Well folks, we've reached the finale of season 2 of JS (don't worry, we still have the reunion next week). Anyway, this may go on record as the most boring episode the show has EVER seen. A quick trip to the everglades where they saw gators and ate frog legs (which the Situation casually vomited up on the ride home).
On the gang's second to last night in MIA Pauly and Vinny go on dates with their wifeys (not sure if their is a correct spelling of "wifeys") and Sammi and Ron went on another of their extremely annoying dates that OF COURSE ended in a fight. Don't worry guys, they made up four hours later at the club. Also four hours later at the club? Two gross looking women propositioned Vinny for a threesome, which he turned down because he is in l-o-v-e. The Situation wasted no time swooping in and taking his place. I have no desire to know what occurred in that bathroom stall.
On their last night in the house the gang decides it would be a good idea to pick superlatives for one another (although none of them could come up with the word "superlative". Also, Pauly asked how to spell "likely"). This, of course, turns into a disaster when Jenni says Mike is the fakest (most fake, people, come on!) Situation waits for Jenni to go to the bathroom before he declares her the fakest, to which some people may or may not have nodded in agreement with.
Snooki wastes no time telling Jenni what happened. When Jenni goes to confront everyone, Pauly completely loses his cool! I mean there were veins popping out from everywhere! Pauly, who are you!? This is not my lovable Pauly! There is lots of screaming and lots of whining from Snooki, but eventually everyone makes up. Well, Sammi still apparently hates everyone, but who really cares.
Also, a crow appears to the departing crew. A truly bad omen? I guess we'll just have to wait and see...(and by that I mean, wait until January 6, when season 3 premieres. I'm serious. We only have to wait 2 months this time.)
Showing posts with label reality tv. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reality tv. Show all posts
Saturday, October 23, 2010
RHOATL: Kylie Minogue, Lady Gaga, Kim Zolciak...?
Kim was at the center of this episode, as it mostly involved her nerves for her performance "sing" at her first "concert". It was a lot of build up to a pretty anti-climatic performance, involving her sitting in a giant martini glass and hardly performing.
NeNe's little puppy is adorable. Even if his name is Player. I love him. Also, I completely forgot that NeNe had any other children, am I the only one? Anyway, NeNe has to explain to this alleged other child why his older brother was arrested. Later they put a diaper on said puppy, which was weirdly cute.
I love that Kandi has no patience for Kim, despite the fact that they appear to be friends. It was a little rude for Kim to ask Kandi to come and sing back up for her, but she did kind of save the day for Kim with all her help.
I am surprised to say that Sheree continues to grow on me this season. I have NEVER been a Sheree fan in season's past, but I find her less annoying now, especially when she went to see her daughter. Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe this is the first time on the show that she has ever acknowledged that she has a grown child and I think that shows growth on her part. And she seems like a good mom! Good work, Sheree.
Phaedra, on the other hand, has yet to grow on me as a part of this show. Listening to her drone on and on about her husband's time spent in jail (it was a white collar crime people! He is no worse than Martha Stewart!) just endeared her to me less and less. She also thinks that Apollo has no idea how their child should be raised because he was raised in a white household. Okay...She is the one who would prefer he buy her a nice pair of shoes instead of saving that money for the baby...
Oh yeah, and that other one was in it too but I don't really remember what she said or did
NeNe's little puppy is adorable. Even if his name is Player. I love him. Also, I completely forgot that NeNe had any other children, am I the only one? Anyway, NeNe has to explain to this alleged other child why his older brother was arrested. Later they put a diaper on said puppy, which was weirdly cute.
I love that Kandi has no patience for Kim, despite the fact that they appear to be friends. It was a little rude for Kim to ask Kandi to come and sing back up for her, but she did kind of save the day for Kim with all her help.
I am surprised to say that Sheree continues to grow on me this season. I have NEVER been a Sheree fan in season's past, but I find her less annoying now, especially when she went to see her daughter. Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe this is the first time on the show that she has ever acknowledged that she has a grown child and I think that shows growth on her part. And she seems like a good mom! Good work, Sheree.
Phaedra, on the other hand, has yet to grow on me as a part of this show. Listening to her drone on and on about her husband's time spent in jail (it was a white collar crime people! He is no worse than Martha Stewart!) just endeared her to me less and less. She also thinks that Apollo has no idea how their child should be raised because he was raised in a white household. Okay...She is the one who would prefer he buy her a nice pair of shoes instead of saving that money for the baby...
Oh yeah, and that other one was in it too but I don't really remember what she said or did
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
10/11 RHOATL: Dwight DOESN'T get jumped by the heffers
We start with Kim, who is under the impression that she is now a pop star. This prompts her to take her assistant/bestie Sweetie (real name) on a run to keep her body in shape. This lass all of 5 minutes before she decides a beer is in order. Unfortunately, the beer delivery guy only encourages her by singing a little "tardy for the party". Kim also gets invited to Palm Springs to sing in front of 10,000 people. Only the gays.
Kandi is working with Ne-Yo! She knows all kinds of famous people! Is she going to go on a date with him too? Ne-Yo does not approve of Auto-Tune, meaning he does not enjoy "Tardy for the Party". Speaking of...apparently Kim stiffed Kandi out of profits she promised for the unfortunately catchy song. What a beyotch. Kandi also really knows the music business, as Kim delightfully tells us. She knows about microphones and sound checks. Yup, that's what she is good for.
Sheree is going on a blind date, just like a regular person! And she is super nervous, just like a regular person! Hates the restaurant, hates the flowers, hates her date's laugh. Ah, that's our girl! Once she lets her guard down she does have fun (and why wouldn't she, that man is gorgeous!). Even if she is a terrible dancer (just like a regular person!)
We met the other new housewife Cynthia, a supermodel, who looks different in ever scene. She already seems annoying, but maybe that is just me? I mean, what does she mean by "I've been engaged at least three times"? WTH does that mean? Are there times she can't recall? Strange.
NeNe seems to have a real friend in this Cynthia chick, and that makes me feel happy for her, as NeNe seems to be going a little cray cray as of late. Guess I won't dislike Cynthia AS much as I initially thought. However, it becomes a little more clear why NeNe is so cray cray when Brice shows up asking to move back home. Um, the kid got busted for drugs because he went to visit his friend in jail and had WEED in his pocket. Is this real life? NeNe also does something we have never seen on an episode of real housewives before; she has a fairly calm conversation with Dwight in regards to the rumors he spread. They has it out and put it to rest. Just like regular people!
Phaedra, who I now remember is my least favorite (you got off easy Cynthia) shows up to Kandi's performance with Dwight, uh oh! Phaedra sits at a separate table from the rest of the housewives, interesting. We also learn that Phaedra's husband may or may not have been in prison. Finally, she refers to the other ladies as "heffers" NOT cool (because I am weirdly attached to them...?)
Next week: Kim's big performance! Phaedra is going to beat her unborn child! Sheree confronts Dwight!
Kandi is working with Ne-Yo! She knows all kinds of famous people! Is she going to go on a date with him too? Ne-Yo does not approve of Auto-Tune, meaning he does not enjoy "Tardy for the Party". Speaking of...apparently Kim stiffed Kandi out of profits she promised for the unfortunately catchy song. What a beyotch. Kandi also really knows the music business, as Kim delightfully tells us. She knows about microphones and sound checks. Yup, that's what she is good for.
Sheree is going on a blind date, just like a regular person! And she is super nervous, just like a regular person! Hates the restaurant, hates the flowers, hates her date's laugh. Ah, that's our girl! Once she lets her guard down she does have fun (and why wouldn't she, that man is gorgeous!). Even if she is a terrible dancer (just like a regular person!)
We met the other new housewife Cynthia, a supermodel, who looks different in ever scene. She already seems annoying, but maybe that is just me? I mean, what does she mean by "I've been engaged at least three times"? WTH does that mean? Are there times she can't recall? Strange.
NeNe seems to have a real friend in this Cynthia chick, and that makes me feel happy for her, as NeNe seems to be going a little cray cray as of late. Guess I won't dislike Cynthia AS much as I initially thought. However, it becomes a little more clear why NeNe is so cray cray when Brice shows up asking to move back home. Um, the kid got busted for drugs because he went to visit his friend in jail and had WEED in his pocket. Is this real life? NeNe also does something we have never seen on an episode of real housewives before; she has a fairly calm conversation with Dwight in regards to the rumors he spread. They has it out and put it to rest. Just like regular people!
Phaedra, who I now remember is my least favorite (you got off easy Cynthia) shows up to Kandi's performance with Dwight, uh oh! Phaedra sits at a separate table from the rest of the housewives, interesting. We also learn that Phaedra's husband may or may not have been in prison. Finally, she refers to the other ladies as "heffers" NOT cool (because I am weirdly attached to them...?)
Next week: Kim's big performance! Phaedra is going to beat her unborn child! Sheree confronts Dwight!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
10.7 Jersey Shore: Um, can I get one of those margaritas?
Dear 4.5 people who regularly read this blog. I must offer my sincerest apologies for last week's JS post. I was DEATHLY ill last week and still tried to get my post up, it was awful. I know. I am sorry.
Anyway, this week we get our first Angelina-free episode and, well, it was mostly boring. Let's catch up with our lovable guidos and guidettes.
This was really Snooki's episode. We met her friend Ryder, a taller version of Snooks, who feasibly had the worst trip of her entire life. Both nights they went out Snooki got into a fight with Situation, which couldn't have been fun for Ryder. However, Snooki really shined when she sincerely apologized to Sam for the note and just wanted to put all the drama behind her. And how could we forget her attempt to rescue one of the lobsters the boys were going to cook. "I'm not sure what lobsters eat, but I think they eat like insects or something. So I was going to feed them, like, worms."
It's nice to finally see Pauly calling out the Situation. He is not a good friend nor a good wingman, so I like that Pauly seems to want less and less to do with him.
JWoww didn't really do much this episode, except halfheartedly apologize to Sam for the note. And mostly run her fingers through her hair nonstop. This scene could have been something straight out of the hills. One person says something, no one responds, the camera shows each person staring off into space.
Vinny finally got his date with Ramona and this made me happy for him. He even packed a picnic and played with her stupid dog! Yay Vinny!
Sam needs to just forgive Jenni. I really do want to like Sam, but the fact that she won't even look at Jenni when she apologizes drives me crazy. However, it was good to see her immediately forgive Snooki. Baby steps.
