to be alone with ANYONE! Now Kirk is asking for romantic advice from a 7 year-old, because they are so practical. She would probably agree with me that Ali looks like a Disney princess. Dad thinks very highly of Kirk and tells Ali that she should really follow her heart. Alright, he’s not as creepy as I initially thought. But it might help if he shaved that mustache. Dad’s not 100% sold on getting married right away, but as a divorced man that makes sense. Kirk says he has never felt this way about someone before. That is unfortunate, since he is going to be eliminated tonight (I mean come on, we all know that by now.) Kirk says he was worried about his dad’s house, as I think we all would have been, but that it went really well, and now he can’t wait for Ali to meet his mom. Ali makes a good point that she would not be ready to get married if she hadn’t experienced any heartbreak or other relationships.
At mom’s house, Ali meets mom, grandma and sister. Sister asks what sets Kirk apart and Ali talks about the scrapbook he gave her the first night, which I thought was weird at the time, but hey! He got this far with it! Ali does seem to click with Kirk’s family, but not as much as the previous two. Plus, I’m sorry, but his family is weird! How is he so normal?! I guess it’s the theory that when two unattractive people mate they create beautiful offspring…? Harsh? Maybe. Kirk tells his sister that Ali is magnetic and says once again that he has never felt this strongly about somebody. I am starting to feel sorry for the dude.
Note to anyone with metal braces: red wine is not a good option. Ali and mom talk about Kirk’s sickness. Somehow I always have trouble paying attention when this is discussed. I might be a terrible person. Mom likes Ali, hooray! (And how shocking) Kirk’s date earns a B-…even though dad redeemed himself; his initial creepiness was a little much. Plus, Kirk gets a little over the top in his interviews. Plus…well nevermind, I won’t get mean.
And finally, we get Frank in Chicago…can you feel my excitement? But seriously, what is he wearing??! I can’t be the only one who finds this weird. Also, why does Ali always talk about how her and Frank have a great relationship? Because they don’t seem to have a great relationship….Run, hug, lift! Frank does suck, but I would love to move to Chicago, so that would be an appealing part to me if I were Ali. They take a boat ride and behave like children. Ali points out that she could potentially be meeting her future in-laws today. Why didn’t she think that before? Does she really like Frank this much? My mind is blown. Frank assures Ali that his parents are not going to be tough on her. Frank says their relationship is up and down and really hard. He says this is really important to him, that it is the biggest decision of the rest of their lives. From where I am sitting on my couch writing this, I can see the copy of In Touch magazine with Frank’s picture on the front that says “Frank dumps her for his ex”. So yeah Frank, I’ll bet this is hard for you, knowing every woman in America is going to hate you. Frank is confused why Ali says she can’t figure him out. Frank seems really nervous about Ali meeting his family. Is it because they know he is planning to get together with his ex-girlfriend?
Ali meets mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law. Ali says she saved the best hometown visit for last. You already know how I feel about that. Frank tries to convince his family that Ali is shallow and only came to his hometown out of pity. How adorbs! Ali doesn’t hesitate when she tells mom that Frank could be the right person for her. Mom think Ali fits in with the family, and it’s almost as if her and Frank have been dating for a year. If Ali moves to Chicago, will she have to live with Frank’s family? Or will they take his $9.25 an hour from Banana Republic and find their own place? So many things to consider.
Sister keeps it real and tells Ali that Frank’s judgment is clouded by his emotions. She clearly knows of Frank’s plan to dump Ali and is already making excuses for him. Frank tells his dad that he really, REALLY likes Ali. Shut up Frank. UGGHHHH, no really, SHUT UP FRANK. Frank helps Ali into the SUV and then watches her go down the street. He makes sure she is out of sight before he borrows his mom’s car and drives to his ex-girlfriends house to get back together with her. Oh wait, we don’t find that out until next week. Sorry, SPOILER ALERT. Frank’s date doesn’t get a grade because I hate him (did you pick up on that yet?)
Back in LA! Ali sits down to talk to Chris Harrison, which has to be much easier than when Chris Harrison had to sit down and listen to Jake and Vienna stretch their 15 minutes as far as they could by fighting on national television!
Roberto is different from what Ali thought she deserved. The fairy tale guy (goes with my Disney princess theme…no…?)
Chris was the biggest surprise and she fell for him in a different way after seeing him with his family. She took the biggest steps forward with Chris, but says she wonders if it was too late.
Kirk’s parents are divorced we get it. But Ali says she was reassured that Kirk is ready to be in a relationship, but she is not sure if she is that girl for him.