Ronnie wasn't in this episode. At all. Oh, except when he called out Sam for making out with Situation when she met him. That was genius.
And finally, we reach The (uber creepy) Situation himself. He must have figured with Angelina gone that someone had to step up and be the biggest bitch. Or perhaps he has roid rage. I suppose we'll never know. But slapping Snooki on the face AND trying to steal Vinny's girl in one night? Get over yourself bud.
Anyway, this week we get our first Angelina-free episode and, well, it was mostly boring. Let's catch up with our lovable guidos and guidettes.
This was really Snooki's episode. We met her friend Ryder, a taller version of Snooks, who feasibly had the worst trip of her entire life. Both nights they went out Snooki got into a fight with Situation, which couldn't have been fun for Ryder. However, Snooki really shined when she sincerely apologized to Sam for the note and just wanted to put all the drama behind her. And how could we forget her attempt to rescue one of the lobsters the boys were going to cook. "I'm not sure what lobsters eat, but I think they eat like insects or something. So I was going to feed them, like, worms."
It's nice to finally see Pauly calling out the Situation. He is not a good friend nor a good wingman, so I like that Pauly seems to want less and less to do with him.
JWoww didn't really do much this episode, except halfheartedly apologize to Sam for the note. And mostly run her fingers through her hair nonstop. This scene could have been something straight out of the hills. One person says something, no one responds, the camera shows each person staring off into space.
Vinny finally got his date with Ramona and this made me happy for him. He even packed a picnic and played with her stupid dog! Yay Vinny!
Sam needs to just forgive Jenni. I really do want to like Sam, but the fact that she won't even look at Jenni when she apologizes drives me crazy. However, it was good to see her immediately forgive Snooki. Baby steps.
Ronnie wasn't in this episode. At all. Oh, except when he called out Sam for making out with Situation when she met him. That was genius.
And finally, we reach The (uber creepy) Situation himself. He must have figured with Angelina gone that someone had to step up and be the biggest bitch. Or perhaps he has roid rage. I suppose we'll never know. But slapping Snooki on the face AND trying to steal Vinny's girl in one night? Get over yourself bud.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 3 Premiere
Our favorite southern belles are back! From Kim's channeling of Danielle Staub to Kandi's date with Willis Mcgahee to Nene's...well being Nene, I forgot how much I have missed these ladies, so let's catch up (and meet the new blood.)
Sheree is taking acting classes because she thinks she could win an Oscar. Apparently she has moved on from her dream of becoming a fashion designer. So basically she has the same career mentality as a 6-year-old girl. Oh, and apparently Dwight spent $30,000 of his own money on her fashion show and she never even bought him a present!!
Kim is now a bisexual, maybe. She also has decided to make up with Nene, because they have fun 99.9% of the time, as long as Nene isn't chocking her. Her and Kandi still seem to be good friends and she is still wearing that "engagement ring" that Big Poppa "gave" her when he "proposed" to her. Still crazy as ever, and that is why we love you Kim.
NeNe is slowly losing her mind (right?!), she just can't seem to keep it together. First, she becomes frantic while getting her house ready for Kim to come over (she wears a ball gown for crying out loud!) Then, she has to find out via Kim that Greg allegedly borrowed $10,000 from Dwight without telling NeNe. But it was really when NeNe gets the opportunity to confront Dwight about this at a shoe show hosted by Sheree that we saw a different, slightly insane, side of Nene.
Lisa is gone.
Kandi is still recovering from the death of her fiancee, AJ. Luckily, she has Willis Mcgahee to take her on dates to help with the process. That's all we really saw of Kandi in this episode, but that may be because she is the most sane person in this cast (not saying much).
We only met one of the new women in this episode, Phaedra. Phaedra is more of a southern "lady" than the others on the show (again, not saying much). She is from the same town as NeNe, but isn't impressed with her. Although, I will give her credit as it seems she is a very successful attorney. She is also very pregnant and is friends with Dwight.
This season actually looks pretty good and I must admit that I am pretty excited for it. Until next week!
Sheree is taking acting classes because she thinks she could win an Oscar. Apparently she has moved on from her dream of becoming a fashion designer. So basically she has the same career mentality as a 6-year-old girl. Oh, and apparently Dwight spent $30,000 of his own money on her fashion show and she never even bought him a present!!
Kim is now a bisexual, maybe. She also has decided to make up with Nene, because they have fun 99.9% of the time, as long as Nene isn't chocking her. Her and Kandi still seem to be good friends and she is still wearing that "engagement ring" that Big Poppa "gave" her when he "proposed" to her. Still crazy as ever, and that is why we love you Kim.
NeNe is slowly losing her mind (right?!), she just can't seem to keep it together. First, she becomes frantic while getting her house ready for Kim to come over (she wears a ball gown for crying out loud!) Then, she has to find out via Kim that Greg allegedly borrowed $10,000 from Dwight without telling NeNe. But it was really when NeNe gets the opportunity to confront Dwight about this at a shoe show hosted by Sheree that we saw a different, slightly insane, side of Nene.
Lisa is gone.
Kandi is still recovering from the death of her fiancee, AJ. Luckily, she has Willis Mcgahee to take her on dates to help with the process. That's all we really saw of Kandi in this episode, but that may be because she is the most sane person in this cast (not saying much).
We only met one of the new women in this episode, Phaedra. Phaedra is more of a southern "lady" than the others on the show (again, not saying much). She is from the same town as NeNe, but isn't impressed with her. Although, I will give her credit as it seems she is a very successful attorney. She is also very pregnant and is friends with Dwight.
This season actually looks pretty good and I must admit that I am pretty excited for it. Until next week!
Monday, October 4, 2010
9.30 Jersey Shore: Angelina gets in a fight with...everyone
So once again I'm way behind on this recap, so instead of my usual, let's just catch up with each of our heroes.
Sammi wasn't in this episode, so I have nothing to say. Oh, but she and Angelina aren't friends anymore.
Snooki was mysteriously missing for the first half of this episode. Could this have been when she was allegedly hospitalized for alcohol poisoning? Hmm, #thingstoponder. However, she made her triumphant return in the second half of the episode and made it well worth the wait. First, she spent her "shift" at her "job" making a lists of things she likes (Guido Juicehead Gorillas, huge earrings, Ed Hardy), things she hates (Boys/jerkoffs/fame whores, hangovers, people) and who her ideal guy would be (tan, Guido Gorilla Juicehead, pays for meals etc.) She also may have let it slip that she was on match.com. Amazeballs. Finally, in one of my favorite moments of the season, she ripped out her earrings and laid the beat down on Angelina. Good work this week Snooks.
Vinny, like Sammi, wasn't much of a presence this episode. But let's talk about how each week he and Pauly become a cuter and cuter bromance.
Ronnie has been noticeably absent ever since he stopped three-way kissing gross women, but taking the role of announcer upon himself for Angelina and Snooki's fight made up for that. "Standing in one corner, four-foot nine-inches, two inches with the pouf, Nicole Snooki Polizzi. Standing in the other corner, at 322 pounds, the Staten Island Dump" Well played, Ron Ron.
Pauly was as adorable as ever as the house alarm clock and narrator of all events. Can't wait for your spin off Pauly!!!
Situation finally got it in with his Canadian girl girl this week. Good for him. While I find myself liking The Situation less and less, I did understand why he was mad about Angelina sleeping in his bed, especially because it was her AND her boyfriend. I would have been pissed as well! He also tried to calmly ask her to apologize, but she was not having it.
JWOWW weirdly tried to convince Angelina to stay. I guess it was just a woman-to-woman thing? Also, her boyfriend left and she was sad.
Angelina surprised me by staying this long, I thought she would have been gone a LONG time ago. But luckily for us, the end of Angelina has finally come. She went out on a high note though, fighting with both Situation and Snooki in her final hours. As Ronnie so beautifully put it, "no hair off my back."
Sammi wasn't in this episode, so I have nothing to say. Oh, but she and Angelina aren't friends anymore.
Snooki was mysteriously missing for the first half of this episode. Could this have been when she was allegedly hospitalized for alcohol poisoning? Hmm, #thingstoponder. However, she made her triumphant return in the second half of the episode and made it well worth the wait. First, she spent her "shift" at her "job" making a lists of things she likes (Guido Juicehead Gorillas, huge earrings, Ed Hardy), things she hates (Boys/jerkoffs/fame whores, hangovers, people) and who her ideal guy would be (tan, Guido Gorilla Juicehead, pays for meals etc.) She also may have let it slip that she was on match.com. Amazeballs. Finally, in one of my favorite moments of the season, she ripped out her earrings and laid the beat down on Angelina. Good work this week Snooks.
Vinny, like Sammi, wasn't much of a presence this episode. But let's talk about how each week he and Pauly become a cuter and cuter bromance.
Ronnie has been noticeably absent ever since he stopped three-way kissing gross women, but taking the role of announcer upon himself for Angelina and Snooki's fight made up for that. "Standing in one corner, four-foot nine-inches, two inches with the pouf, Nicole Snooki Polizzi. Standing in the other corner, at 322 pounds, the Staten Island Dump" Well played, Ron Ron.
Pauly was as adorable as ever as the house alarm clock and narrator of all events. Can't wait for your spin off Pauly!!!
Situation finally got it in with his Canadian girl girl this week. Good for him. While I find myself liking The Situation less and less, I did understand why he was mad about Angelina sleeping in his bed, especially because it was her AND her boyfriend. I would have been pissed as well! He also tried to calmly ask her to apologize, but she was not having it.
JWOWW weirdly tried to convince Angelina to stay. I guess it was just a woman-to-woman thing? Also, her boyfriend left and she was sad.
Angelina surprised me by staying this long, I thought she would have been gone a LONG time ago. But luckily for us, the end of Angelina has finally come. She went out on a high note though, fighting with both Situation and Snooki in her final hours. As Ronnie so beautifully put it, "no hair off my back."
Sunday, September 26, 2010
9.23 Jersey Shore PLUS Pauly's Getting a Spin-off!!!!
Yes people, Pauly is getting a spin-off following his DJ career. YAY!!!! Let’s hope that Vinny makes frequent guest appearances.
It’s been so long since we last saw our heroes!! A quick reminder: Angelina is a hypocritical whore and Vinny was stood up. And go…
We find Vinny continuing to wait for his rare rose to show up. She’s not going to. We all knew that last episode. Even when Pauly comes home from his date, poor little Vinny is still sulking.
Angelina and Jose go on a double date with Ronnie and Sammi to celebrate Jose’s birthday. Ah, the two most dysfunctional couples in Miami, a match made in heaven. For some reason Jose is still completely smitten with Angelina, which is a mystery to all of us (right?) When the lovely couples return home after their amazing (snore) date, Ronnie gives the flowers that Vinny bought for his date to Sam. Lame. Meanwhile, Jose was expecting some birthday sex from Angelina, but it ain’t gonna happen.
The next day Angelina lies to her roommates and says she smashed Jose the night before? What is the point of this lie? Apparently she thought that everyone would stop talking shit about her, but guess what! It just infuriates Situation more. But Snooki sums it all up for us, calling Angelina a “loosey goosey”.
Now let’s take a moment to discuss how Pauly is the most underrated person on this show. The girl he is dating is not a ho or a stalker. Plus, watching him drag Snooki out of her bed was the funniest moment of this episode. Also, I am liking that Vinny is his new wing man. Dropping Situation was a good life decision. He even creeps Sammi out.
JWoww’s BF Tom comes to visit. He is there all of five minutes before snooping through her stuff and finds a phone number she shouldn’t have had. He then proceeds to throw a fit like a 6 year old and is ready to leave. Fun visit! Luckily he gets over it quickly and they romantically pick each other’s noses.
Also visiting is Angelina’s friend. I don’t care. They all go out and Angelina decides to mack on Snooki’s former tryst, Dennis. Snooki is absolutely right, Angelina LOVES her sloppy seconds. Also, Situation tries to hook up with a girl in the bathroom. Ew. Security ruins this for him. Then he loses her. Ha ha ha. Also, Sammi and Ronnie are in love again, so they are completely irrelevant to the show now. Other things to be noted from this night: Pauly calls Angelina out on her bullshit and Snooki escapes to Vinny’s bed after tickling JWoww and Toms feet while they were smushing.
Situation’s lady friend leaves a note with her number on the front gate. Not desperate. At all. He can hardly contain himself and decides to clean to entire house in preparation for her visit. Unfortunately, Angelina is incapable of dealing with her monthly situation in an appropriate way and Situation is the one to find the dirty trash can. This can’t end well.
When Angelina gets home from the beach with a new man friend (how does she get all these guys?!) she finds the used pad that Situation left under her pillow. If I didn’t think she was such an awful human being, I might feel a little embarrassed. But I don’t. Then they yell at each other as the credits roll. The typical end to every episode.
But next week…the fight we’ve all been waiting for! Snooki’s beatdown on Angelina! Yippee!
It’s been so long since we last saw our heroes!! A quick reminder: Angelina is a hypocritical whore and Vinny was stood up. And go…
We find Vinny continuing to wait for his rare rose to show up. She’s not going to. We all knew that last episode. Even when Pauly comes home from his date, poor little Vinny is still sulking.
Angelina and Jose go on a double date with Ronnie and Sammi to celebrate Jose’s birthday. Ah, the two most dysfunctional couples in Miami, a match made in heaven. For some reason Jose is still completely smitten with Angelina, which is a mystery to all of us (right?) When the lovely couples return home after their amazing (snore) date, Ronnie gives the flowers that Vinny bought for his date to Sam. Lame. Meanwhile, Jose was expecting some birthday sex from Angelina, but it ain’t gonna happen.
The next day Angelina lies to her roommates and says she smashed Jose the night before? What is the point of this lie? Apparently she thought that everyone would stop talking shit about her, but guess what! It just infuriates Situation more. But Snooki sums it all up for us, calling Angelina a “loosey goosey”.
Now let’s take a moment to discuss how Pauly is the most underrated person on this show. The girl he is dating is not a ho or a stalker. Plus, watching him drag Snooki out of her bed was the funniest moment of this episode. Also, I am liking that Vinny is his new wing man. Dropping Situation was a good life decision. He even creeps Sammi out.
JWoww’s BF Tom comes to visit. He is there all of five minutes before snooping through her stuff and finds a phone number she shouldn’t have had. He then proceeds to throw a fit like a 6 year old and is ready to leave. Fun visit! Luckily he gets over it quickly and they romantically pick each other’s noses.
Also visiting is Angelina’s friend. I don’t care. They all go out and Angelina decides to mack on Snooki’s former tryst, Dennis. Snooki is absolutely right, Angelina LOVES her sloppy seconds. Also, Situation tries to hook up with a girl in the bathroom. Ew. Security ruins this for him. Then he loses her. Ha ha ha. Also, Sammi and Ronnie are in love again, so they are completely irrelevant to the show now. Other things to be noted from this night: Pauly calls Angelina out on her bullshit and Snooki escapes to Vinny’s bed after tickling JWoww and Toms feet while they were smushing.
Situation’s lady friend leaves a note with her number on the front gate. Not desperate. At all. He can hardly contain himself and decides to clean to entire house in preparation for her visit. Unfortunately, Angelina is incapable of dealing with her monthly situation in an appropriate way and Situation is the one to find the dirty trash can. This can’t end well.
When Angelina gets home from the beach with a new man friend (how does she get all these guys?!) she finds the used pad that Situation left under her pillow. If I didn’t think she was such an awful human being, I might feel a little embarrassed. But I don’t. Then they yell at each other as the credits roll. The typical end to every episode.
But next week…the fight we’ve all been waiting for! Snooki’s beatdown on Angelina! Yippee!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Project Runway Week 8
Well kiddies, this week of Project Runway was slightly depressing. The designers were tossed a softball-American Sportswear inspired by Jackie Kennedy. Only Mondolicious got it and that is why he was a VERY deserving winner. Yay Mondo! He managed to create a sleek very modern Jackie Kennedy look with a Mondo twist:
Unfortunately, this week was the end of the road for my favorite sassy queen, Michael D. He will be missed, but this meant Valerie was safe and for some reason I am still cheering for her.
[screen caps from Tom and Lorenzo]
Unfortunately, this week was the end of the road for my favorite sassy queen, Michael D. He will be missed, but this meant Valerie was safe and for some reason I am still cheering for her.
[screen caps from Tom and Lorenzo]
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
BACHELOR PAD FINALE!!! (all caps because I just want it to end)
The two hour finale of Bachelor Pad was kind of a snooze. Instead of boring you with the insignificant details, here are the main events.
-Each of the remaining couples got to train for a ball room dancing competition with professionals from Dancing with the Stars
-Obviously, Tenley and Kiptyn won said competition. Their prize? Roses and a free trip to the finale. PLUS they got to pick which other couple they wanted in the finale. They decide to go with their friends and pick Natalie and Dave.
-The second part was filmed in front of a live studio audience about a week ago. The two final couples come back to face everyone who had been eliminated-Survivor style.
-Elizabeth had some sense knocked into her and dyed her hair back to its original color. Her and Kovacs are not dating. Gia and Wes pretend to be in love. Gia calls Kiptyn out for not saving Nikki when she was the reason he made it to the end. Blah blah blah.
-The 15 eliminated contestants voted on which couple they wanted to see get the money. Natalie and Dave won, most likely because of Tenley's annoying personality. Too bad for Kip.
-Natalie and Dave were then taken into separate deliberation rooms. They were faced with a choice: Keep the money or share with their partner. It both picked share, they would split the money 50/50. If one person picked share and one picked keep, the person who picked keep would get all the money. If they both picked keep, then the money would be split amongst the other 15 eliminated contestants.
-Dave pick share. Natalie pretends like she picked keep, but she didn't. That trickster.
-So in the end, Dave and Natalie each walk away with $125,000. While I wasn't keen on either of them from the beginning, I don't really mind that they won. Natalie seemed like she was going to do good things with the money, so I guess I am kind of happy for her.
Alright kiddos, no more Bachelor/ette (Pad) recaps until January!
-Each of the remaining couples got to train for a ball room dancing competition with professionals from Dancing with the Stars
-Obviously, Tenley and Kiptyn won said competition. Their prize? Roses and a free trip to the finale. PLUS they got to pick which other couple they wanted in the finale. They decide to go with their friends and pick Natalie and Dave.
-The second part was filmed in front of a live studio audience about a week ago. The two final couples come back to face everyone who had been eliminated-Survivor style.
-Elizabeth had some sense knocked into her and dyed her hair back to its original color. Her and Kovacs are not dating. Gia and Wes pretend to be in love. Gia calls Kiptyn out for not saving Nikki when she was the reason he made it to the end. Blah blah blah.
-The 15 eliminated contestants voted on which couple they wanted to see get the money. Natalie and Dave won, most likely because of Tenley's annoying personality. Too bad for Kip.
-Natalie and Dave were then taken into separate deliberation rooms. They were faced with a choice: Keep the money or share with their partner. It both picked share, they would split the money 50/50. If one person picked share and one picked keep, the person who picked keep would get all the money. If they both picked keep, then the money would be split amongst the other 15 eliminated contestants.
-Dave pick share. Natalie pretends like she picked keep, but she didn't. That trickster.
-So in the end, Dave and Natalie each walk away with $125,000. While I wasn't keen on either of them from the beginning, I don't really mind that they won. Natalie seemed like she was going to do good things with the money, so I guess I am kind of happy for her.
Alright kiddos, no more Bachelor/ette (Pad) recaps until January!
Monday, September 13, 2010
9.12 Jersey Shore: The Original Guido
Bonus episode time! We once again pick up right where we left off…Angelina’s attempt to discreetly leave Vinny’s bed. Fail, we all saw your ass cheeks. It doesn’t take long for the whole house to learn that Angelina and Vinny hooked up. The guys are pissed (apparently they are BFFs with Jose these days) and say she is a hypocritical whore and has proven the “ho equation”, as in if you treat a girl nicely she isn’t going to smush you, but verball abuse her and she is all yours. Snooki takes the situation personally, as it has only been a mere few weeks since our Snooks hooked up with Vinny.
Conveniently for the producers, Vinny’s mom calls the next morning and Angelina picks up. Vinny’s family is coming for a visit. His mom cooks an incredible looking meal (why aren’t more Italians obese?) and more importantly we meet Vinny’s Uncle Nino. Uncle Nino speaks his own language, it’s not Italian and it is most definitely not English. Needless to say, I did not catch a single word that came out of his mouth. He also seems to have found his soul mate in JWoww…who makes her first appearance in the hot tub this season with Uncle Nino. Um, gross.