Ali was so excited to see Frank and thinks his family is amazing. Chris asks Ali if she thinks Frank is insecure and she basically says “kind of.”
Ali feels scared because she was so ready when she went on her hometown visit with Jake, and now she feels stronger than some of the guys left than she did about Jake (uhhh thank goodness, Jake sucks almost as much as Frank)
Cue rose ceremony! Poor Kirk, we all know what is about to happen. Ali gets emotional because she also feels bad for Kirk (and his creepy dad). Roberto gets called first and then Chris. Ali, gentlemen, this is the final rose tonight, when you’re ready. Frank wonders if Ali can read his thoughts and tries to not think about how he is in another relationship. And…she puts us out of our misery by not waiting long to call Frank’s name. Kirk looks a little sad, but manages to keep his composure, atta boy. He says bye to his brah Roberto and then Ali walks him outside. Kirk says it hurts because he really opened himself up and it wasn’t what she was looking for. Awww, Kirk if I had any single friends I would send them your way! But weirdly, I don’t. Kirk said he didn’t see this coming. Does he not read US weekly? Why is Frank wearing jeans? They are going to Tahiti! Frank freaks out because he didn’t tell his girlfriend he’d be leaving the country.
Roll credits!
Seriously Chris, enroll your dog in some classes.
Since it would be wickedly inappropriate to show the bachelorette showering while her voice over talks about how she is so excited to go on her hometown dates, Ali wanders aimlessly through a forest…while her voice over talks about how she is so excited to go on her hometown dates. Well played, Bachelor producers. Ali packs up her sparkliest shoes and off she goes!
First stop is Tampa to see Roberto. They meet up at the University of Tampa where Roberto graduated from and played baseball. Ali gets out of the car and they do the traditional run at each either and lift and hug. Do you think that planned to both wear some form of plaid? Roberto has a surprise for Ali, he takes her to the baseball diamond where he played. And, such a lucky girl! Ali gets a jersey with Roberto’s old number and her name on it. Don’t you hate when people have first names on jerseys? You look so unprofessional.
Ali loves the way Roberto looks in his baseball pants. Me too, Ali me too. Roberto “teaches” Ali how to bat. You’re right Ali, that is the oldest move in the book, but I’d go with it. Ali is actually kind of good at baseball? Roberto has a gift for her…and it’s a baseball card? His baseball card…yeah…. They’re both a little nervous to go to his parents’ house. Ali says she doesn’t know anything about Roberto’s family so she is nervous they won’t like her. He says his dad is tough. Good, that will ease her nerves. Roberto says his dad is….an ex-army ranger?! That is tough.
Roberto states the obvious, saying that it is important for his family to like the woman he is going to spend the rest of his life with. Once they arrive, Ali meets Roberto’s mother, father, brother and sister sister-in-law. They ask Ali why she gave the first impression rose to Roberto and she says it was just a feeling she had. Awww Roberto’s mom says she has had that feeling.
First up is Ali having a one-on-one chat with dad. Aww Roberto’s dad says that he is a big prize! That’s what my mom tells me everyday! They go into Roberto’s trophy room. It looks like my brother’s room! Roberto’s family is just like mine! Adorable dad asks Ali about her personal goals, he is concerned that with what Ali wants, it might not go with what Roberto wants. He asks her if she would sacrifice her personal goals. Personally, I think she gives a fantastic answer. Instead of just saying “of course, I’ll do anything for him”, she explains that in order to be happy in a relationship with Roberto, she needs to be fulfilled and needs to do what would be best for their family. Dad seems mildly satisfied with this answer.
Meanwhile Roberto gushes to his mom and tells her that if he is given the opportunity to propose to Ali he will. Duhh, we already figured that one out (thank US Weekly). Mom gives her blessing, hooray! Dad says to follow his heart and gives his blessing too! Roberto’s family, I love you. Now they are having a dance party!