Vinny’s family leaves and it’s time for the roommates to hit the town. Angelina bails on Jose because she is scared Situation will tell him about her tryst with Vinny, which is probably true. However, once she gets to the club, she wastes no time finding a new man to tease. What a sliggity. Pauly and Situation also find two friends that are willing to come home with them, because for some reason they have to synchronize their sex lives. Unfortunately, this doesn’t bode well for either as Situation’s girl has a boyfriend and forces her friend to leave with her. Luckily, Pauly has a collection of numbers he can call to find a girl who is DTF, but she has to bring a friend for Sitch (obviously). However, said girl apparently doesn’t have any friends who aren’t grenades. I bet her friends who are watching are PISSED. Situation settles for creepily watching Pauly hook up while eating an egg sandwich.
Angelina finally mans up and decides its time to face Jose, but she’s not going to tell him what happened, she’s just going to make out with him. Situation is there to make sure she doesn’t get away with it, and Angelina finally confesses (but doesn’t exactly tell the whole truth.) Meanwhile, Vinny is falling in love with a dancer. Like he could see himself marrying her. Ditto for Pauly, except she wasn’t a dancer and seemed relatively normal.
The next day they decide to take these lovely ladies on a double date. Well Vinny awkwardly asks for a sympathy date, while Pauly, smooth as ever tells his girl “Vinny’s gonna take that girl he’s in love with, I’m gonna take the girl I’m in love with and you can come too.” I love you Pauly. The boys go out and HSF (haircut, shopping, florist) for their big dates. Then after all this prep work…dancer lady bails on Vinny! Something sketchy is going on, my guess? She has a boyfriend…right? Even when he calls her back and begs she still stands him up. Poor guy, maybe Angelina will let him hop on the Staten Island ferry for another free ride.
Welp, that’s all for this lovely bonus episode. When’s that fight between Snooks and Angelina? Because that’s what I want to see. Also, anyone else notice that Sammi and Ronnie didn’t get much screen time this episode? My dream is coming true.
Conveniently for the producers, Vinny’s mom calls the next morning and Angelina picks up. Vinny’s family is coming for a visit. His mom cooks an incredible looking meal (why aren’t more Italians obese?) and more importantly we meet Vinny’s Uncle Nino. Uncle Nino speaks his own language, it’s not Italian and it is most definitely not English. Needless to say, I did not catch a single word that came out of his mouth. He also seems to have found his soul mate in JWoww…who makes her first appearance in the hot tub this season with Uncle Nino. Um, gross.
Vinny’s family leaves and it’s time for the roommates to hit the town. Angelina bails on Jose because she is scared Situation will tell him about her tryst with Vinny, which is probably true. However, once she gets to the club, she wastes no time finding a new man to tease. What a sliggity. Pauly and Situation also find two friends that are willing to come home with them, because for some reason they have to synchronize their sex lives. Unfortunately, this doesn’t bode well for either as Situation’s girl has a boyfriend and forces her friend to leave with her. Luckily, Pauly has a collection of numbers he can call to find a girl who is DTF, but she has to bring a friend for Sitch (obviously). However, said girl apparently doesn’t have any friends who aren’t grenades. I bet her friends who are watching are PISSED. Situation settles for creepily watching Pauly hook up while eating an egg sandwich.
Angelina finally mans up and decides its time to face Jose, but she’s not going to tell him what happened, she’s just going to make out with him. Situation is there to make sure she doesn’t get away with it, and Angelina finally confesses (but doesn’t exactly tell the whole truth.) Meanwhile, Vinny is falling in love with a dancer. Like he could see himself marrying her. Ditto for Pauly, except she wasn’t a dancer and seemed relatively normal.
The next day they decide to take these lovely ladies on a double date. Well Vinny awkwardly asks for a sympathy date, while Pauly, smooth as ever tells his girl “Vinny’s gonna take that girl he’s in love with, I’m gonna take the girl I’m in love with and you can come too.” I love you Pauly. The boys go out and HSF (haircut, shopping, florist) for their big dates. Then after all this prep work…dancer lady bails on Vinny! Something sketchy is going on, my guess? She has a boyfriend…right? Even when he calls her back and begs she still stands him up. Poor guy, maybe Angelina will let him hop on the Staten Island ferry for another free ride.
Welp, that’s all for this lovely bonus episode. When’s that fight between Snooks and Angelina? Because that’s what I want to see. Also, anyone else notice that Sammi and Ronnie didn’t get much screen time this episode? My dream is coming true.
9.6 Jersey Shore: A Land Where Fossil Watches are the Highest Honor
This week’s episode picks up mid fight between two people that shouldn’t have been involved in a fight the first place. Ronnie tries to get into it with Vinny for starting it (but later apologizes) and Angelina makes a lot of loud, incoherent noise. Everyone goes to their corners and it is done with. The next morning, the kitchen is filled with fake nails, Sammi’s hair extensions (seriously, you make the big bucks now, do away with the clip in extensions) and lunch meat. JWoww calls off work as she needs to get her nails fixed. Listen, she’s JWoww, okay? It’s excuseable.
Later, Angelina, Situation and Vinny are at work and Angelina rants about how Vinny is terrible (and not even good looking.) This scene, however, brings us the most important part of the show: Jose buying Angelina a Fossil watch. Still doesn’t mean she’s gonna give it up!
I am not going to write about Sammi and Ronnie’s date, as I am hoping ignoring their presence on the show will make them go away (highly unlikely).
Back at home, Vinny is in the hot tub, simmering with hatred for Angelina. Love the build up to their inevitable hook up (we all know it happens, right?) Also, does Situation’s sister live in the house now? She just seems to always be there. The gang (minus Snooks and JWoww) goes to Felt to play pool. Now, imagaine the horror when (oh no!) Snooki and JWoww show up! The nerve of them!
The next morning, Situation’s sister leaves, so I was wrong. (See, I don’t have a problem admitting when I’m wrong!) Snooki and JWoww go to the beach and it makes me sad because they should not be alienated! Look, they should have gone about it in a different way, but that note wasn’t bad enough to get them exiled, sheesh! Anyway, Snooki claims her ethnicity is tan and all is right in the world again.
In one of the most poorly edited scenes this show has seen, the next scene is clearly from the night of the fight (they’re all in the same clothes from that night!) Angelina calls Vinny out for running to JWoww and for apparently being ugly and bringing home ugly girls. Vinny then comes at her with several insults, including calling her the “Rob Kardashian of Staten Island.” However, Pauly’s facial expressions in this scene make up for the editing misstep.
Later on at the club Vinny meets the most beautiful girl he has seen in Miami. Bonus! She works at Hooters! Classy all the way, my friends. Angelina calls her a grenade, which is harsh. She was not unattractive, Angelina just has the personality of a 5 year old. Go snuggle with your Fossil watch. More importantly, Snooki meets a nice fella who she can “dance like Spanish people” with. She brings home said gentleman, who helps himself to everything in their kitchen. Once his tummy is full, it’s time for some moaning and awkward conversation. Oh, and his name is Dennis. (Even Snooki can’t say it without laughing!) Poor JWoww. Snooki sets us all straight in the morning, swearing that she didn’t let him get it in. She is saving herself….for tomorrow night!
The next night everyone is getting ready to go out again (such a nice life they lead). Angelina calls Jose and he tells her to behave! The nerve of him! But really, he has invested a lot in the girl…he bought her a Fossil watch guys! He can tell her to behave if he wants to. FOSSIL WATCH. While the others go out to play, Snooks invites her new man friend over, but first they must sanitize the smush room! Once the room has been fumigated, Snooks tells Dannis to bring a hot friend over for JWoww. Dennis misunderstands and brings a man-grenade. Man-grenade is almost immediately kicked out and Snooki gets it in.
Back with the party people, it’s 4 AM and time to leave the club. Everyone’s wasted in the cab and Vinny and Angelina share a very uncomfortable looking make out sesh. However, Pauly has the line of the night when he says “can we stop so Vinny can buy a Fossil Watch.” That Pauly, what a guy. When they get back to the house Angelina pretends she isn’t going to hook up with Vinny. She is. Remember when he told you that you were the Staten Island dump amongst many other insults? You really showed him!
Next week, the backlash from the hook up from hell. (And probably more talk about Fossil watches.)
Later, Angelina, Situation and Vinny are at work and Angelina rants about how Vinny is terrible (and not even good looking.) This scene, however, brings us the most important part of the show: Jose buying Angelina a Fossil watch. Still doesn’t mean she’s gonna give it up!
I am not going to write about Sammi and Ronnie’s date, as I am hoping ignoring their presence on the show will make them go away (highly unlikely).
Back at home, Vinny is in the hot tub, simmering with hatred for Angelina. Love the build up to their inevitable hook up (we all know it happens, right?) Also, does Situation’s sister live in the house now? She just seems to always be there. The gang (minus Snooks and JWoww) goes to Felt to play pool. Now, imagaine the horror when (oh no!) Snooki and JWoww show up! The nerve of them!
The next morning, Situation’s sister leaves, so I was wrong. (See, I don’t have a problem admitting when I’m wrong!) Snooki and JWoww go to the beach and it makes me sad because they should not be alienated! Look, they should have gone about it in a different way, but that note wasn’t bad enough to get them exiled, sheesh! Anyway, Snooki claims her ethnicity is tan and all is right in the world again.
In one of the most poorly edited scenes this show has seen, the next scene is clearly from the night of the fight (they’re all in the same clothes from that night!) Angelina calls Vinny out for running to JWoww and for apparently being ugly and bringing home ugly girls. Vinny then comes at her with several insults, including calling her the “Rob Kardashian of Staten Island.” However, Pauly’s facial expressions in this scene make up for the editing misstep.
Later on at the club Vinny meets the most beautiful girl he has seen in Miami. Bonus! She works at Hooters! Classy all the way, my friends. Angelina calls her a grenade, which is harsh. She was not unattractive, Angelina just has the personality of a 5 year old. Go snuggle with your Fossil watch. More importantly, Snooki meets a nice fella who she can “dance like Spanish people” with. She brings home said gentleman, who helps himself to everything in their kitchen. Once his tummy is full, it’s time for some moaning and awkward conversation. Oh, and his name is Dennis. (Even Snooki can’t say it without laughing!) Poor JWoww. Snooki sets us all straight in the morning, swearing that she didn’t let him get it in. She is saving herself….for tomorrow night!