Ali is nervous because it is getting really serious. Roberto’s hometown date earns an A- (only because I thought the baseball card was a little cheesy, but that’s just me)
Up next is Cape Cod to see Chris. Chris is very excited to match up the two things he loves, Ali and his family. Ali gets out of the car and runs at Chris and wait…they just hug! No lift and hug! Breaking tradition already. The weather does look gross, but that is not Chris’ fault. Chris shows Ali “his” beach. Also, his dog might need to go to puppy kindergarten. Chris woos Ali by informing her that as they speak, Whales are mating in the ocean. Ew…
Chris talks about how his mom would be so happy to see him fall in love. His mom got to meet both women his brothers married/are going to marry, but that will never happen for him. Sad face. Ali feels like they have really bonded now. They sit on the front porch and practice what it would be like to be a couple, or something. Chris says he had a hard day at work and wants a beer. Ali carries beer in her purse?! I gotta party with this girl. Chris assures Ali that he wouldn’t have brought her back to Cape Cod if he wasn’t positive that his family would like her. He hasn’t brought anyone home since his mom passed away, so this is serious stuff.
Ali calms her nerves with a real beer. In walks Chris’ dad, aka Chris in 30 years. Aww dad tells Ali he stole his roommate. In walks the sisters-in-law and brothers, who are both just as cute as Chris. Aww this family might be as cute as Roberto’s. Ali immediately breaks out the wine! Ali and Chris are being very affectionate in front of his family. Both sisters-in-law have the same bracelet that Chris gave Ali. Talk about pressure! Ali says that their Massachusetts connection sets Chris apart from the other guys. Dad tells Ali the story about how he met his wife, love at first sight! Foreshadowing?! (I wish.)
The relationship between Chris’ family is really nice; they do seem to really, REALLY love each other. Dad talks about how Chris quit his job to come home and help him nurse his mom in her last year of life. Dad wants to see all 3 sons happy and married before he leaves this earth, since Chris’ mom didn’t get to. Chris never had that person to share his feelings with, like his two younger brothers did. Chris’ brothers and wives all like Ali, but the wives are worried about him getting hurt (rightfully so, but he did choose to look for love on reality TV…) He assures them that he is very happy, and that he knew she would fit in. His family seems so nice and they really want good things for him. Dad loves Ali, even calls her a keeper. Chris believes that Ali could be his soul mate. Is it just me or does Chris seem really normal? Why is he on this show?! Dad thinks mom is orchestrating all the good things in his life, dad is so wise. Ali reluctantly gives up her beer when it is time to go. Seriously, this girl gets more and more fun as this episode goes along. Chris and Ali share a heavy makeout session that makes me a little uncomfortable to watch…a little too intimate for me. Chris’ family takes the prize from Roberto and they get an A+! This date definitely made Chris seem more like a front-runner (I mean, how could anyone think Frank was better than this guy!??!)
Third hometown visit is with Kirk in Green Bay. Run, hug, lift! Ali loves wearing yellow. Kirk’s parents are divorced, so Ali will be spending time with both families, which means basically no alone time for Ali and Kirk. Ali thinks Kirk has trust issues from the divorce. Before they go in, Ali is quizzed on everyone’s names, which do not sound normal to me. Kirk’s little sister is very cute. Dad already looks awkward…and then he asks if she wants to see his basement. Umm, that sounds like a line from a horror movie. Dead animals everywhere! And apparently this is a horror movie to Ali, being a Disney princess (right? She kinda looks like Sleeping Beauty? Maybe?) only loves LIVING animals. Why did he open that freezer? WHY? And WHY is Kirk allowing this to happen?! If my dad was a creepy animal stuffer person I would not allow him to be alone with ANYONE! Now Kirk is asking for romantic advice from a 7 year-old, because they are so practical. She would probably agree with me that Ali looks like a Disney princess. Dad thinks very highly of Kirk and tells Ali that she should really follow her heart. Alright, he’s not as creepy as I initially thought. But it might help if he shaved that mustache. Dad’s not 100% sold on getting married right away, but as a divorced man that makes sense. Kirk says he has never felt this way about someone before. That is unfortunate, since he is going to be eliminated tonight (I mean come on, we all know that by now.) Kirk says he was worried about his dad’s house, as I think we all would have been, but that it went really well, and now he can’t wait for Ali to meet his mom. Ali makes a good point that she would not be ready to get married if she hadn’t experienced any heartbreak or other relationships.
At mom’s house, Ali meets mom, grandma and sister. Sister asks what sets Kirk apart and Ali talks about the scrapbook he gave her the first night, which I thought was weird at the time, but hey! He got this far with it! Ali does seem to click with Kirk’s family, but not as much as the previous two. Plus, I’m sorry, but his family is weird! How is he so normal?! I guess it’s the theory that when two unattractive people mate they create beautiful offspring…? Harsh? Maybe. Kirk tells his sister that Ali is magnetic and says once again that he has never felt this strongly about somebody. I am starting to feel sorry for the dude.