The next night everyone is getting ready to go out again (such a nice life they lead). Angelina calls Jose and he tells her to behave! The nerve of him! But really, he has invested a lot in the girl…he bought her a Fossil watch guys! He can tell her to behave if he wants to. FOSSIL WATCH. While the others go out to play, Snooks invites her new man friend over, but first they must sanitize the smush room! Once the room has been fumigated, Snooks tells Dannis to bring a hot friend over for JWoww. Dennis misunderstands and brings a man-grenade. Man-grenade is almost immediately kicked out and Snooki gets it in.
Back with the party people, it’s 4 AM and time to leave the club. Everyone’s wasted in the cab and Vinny and Angelina share a very uncomfortable looking make out sesh. However, Pauly has the line of the night when he says “can we stop so Vinny can buy a Fossil Watch.” That Pauly, what a guy. When they get back to the house Angelina pretends she isn’t going to hook up with Vinny. She is. Remember when he told you that you were the Staten Island dump amongst many other insults? You really showed him!
Next week, the backlash from the hook up from hell. (And probably more talk about Fossil watches.)
Monday, September 6, 2010
RHONJ Reunion Part 2: Dullsville
Tonight: Part 2 of the most insane Real Housewives episode ever!!!
We jump right back into it, bringing up the night at the Brownstone. Naturally, Danielle blames everything on Kim G…except for Danny calling Christopher a f*****that was editing’s fault. Good thing, Teresa is there to egg Andy Cohen on, asking if he was offended. We get off topic and everyone claims that Danielle stalks them. She probably does. Despite claiming that she has better things to do with her time, we all know she doesn’t.
Jacqueline has really found her voice this reunion and continues to berate Danielle for doing drugs and sleeping with married men. I feel proud of her because she usually keeps her mouth shut in front of people. Danielle storms off stage and makes lesbian comments to be sure the camera stays on her. Once again, Andy Cohen has to give a lesson on how to stay seated and Danielle finally returns.
We finally get to my favorite topic, Dina! Delusional Danielle is convinced that she is not the reason that Dina left the show. She is. And that’s the end of it. What? No more talk about Dina?! Well, I guess we had to get to Ashley at some point.
Danielle pretends that she did not confront Ashley on Facebook. She also doesn’t remember when she tweeted that she hoped someone’s birthday wish of Ashley killing herself came true. That’s appropriate. In the end Danielle sort of apologizes (?) and we move on to the hair pull heard round the world. Luckily, for those who do not understand extensions, Danielle has brought a hair model. Caroline can hardly contain herself.
Kim G’s time has finally come! And girlfriend had some work done for sure. Caroline temporarily takes over Andy’s job (he is probably mixing up a stiff drink) and grills Kim G, who answers (almost) every question to Caroline’s liking, but she’s still not having lunch with her. Onto Teresa, who has it out for Kim G. We find out this is because of something Kim G tweeted about Teresa having no money. And just like that, her time is over.
Time for the matriarch to matriarch meeting! I’m kind of bored and wish that Teresa would assault Andy Cohen again to liven things up. This whole recap could be “topic is brought up, Danielle denies any responsibility, everyone gets mad, Andy changes subject.” Until…wait a minute? Are Danielle and Jacqueline making up? Jacqueline sure has changed her tune…but I guess Danielle has too. Tears and apologies. Boring.
HUGS? WTF IS HAPPENING? I guess Andy Cohen wasn’t kidding when he said the ending would shock us. Thankfully Caroline doesn’t give in and only shakes hands, then calls Danielle on her BS. Well, they didn’t announce Danielle’s dismissal from the show as I predicted. Bummer again.
We jump right back into it, bringing up the night at the Brownstone. Naturally, Danielle blames everything on Kim G…except for Danny calling Christopher a f*****that was editing’s fault. Good thing, Teresa is there to egg Andy Cohen on, asking if he was offended. We get off topic and everyone claims that Danielle stalks them. She probably does. Despite claiming that she has better things to do with her time, we all know she doesn’t.
Jacqueline has really found her voice this reunion and continues to berate Danielle for doing drugs and sleeping with married men. I feel proud of her because she usually keeps her mouth shut in front of people. Danielle storms off stage and makes lesbian comments to be sure the camera stays on her. Once again, Andy Cohen has to give a lesson on how to stay seated and Danielle finally returns.
We finally get to my favorite topic, Dina! Delusional Danielle is convinced that she is not the reason that Dina left the show. She is. And that’s the end of it. What? No more talk about Dina?! Well, I guess we had to get to Ashley at some point.
Danielle pretends that she did not confront Ashley on Facebook. She also doesn’t remember when she tweeted that she hoped someone’s birthday wish of Ashley killing herself came true. That’s appropriate. In the end Danielle sort of apologizes (?) and we move on to the hair pull heard round the world. Luckily, for those who do not understand extensions, Danielle has brought a hair model. Caroline can hardly contain herself.
Kim G’s time has finally come! And girlfriend had some work done for sure. Caroline temporarily takes over Andy’s job (he is probably mixing up a stiff drink) and grills Kim G, who answers (almost) every question to Caroline’s liking, but she’s still not having lunch with her. Onto Teresa, who has it out for Kim G. We find out this is because of something Kim G tweeted about Teresa having no money. And just like that, her time is over.
Time for the matriarch to matriarch meeting! I’m kind of bored and wish that Teresa would assault Andy Cohen again to liven things up. This whole recap could be “topic is brought up, Danielle denies any responsibility, everyone gets mad, Andy changes subject.” Until…wait a minute? Are Danielle and Jacqueline making up? Jacqueline sure has changed her tune…but I guess Danielle has too. Tears and apologies. Boring.
HUGS? WTF IS HAPPENING? I guess Andy Cohen wasn’t kidding when he said the ending would shock us. Thankfully Caroline doesn’t give in and only shakes hands, then calls Danielle on her BS. Well, they didn’t announce Danielle’s dismissal from the show as I predicted. Bummer again.
9.6 Bach Pad: Natalie's Kind Of Smart?
Following last week’s rose ceremony, no one is too concerned that Krisily left, especially since she threw a fit. Perhaps Dave shouldn’t have assured her that she wasn’t on the chopping block, but what’s done is done and she would have gone home eventually.
Gwen gets some screen time, which is a sure sign that she is leaving soon. Chris Harrison gathers everyone in the living room because it is time to even the numbers out! Three ladies are goin’ home ya’ll (bye Gwen.) Everyone freaks out and over-dramatizes. Shut up girls and start packing!
Everyone gathers in the back yard for a game of…spin the bottle? Wait, didn’t they already have a kissing contest? Really? I digress, Chris tells the group that the men have the power…as in each man gets to pick a one woman to stay because they will now compete as a couple…so we all know what is going to happen. Poor Gwen, Nikki and Ashley…they don’t stand a chance. This was not very fair, but such is the life in the bachelor pad. Also, working in spin the bottle was completely unnecessary. As we all would expect, Kiptyn picks Tenley (although Nikki was sure he would pick her?), Kovacs picks Elizabeth (despite the fact that she has a screw loose), Jesse picks Peyton and Dave picks Natalie. The other three have to leave immediately.
All the couples are so excited because they get to show PDA! Although, Dave doesn’t seem as excited because he’s realized Natalie has no real skills. Meanwhile, Elizabeth and Kovacs practice for a challenge that they probably won’t have to compete in. Despite claiming to know everything, and taking “vitamins” to help her memory, Elizabeth can’t remember shit. Lucky for her, Jesse B has the mental capacity of a kindergartner.
As it turns out, everyone was wrong and the first couples’s competition is a water balloon toss. Good thing Melissa Rycroft is there to explain it for those who don’t understand. “You guys are going to play catch…with water balloons.” Peyton and Jesse are the first eliminated and Peyton, normally the most rational in the house, cries over it. Kiptyn and Tenley are out next followed by Kovacs and Elizabeth, proving my theory that Natalie has no skills wrong…as it appears she can throw and catch a water balloon.
After the competition, Peyton continues to have her mental breakdown. Pull it together! You are the best girl left! Natalie and Tenley strategize over a little lunch. Tenley points out that Elizabeth and Kovacs will pose a bigger threat if the challenges get “more relational”, so maybe they should keep Peyton and Jesse around! Unfortunately, Natalie goes into her interview and states “Jesse B and Peyton are safe through this rose ceremony” which means they are most likely going home. Bummer.
Dave and Natalie’s date cards arrives, which has Tenley convinced they are going on a rocket ship. They do however ge to drive a Lamborghini, so I guess that’s close? Although the Lamborghini most likely has crabs now after Elizabeth and Kovacs dry hump session on top of it. Dave drives the car fast and Natalie giggles. This is the entire first half of their date. The second half consists of sexy time. Oh, also they talk about what they would do with the money. Dave would start a company and Natalie would pay off her student loans and send her parents on a trip around the world. Impressive Natalie, not at all what I expected. Also, Dave talks about his parents divorce and cries. Hmm, these two are deeper than I give them credit for.
Back at the house everyone else is having sexy time as well. Well, Kiptyn and Tenley’s is pretty PG and Peyton and Jesse are just lying in bed together, but whatever. Elizabeth and Kovacs decide to be “sneaky and rebellious” and “sneak into the fantasy suite.” She needs some vocabulary lessons. She should also be more concerned about the fact that they are on the chopping block this week. Once sexy time is over, Elizabeth goes into full blown crazy girl mode and chastises Kovacs for not putting forth any effort.
Natalie and Dave (wearing an unfortunate pair of jeans) return home from their date and immediately climb into bed with Kovacs and Elizabeth. Dave goes on and on about his relationship with Dave, which sounds more romantic than either of their relationships with their respective women.
As they normally do on rose ceremony days, everyone runs around like crazy people. Natalie gives Peyton some good tips on how to keep her and Jesse in the house, and I continue to be blown away by Natalie’s brain power this episode. For once, I honestly don’t know which couple is going home tonight. There is a lot of talk about Kovacs and Elizabeth going home and a lot of talk about Jesse and Peyton going home. It’s hard to tell which couple is getting the “losers edit.” Especially since Chris Harrision informs the group that they will be voting as individuals. Hmm.
Jesse B, like Natalie, proves he is smarter than we give him credit for, when he makes the point that Kiptyn will be the next to go, as Dave and Kovacs won’t vote for each other. Even if Kiptyn votes for Jesse and Peyton, it would be a tie. How would they break a tie with couples? Hmm, I have a feeling we might find out once Kiptyn starts talking about loyalty.
Rose ceremony time! I hope they are paying Melissa Rycroft the big bucks because that girl works hard. Kiptyn and Tenley are called first, obviously…so who’s it going to be? Not Peyton and Jesse. Boo. The only person I legitimately liked in the house is gone. However, they wouldn’t have won anyway, so oh well. And as it turns out, Natalie didn’t follow through on what she said, so her vote is what swung it in Elizabeth and Kovacs favor.
Next week is the finale! Yippee!! Ball room dancing! Dave in sparkles! Tenley’s dream come true! The entire cast returns! And someone wins $250,000!
Gwen gets some screen time, which is a sure sign that she is leaving soon. Chris Harrison gathers everyone in the living room because it is time to even the numbers out! Three ladies are goin’ home ya’ll (bye Gwen.) Everyone freaks out and over-dramatizes. Shut up girls and start packing!
Everyone gathers in the back yard for a game of…spin the bottle? Wait, didn’t they already have a kissing contest? Really? I digress, Chris tells the group that the men have the power…as in each man gets to pick a one woman to stay because they will now compete as a couple…so we all know what is going to happen. Poor Gwen, Nikki and Ashley…they don’t stand a chance. This was not very fair, but such is the life in the bachelor pad. Also, working in spin the bottle was completely unnecessary. As we all would expect, Kiptyn picks Tenley (although Nikki was sure he would pick her?), Kovacs picks Elizabeth (despite the fact that she has a screw loose), Jesse picks Peyton and Dave picks Natalie. The other three have to leave immediately.
All the couples are so excited because they get to show PDA! Although, Dave doesn’t seem as excited because he’s realized Natalie has no real skills. Meanwhile, Elizabeth and Kovacs practice for a challenge that they probably won’t have to compete in. Despite claiming to know everything, and taking “vitamins” to help her memory, Elizabeth can’t remember shit. Lucky for her, Jesse B has the mental capacity of a kindergartner.
As it turns out, everyone was wrong and the first couples’s competition is a water balloon toss. Good thing Melissa Rycroft is there to explain it for those who don’t understand. “You guys are going to play catch…with water balloons.” Peyton and Jesse are the first eliminated and Peyton, normally the most rational in the house, cries over it. Kiptyn and Tenley are out next followed by Kovacs and Elizabeth, proving my theory that Natalie has no skills wrong…as it appears she can throw and catch a water balloon.
After the competition, Peyton continues to have her mental breakdown. Pull it together! You are the best girl left! Natalie and Tenley strategize over a little lunch. Tenley points out that Elizabeth and Kovacs will pose a bigger threat if the challenges get “more relational”, so maybe they should keep Peyton and Jesse around! Unfortunately, Natalie goes into her interview and states “Jesse B and Peyton are safe through this rose ceremony” which means they are most likely going home. Bummer.
Dave and Natalie’s date cards arrives, which has Tenley convinced they are going on a rocket ship. They do however ge to drive a Lamborghini, so I guess that’s close? Although the Lamborghini most likely has crabs now after Elizabeth and Kovacs dry hump session on top of it. Dave drives the car fast and Natalie giggles. This is the entire first half of their date. The second half consists of sexy time. Oh, also they talk about what they would do with the money. Dave would start a company and Natalie would pay off her student loans and send her parents on a trip around the world. Impressive Natalie, not at all what I expected. Also, Dave talks about his parents divorce and cries. Hmm, these two are deeper than I give them credit for.
Back at the house everyone else is having sexy time as well. Well, Kiptyn and Tenley’s is pretty PG and Peyton and Jesse are just lying in bed together, but whatever. Elizabeth and Kovacs decide to be “sneaky and rebellious” and “sneak into the fantasy suite.” She needs some vocabulary lessons. She should also be more concerned about the fact that they are on the chopping block this week. Once sexy time is over, Elizabeth goes into full blown crazy girl mode and chastises Kovacs for not putting forth any effort.
Natalie and Dave (wearing an unfortunate pair of jeans) return home from their date and immediately climb into bed with Kovacs and Elizabeth. Dave goes on and on about his relationship with Dave, which sounds more romantic than either of their relationships with their respective women.
As they normally do on rose ceremony days, everyone runs around like crazy people. Natalie gives Peyton some good tips on how to keep her and Jesse in the house, and I continue to be blown away by Natalie’s brain power this episode. For once, I honestly don’t know which couple is going home tonight. There is a lot of talk about Kovacs and Elizabeth going home and a lot of talk about Jesse and Peyton going home. It’s hard to tell which couple is getting the “losers edit.” Especially since Chris Harrision informs the group that they will be voting as individuals. Hmm.
Jesse B, like Natalie, proves he is smarter than we give him credit for, when he makes the point that Kiptyn will be the next to go, as Dave and Kovacs won’t vote for each other. Even if Kiptyn votes for Jesse and Peyton, it would be a tie. How would they break a tie with couples? Hmm, I have a feeling we might find out once Kiptyn starts talking about loyalty.
Rose ceremony time! I hope they are paying Melissa Rycroft the big bucks because that girl works hard. Kiptyn and Tenley are called first, obviously…so who’s it going to be? Not Peyton and Jesse. Boo. The only person I legitimately liked in the house is gone. However, they wouldn’t have won anyway, so oh well. And as it turns out, Natalie didn’t follow through on what she said, so her vote is what swung it in Elizabeth and Kovacs favor.
Next week is the finale! Yippee!! Ball room dancing! Dave in sparkles! Tenley’s dream come true! The entire cast returns! And someone wins $250,000!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
9.2 Jersey Shore: If You Even Have To Think About It...
Well, we’ve officially reached the THIRD episode that deals with “the note.” Do you know what better things they could have done in all this time? ANYTHING INVOLVING PAULY D. Seriously, where has he been?
Anyway, Snooki gets drunks “drinks cigarettes” then goes creeping in the house. She pretends like she is trying to figure out whose bed is the most comfy, but you aren’t fooling us Snooki. We know you want to smush Vinny (again?) Good for you Snooks. Then, being the good friend she is, talks about the size of his thing on national TV.
The girls go to the beach, but Sammi stays home, as she needs to spend more time in her bed. J-Woww and Snooki continue to live in their little fantasy world where they actually believe no one will know they wrote the note. Next, they threaten Angelina, then J-Woww for some reason starts talking about how Sammi sucks. Yes, she is stupid for staying with him, but why is J-Woww so heated about this?
Back at the house, Sammi finally emerges from her bed to talk to the Situation, who (per usual) makes a brilliant point. Ronnie is 100% wrong, but Sammi doesn’t see that, so he will continue to get away with everything. Oh Situation, you are so wise, I can’t wait to cheer for you on Dancing with the Stars. Sammi cries and says “I’m done wit it” for the umpteenth time. Anyone believe her? Then, she gets back in her bed.
That night, the girls are talking outside, where Snooki is starting to feel guilty about the note. Snooks wants to tell her, but the others don’t want to. Angelina shouts a lot. Ugh. Situation goes outside and overhears the girls talking. For some reason, he decides to go inside and tell Sammi that the girls are talking shit about her. Oh Situation, I had such high hopes for you, but now you are being an instigator. The girls try to get Sammi to come outside, but she refuses. This enrages J-Woww who comes inside to scream Sammi. Um, ladies, fighting amongst yourselves is unnecessary. Ronnie, however, is loving this because it is taking some of the heat off him. He takes it upon himself to call Snooki and J-Woww bad friends because they didn’t tell Sammi about his indiscretions as soon as they happened.
The next day we finally get some Vinny and Pauly D time. Unfortunately, it’s just a trip to the eye doctor. But really, Pauly can make anything entertaining, as he proves with quotes like “your eyebrows are so bushy that they collect more bacteria” and “he has a history of pink eye.” Scene stealer!
The Situation comes back in full force that night. We’ve all missed his shenanigans and luckily, tonight’s are especially hilarious. After getting the girl home and into the “smush room”, he leaves her alone in there so he can make himself a 3 course meal. (Don’t worry, he asked her if she was hungry as well.) When the smushing is over, he leaves her alone in the room to go out and try and concoct a plan to get rid of her, which he does so, successfully.
The next morning brings the dreaded day the girls have to follow up on their promise of cooking for the boys. Luckily, this brings an opportunity for Snooki to gain some life skills, for example, learning what a quart is. J-Woww continues to be angry while Sammi continues to be lazy, a dangerous combo. Also, Snooki seats the counter on fire. In the end, the girls cook a great meal that everyone enjoys, besides Debbie Downer Sammi, who chews on some lettuce in the corner.
Okay, the whole scene with Angelina and Sammi at work bothers me. First, Sammi kisses Ronnie when he drops them off. WHAT? I thought you were “done wit it.” Second of all, Sammi pretends that she really likes Angelina, but really, she has no other options for friends in the house. Then, Angelina reveals who wrote the note, knowing that it would create chaos. Ugh.
Anyway, back on the entertaining front, Situation’s sister is in town, which means good things for Vinny! Luckily he has his bling, which is obviously what lures her in. Meanwhile, the Situation finds a tranny. Besides the fact that she is a man, why would he talk to a girl with crimped hair and that outfit? Poor judgment all around. Thankfully, Pauly chose this night to get absolutely obliterated, so he finally gets some screen time. Why does he ruin this by spending some of this time making out with Angelina? Ugh. But, as Vinny brilliantly points out, Pauly is so drunk he would hook up with him, so we’ll forgive him this time.
Not everyone finds Pauly’s drunkenness as entertaining as I do, as Angelina decides to turn it into an opportunity to talk about J-Woww. As we all witnessed, J-Woww simply called her boyfriend to tell him she was home safely. She mentioned something about Pauly throwing up. I didn’t know that was considered talking shit, but to Angelina it is. Vinny calls her out and immediately tells J-Woww…which probably wasn’t the best idea, as her anger issues have really played out this episode. J-Woww uses this as an excuse to take out all her pent up frustration toward Sam out and knocks a bitch down. Can’t wait for next week!
Anyway, Snooki gets drunks “drinks cigarettes” then goes creeping in the house. She pretends like she is trying to figure out whose bed is the most comfy, but you aren’t fooling us Snooki. We know you want to smush Vinny (again?) Good for you Snooks. Then, being the good friend she is, talks about the size of his thing on national TV.