Note to anyone with metal braces: red wine is not a good option. Ali and mom talk about Kirk’s sickness. Somehow I always have trouble paying attention when this is discussed. I might be a terrible person. Mom likes Ali, hooray! (And how shocking) Kirk’s date earns a B-…even though dad redeemed himself; his initial creepiness was a little much. Plus, Kirk gets a little over the top in his interviews. Plus…well nevermind, I won’t get mean.
And finally, we get Frank in Chicago…can you feel my excitement? But seriously, what is he wearing??! I can’t be the only one who finds this weird. Also, why does Ali always talk about how her and Frank have a great relationship? Because they don’t seem to have a great relationship….Run, hug, lift! Frank does suck, but I would love to move to Chicago, so that would be an appealing part to me if I were Ali. They take a boat ride and behave like children. Ali points out that she could potentially be meeting her future in-laws today. Why didn’t she think that before? Does she really like Frank this much? My mind is blown. Frank assures Ali that his parents are not going to be tough on her. Frank says their relationship is up and down and really hard. He says this is really important to him, that it is the biggest decision of the rest of their lives. From where I am sitting on my couch writing this, I can see the copy of In Touch magazine with Frank’s picture on the front that says “Frank dumps her for his ex”. So yeah Frank, I’ll bet this is hard for you, knowing every woman in America is going to hate you. Frank is confused why Ali says she can’t figure him out. Frank seems really nervous about Ali meeting his family. Is it because they know he is planning to get together with his ex-girlfriend?
Ali meets mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law. Ali says she saved the best hometown visit for last. You already know how I feel about that. Frank tries to convince his family that Ali is shallow and only came to his hometown out of pity. How adorbs! Ali doesn’t hesitate when she tells mom that Frank could be the right person for her. Mom think Ali fits in with the family, and it’s almost as if her and Frank have been dating for a year. If Ali moves to Chicago, will she have to live with Frank’s family? Or will they take his $9.25 an hour from Banana Republic and find their own place? So many things to consider.
Sister keeps it real and tells Ali that Frank’s judgment is clouded by his emotions. She clearly knows of Frank’s plan to dump Ali and is already making excuses for him. Frank tells his dad that he really, REALLY likes Ali. Shut up Frank. UGGHHHH, no really, SHUT UP FRANK. Frank helps Ali into the SUV and then watches her go down the street. He makes sure she is out of sight before he borrows his mom’s car and drives to his ex-girlfriends house to get back together with her. Oh wait, we don’t find that out until next week. Sorry, SPOILER ALERT. Frank’s date doesn’t get a grade because I hate him (did you pick up on that yet?)
Back in LA! Ali sits down to talk to Chris Harrison, which has to be much easier than when Chris Harrison had to sit down and listen to Jake and Vienna stretch their 15 minutes as far as they could by fighting on national television!
Roberto is different from what Ali thought she deserved. The fairy tale guy (goes with my Disney princess theme…no…?)
Chris was the biggest surprise and she fell for him in a different way after seeing him with his family. She took the biggest steps forward with Chris, but says she wonders if it was too late.
Kirk’s parents are divorced we get it. But Ali says she was reassured that Kirk is ready to be in a relationship, but she is not sure if she is that girl for him.
Ali was so excited to see Frank and thinks his family is amazing. Chris asks Ali if she thinks Frank is insecure and she basically says “kind of.”
Ali feels scared because she was so ready when she went on her hometown visit with Jake, and now she feels stronger than some of the guys left than she did about Jake (uhhh thank goodness, Jake sucks almost as much as Frank)
Cue rose ceremony! Poor Kirk, we all know what is about to happen. Ali gets emotional because she also feels bad for Kirk (and his creepy dad). Roberto gets called first and then Chris. Ali, gentlemen, this is the final rose tonight, when you’re ready. Frank wonders if Ali can read his thoughts and tries to not think about how he is in another relationship. And…she puts us out of our misery by not waiting long to call Frank’s name. Kirk looks a little sad, but manages to keep his composure, atta boy. He says bye to his brah Roberto and then Ali walks him outside. Kirk says it hurts because he really opened himself up and it wasn’t what she was looking for. Awww, Kirk if I had any single friends I would send them your way! But weirdly, I don’t. Kirk said he didn’t see this coming. Does he not read US weekly? Why is Frank wearing jeans? They are going to Tahiti! Frank freaks out because he didn’t tell his girlfriend he’d be leaving the country.
Roll credits!
Seriously Chris, enroll your dog in some classes.
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