The girls go to the beach, but Sammi stays home, as she needs to spend more time in her bed. J-Woww and Snooki continue to live in their little fantasy world where they actually believe no one will know they wrote the note. Next, they threaten Angelina, then J-Woww for some reason starts talking about how Sammi sucks. Yes, she is stupid for staying with him, but why is J-Woww so heated about this?
Back at the house, Sammi finally emerges from her bed to talk to the Situation, who (per usual) makes a brilliant point. Ronnie is 100% wrong, but Sammi doesn’t see that, so he will continue to get away with everything. Oh Situation, you are so wise, I can’t wait to cheer for you on Dancing with the Stars. Sammi cries and says “I’m done wit it” for the umpteenth time. Anyone believe her? Then, she gets back in her bed.
That night, the girls are talking outside, where Snooki is starting to feel guilty about the note. Snooks wants to tell her, but the others don’t want to. Angelina shouts a lot. Ugh. Situation goes outside and overhears the girls talking. For some reason, he decides to go inside and tell Sammi that the girls are talking shit about her. Oh Situation, I had such high hopes for you, but now you are being an instigator. The girls try to get Sammi to come outside, but she refuses. This enrages J-Woww who comes inside to scream Sammi. Um, ladies, fighting amongst yourselves is unnecessary. Ronnie, however, is loving this because it is taking some of the heat off him. He takes it upon himself to call Snooki and J-Woww bad friends because they didn’t tell Sammi about his indiscretions as soon as they happened.
The next day we finally get some Vinny and Pauly D time. Unfortunately, it’s just a trip to the eye doctor. But really, Pauly can make anything entertaining, as he proves with quotes like “your eyebrows are so bushy that they collect more bacteria” and “he has a history of pink eye.” Scene stealer!
The Situation comes back in full force that night. We’ve all missed his shenanigans and luckily, tonight’s are especially hilarious. After getting the girl home and into the “smush room”, he leaves her alone in there so he can make himself a 3 course meal. (Don’t worry, he asked her if she was hungry as well.) When the smushing is over, he leaves her alone in the room to go out and try and concoct a plan to get rid of her, which he does so, successfully.
The next morning brings the dreaded day the girls have to follow up on their promise of cooking for the boys. Luckily, this brings an opportunity for Snooki to gain some life skills, for example, learning what a quart is. J-Woww continues to be angry while Sammi continues to be lazy, a dangerous combo. Also, Snooki seats the counter on fire. In the end, the girls cook a great meal that everyone enjoys, besides Debbie Downer Sammi, who chews on some lettuce in the corner.
Okay, the whole scene with Angelina and Sammi at work bothers me. First, Sammi kisses Ronnie when he drops them off. WHAT? I thought you were “done wit it.” Second of all, Sammi pretends that she really likes Angelina, but really, she has no other options for friends in the house. Then, Angelina reveals who wrote the note, knowing that it would create chaos. Ugh.
Anyway, back on the entertaining front, Situation’s sister is in town, which means good things for Vinny! Luckily he has his bling, which is obviously what lures her in. Meanwhile, the Situation finds a tranny. Besides the fact that she is a man, why would he talk to a girl with crimped hair and that outfit? Poor judgment all around. Thankfully, Pauly chose this night to get absolutely obliterated, so he finally gets some screen time. Why does he ruin this by spending some of this time making out with Angelina? Ugh. But, as Vinny brilliantly points out, Pauly is so drunk he would hook up with him, so we’ll forgive him this time.
Not everyone finds Pauly’s drunkenness as entertaining as I do, as Angelina decides to turn it into an opportunity to talk about J-Woww. As we all witnessed, J-Woww simply called her boyfriend to tell him she was home safely. She mentioned something about Pauly throwing up. I didn’t know that was considered talking shit, but to Angelina it is. Vinny calls her out and immediately tells J-Woww…which probably wasn’t the best idea, as her anger issues have really played out this episode. J-Woww uses this as an excuse to take out all her pent up frustration toward Sam out and knocks a bitch down. Can’t wait for next week!
Monday, August 30, 2010
RHONJ Reunion Part 1: Best. Episode. Ever.
Tonight! The most dramatic housewives reunion of all time! Oh My God this is already amazing.
First of all, how did they get Caroline and Danielle to sit on the same couch? Did they call it the matriarch couch? For some reason, the first topic of conversation is Jersey Shore. Don’t diss Snooki, ladies. Teresa does a good job of bringing it back, as she points out that Danielle is a major sliggity, just like those Jersey Shore kids!
Next, we get a montage of all the idiotic things that have come out of these women’s (or woman’s if your Danielle) mouths.
We go back to the wonderful day when cutestbabyever was born. Also, when Teresa’s 4th mini me was born (and Dina!!) Of course, this moment is ruined, as we have to go back to Danielle and ask why she never called Jacqueline after her baby was born. Because Danielle sucks, that is why (which is the answer to most questions involving this show.)
We finally get the answer to the question asked on last year’s reunion, what exactly did Danielle do to Dina? Well…she tried to have her daughter taken away from her! Even crazier than I thought! I am so proud of Jacqueline as she finally sticks up for herself and tells Danielle what it is. Danielle apparently can no longer afford a stylish and Andy Cohen gets beat up by Teresa. We aren’t even 15 minutes in!
We get footage of Caroline and Teresa back stage while Teresa continues to freak out. Meanwhile, no one cares about Danielle. Andy Cohen can’t even fake it. Oh wait, her lesbian lover has shown up! All is well in looneyville. I also love that Andy Cohen laughs off Teresa body slamming him. What a trooper. I’m sure he’s wasted.
Anyway, we bring up another topic that can only lead to a vote, the fact that Danielle lied to everyone saying that she took her to all her fertility appointments. She didn’t!
Andy tries, yet again, to steer the focus away from Danielle and onto…the ham game. Is Albie going to show up on this reunion? I hope so. Caroline cries again and reveals the best news of the night…he gave up his girlfriend to study! However, we have to touch on the fact that Caroline shaves her face again, so my joy was short lived.
Let’s take a moment to adore the people who write questions into this reunion. Mainly, the one who asked if Danielle is living through her children, as Christine is a model and Danielle never was, and Jillian is a singer and Danielle never was. Brilliant.
It needs to be asked at this point…did Teresa pop a Xanax? She zones out while Danielle is talking about Gia’s modeling career and hardly raises her voice when it’s pointed out that Danielle essentially related her kids to dogs. Then we find out that Danielle’s kids are made fun of at school and that makes me feel sad for them.
Clearly, someone in Bravo production hates Teresa, as our next montage is of all the ways Teresa wasted her money this season. Afterward, Teresa continues to insist that her house is not in foreclosure. Andy Cohen rattles off a list of Teresa’s debts, which leads me to believe that he is the member of the Bravo production team mentioned earlier. Danielle can hardly sit still! She has been quiet for too long, so Andy asks her opinion on Joe’s car accident. We can all guess what her answer was here.
We finally get to the segment focused on Danielle. As we all figured, she and Danny were definitely getting it on, despite the fact that he had a wife! Also, despite the fact that she is a “born again virgin.” Oh, and a lesbian with LESBIAN SUPERSTAR Lori Michaels. Next, we talk about Danielle’s sex tapes. Let’s take a minute to discuss celebrity sex tapes. A sex tape CANNOT be released without consent of BOTH parties. Then, BOTH parties receive royalties. Otherwise, the party releasing the sex tape can be SUED. Okay? Okay. Also, I now retract my previous comment about Teresa taking a Xanax.
Luckily, tonight’s event is supersized so we get to talk about Danielle crashing the cancer baby party. Remember? The one where she didn’t donate any money after bringing in uninvited guests? Yeah.
Next week: Kim G arrives and Danielle gets fired! (I assume)
First of all, how did they get Caroline and Danielle to sit on the same couch? Did they call it the matriarch couch? For some reason, the first topic of conversation is Jersey Shore. Don’t diss Snooki, ladies. Teresa does a good job of bringing it back, as she points out that Danielle is a major sliggity, just like those Jersey Shore kids!
Next, we get a montage of all the idiotic things that have come out of these women’s (or woman’s if your Danielle) mouths.
We go back to the wonderful day when cutestbabyever was born. Also, when Teresa’s 4th mini me was born (and Dina!!) Of course, this moment is ruined, as we have to go back to Danielle and ask why she never called Jacqueline after her baby was born. Because Danielle sucks, that is why (which is the answer to most questions involving this show.)
We finally get the answer to the question asked on last year’s reunion, what exactly did Danielle do to Dina? Well…she tried to have her daughter taken away from her! Even crazier than I thought! I am so proud of Jacqueline as she finally sticks up for herself and tells Danielle what it is. Danielle apparently can no longer afford a stylish and Andy Cohen gets beat up by Teresa. We aren’t even 15 minutes in!
We get footage of Caroline and Teresa back stage while Teresa continues to freak out. Meanwhile, no one cares about Danielle. Andy Cohen can’t even fake it. Oh wait, her lesbian lover has shown up! All is well in looneyville. I also love that Andy Cohen laughs off Teresa body slamming him. What a trooper. I’m sure he’s wasted.
Anyway, we bring up another topic that can only lead to a vote, the fact that Danielle lied to everyone saying that she took her to all her fertility appointments. She didn’t!
Andy tries, yet again, to steer the focus away from Danielle and onto…the ham game. Is Albie going to show up on this reunion? I hope so. Caroline cries again and reveals the best news of the night…he gave up his girlfriend to study! However, we have to touch on the fact that Caroline shaves her face again, so my joy was short lived.
Let’s take a moment to adore the people who write questions into this reunion. Mainly, the one who asked if Danielle is living through her children, as Christine is a model and Danielle never was, and Jillian is a singer and Danielle never was. Brilliant.
It needs to be asked at this point…did Teresa pop a Xanax? She zones out while Danielle is talking about Gia’s modeling career and hardly raises her voice when it’s pointed out that Danielle essentially related her kids to dogs. Then we find out that Danielle’s kids are made fun of at school and that makes me feel sad for them.
Clearly, someone in Bravo production hates Teresa, as our next montage is of all the ways Teresa wasted her money this season. Afterward, Teresa continues to insist that her house is not in foreclosure. Andy Cohen rattles off a list of Teresa’s debts, which leads me to believe that he is the member of the Bravo production team mentioned earlier. Danielle can hardly sit still! She has been quiet for too long, so Andy asks her opinion on Joe’s car accident. We can all guess what her answer was here.
We finally get to the segment focused on Danielle. As we all figured, she and Danny were definitely getting it on, despite the fact that he had a wife! Also, despite the fact that she is a “born again virgin.” Oh, and a lesbian with LESBIAN SUPERSTAR Lori Michaels. Next, we talk about Danielle’s sex tapes. Let’s take a minute to discuss celebrity sex tapes. A sex tape CANNOT be released without consent of BOTH parties. Then, BOTH parties receive royalties. Otherwise, the party releasing the sex tape can be SUED. Okay? Okay. Also, I now retract my previous comment about Teresa taking a Xanax.
Luckily, tonight’s event is supersized so we get to talk about Danielle crashing the cancer baby party. Remember? The one where she didn’t donate any money after bringing in uninvited guests? Yeah.
Next week: Kim G arrives and Danielle gets fired! (I assume)
8.30 Bach Pad: Always the Bridesmaid...Never the Rose Recepient
We pick up immediately following the departure of Gia (and Weatherman, but nobody cares). Wes is fuming that his friends sent home his pretend girlfriend, while Dave is mad that Wes forced him to vote Gia out…to her face. These people really need to spend some time outside of this house. Or what? Anyway, Natalie brilliantly points out that this game isn’t about who can eat the most pie, it’s about building relationships. Wes is most likely going home this week.
The door bell rings and out bachelor/ettes have to anonymously fill out a survey judging their fellow contestants! Brilliant! This spells train wreck and that is what this show really needs right now. The next morning Melissa gathers everyone in the back yard. (We also get our first use of “chopping block” this episode. Thanks Kovacs!) Anyway, the challenge is to guess how the majority of the house voted on the “anonymous” survey.
First question: Who do most of you believe is going to win? Answer: Kiptyn, and a lot of people guessed this correct.
Q: Who is your biggest enemy? Majority answer: Krisily. Gosh, what a bitch. Such a bitch, that she doesn’t seem to care.
Q: Who is the most shallow? (Um, wouldn’t that be shallowest?) Answer: Elizabeth, which was a no brainer.
Q: Who is the dumbest? (Again, really? Dumbest? They couldn’t have come up with a better way to say it?) Answer: Gwen…what? Does she even talk to the other people? Was no one listening when Elizabeth said she didn’t know what shallow meant? Don’t they all have to spend extended periods with Natalie? Tenley has gone 4 for 4, so she wins the rose for the women.
Q: Who do you secretly have a crush on? Answer: Dave (even Dave knew that).
Q: Who will be a bridesmaid, but never a bride? Answer: Natalie. Uh oh. Does this mean Dave doesn’t want to marry her?
Q: Who is considered to be the biggest jerk by the group? Answer: Wes…probably because he threw a hissy fit last night right before they filled out these surveys.
Q: Who has the worst boob job? Answer: This was obviously going to be Elizabeth, but Kovacs can’t vote for her, or else he won’t get any tonight! Yay Jesse B!
Tenley and Jesse each get to take one person on a date. Elizabeth cries about her bad boob job (and uses “chopping block” twice.) There is too much talk about Kovacs going home tonight, which makes it very obviously that Kovacs will NOT be going home tonight.
After the challenge, the girls all join Elizabeth in her sob fest. Natalie wants to be a bride so bad! Stupid Gwen comforts her in the shower. Dave, however, does not. Jesse Kovacs talks a lot about feelings in his interview segment. Ah, this is the bachelor we know and love.
Tenley’s date card comes and we all know who she is going to take on her date. It took awhile, but we finally get to our first helicopter date on Bachelor Pad. Weirdly, Kiptyn has never been on a helicopter ride before which blows my mind. Wasn’t he the runner up on his season? Doesn’t everyone go on a helicopter while on the Bachelor/ette? Next, another Bachelor favorite, zip lining! The next 10 minutes plays out like the Disney movie that is always playing in Tenley’s head. Love and feelings and kisses! Oh, and a rose. Now the real question, will they stay in the fantasy suite? Yes they will (in the most PG fantasy suite this show has ever seen, I’m sure.)
Jesse B’s date card come and he picks Peyton because she is his flavor of the day (seriously, I’m pretty sure he has gone through a phase of wanting each girl in the house, am I right?) Whatever, he’s hot. Also, Kovacs continues his quest to be cast as the next Bachelor now that Chris L has turned down the job. Love and feelings and kisses!
The next day Jesse B and Peyton set out on their romantic adventure. Not surprisingly, they go flying. Surprisingly, it’s not in a helicopter. What we learn on this date: Peyton loves corn dogs and Jesse thinks that makes a good wife. And they are both awesome. He also gives her the rose early in the evening so she doesn’t have to worry, aww, young love. Next, they decide to get wasted. Bad idea, as Jesse is a sloppy drunk. Not romantic. For the second week in a row Jesse and Peyton get the short end of the stick on the fantasy suite. They only get to stay in a room upstairs? Not in Catalina? Or Vegas. Lame.
Want to know what is going on back at the house? Krisily thinks she is on the chopping block. She also tries to get on Dave again. Unsuccessfully. Peyton and Jesse B come back from their date and sit on opposite sides of the couch. Oh no!
The next day everyone is sitting around the pool strategizing, as some of them are on the chopping block. It is going to be interesting to see how this voting comes out because we all know the girls are going to send Wes home, even though they claim they are voting for Kovacs, who feels like he is for sure on the chopping block. Sorry Wes, you’re going home. Chris Harrison, however, doesn’t agree and tells them they are all on the chopping block. Sometimes Nikki looks like Melissa Rycroft. I wonder if that every confused Jason.
The men in couples decide they are going to vote for Gwen because nobody knows her. This is too obvious, so I’m pretty sure she is not going home. However, Dave jumps the gun and tells Krisily they are going to vote for Gwen, which makes her jump for joy that she is not on the chopping block. Dave takes advantage of Krisily’s desire to bang him and convinces her to vote for Wes.
Not surprisingly, it comes down to Krisily and Gwen for the women, and Kovacs and Wes for the men. Gwen and Kovacs are safe. What? Dave used Krisily? How dare he! (Also, it should be noted that Dave got one more “chopping block” in.)
Next week: lots of making out in the hot tub! 3 girls leave at once! Madness.
The door bell rings and out bachelor/ettes have to anonymously fill out a survey judging their fellow contestants! Brilliant! This spells train wreck and that is what this show really needs right now. The next morning Melissa gathers everyone in the back yard. (We also get our first use of “chopping block” this episode. Thanks Kovacs!) Anyway, the challenge is to guess how the majority of the house voted on the “anonymous” survey.
First question: Who do most of you believe is going to win? Answer: Kiptyn, and a lot of people guessed this correct.
Q: Who is your biggest enemy? Majority answer: Krisily. Gosh, what a bitch. Such a bitch, that she doesn’t seem to care.
Q: Who is the most shallow? (Um, wouldn’t that be shallowest?) Answer: Elizabeth, which was a no brainer.
Q: Who is the dumbest? (Again, really? Dumbest? They couldn’t have come up with a better way to say it?) Answer: Gwen…what? Does she even talk to the other people? Was no one listening when Elizabeth said she didn’t know what shallow meant? Don’t they all have to spend extended periods with Natalie? Tenley has gone 4 for 4, so she wins the rose for the women.
Q: Who do you secretly have a crush on? Answer: Dave (even Dave knew that).
Q: Who will be a bridesmaid, but never a bride? Answer: Natalie. Uh oh. Does this mean Dave doesn’t want to marry her?
Q: Who is considered to be the biggest jerk by the group? Answer: Wes…probably because he threw a hissy fit last night right before they filled out these surveys.
Q: Who has the worst boob job? Answer: This was obviously going to be Elizabeth, but Kovacs can’t vote for her, or else he won’t get any tonight! Yay Jesse B!
Tenley and Jesse each get to take one person on a date. Elizabeth cries about her bad boob job (and uses “chopping block” twice.) There is too much talk about Kovacs going home tonight, which makes it very obviously that Kovacs will NOT be going home tonight.
After the challenge, the girls all join Elizabeth in her sob fest. Natalie wants to be a bride so bad! Stupid Gwen comforts her in the shower. Dave, however, does not. Jesse Kovacs talks a lot about feelings in his interview segment. Ah, this is the bachelor we know and love.
Tenley’s date card comes and we all know who she is going to take on her date. It took awhile, but we finally get to our first helicopter date on Bachelor Pad. Weirdly, Kiptyn has never been on a helicopter ride before which blows my mind. Wasn’t he the runner up on his season? Doesn’t everyone go on a helicopter while on the Bachelor/ette? Next, another Bachelor favorite, zip lining! The next 10 minutes plays out like the Disney movie that is always playing in Tenley’s head. Love and feelings and kisses! Oh, and a rose. Now the real question, will they stay in the fantasy suite? Yes they will (in the most PG fantasy suite this show has ever seen, I’m sure.)
Jesse B’s date card come and he picks Peyton because she is his flavor of the day (seriously, I’m pretty sure he has gone through a phase of wanting each girl in the house, am I right?) Whatever, he’s hot. Also, Kovacs continues his quest to be cast as the next Bachelor now that Chris L has turned down the job. Love and feelings and kisses!
The next day Jesse B and Peyton set out on their romantic adventure. Not surprisingly, they go flying. Surprisingly, it’s not in a helicopter. What we learn on this date: Peyton loves corn dogs and Jesse thinks that makes a good wife. And they are both awesome. He also gives her the rose early in the evening so she doesn’t have to worry, aww, young love. Next, they decide to get wasted. Bad idea, as Jesse is a sloppy drunk. Not romantic. For the second week in a row Jesse and Peyton get the short end of the stick on the fantasy suite. They only get to stay in a room upstairs? Not in Catalina? Or Vegas. Lame.
Want to know what is going on back at the house? Krisily thinks she is on the chopping block. She also tries to get on Dave again. Unsuccessfully. Peyton and Jesse B come back from their date and sit on opposite sides of the couch. Oh no!
The next day everyone is sitting around the pool strategizing, as some of them are on the chopping block. It is going to be interesting to see how this voting comes out because we all know the girls are going to send Wes home, even though they claim they are voting for Kovacs, who feels like he is for sure on the chopping block. Sorry Wes, you’re going home. Chris Harrison, however, doesn’t agree and tells them they are all on the chopping block. Sometimes Nikki looks like Melissa Rycroft. I wonder if that every confused Jason.
The men in couples decide they are going to vote for Gwen because nobody knows her. This is too obvious, so I’m pretty sure she is not going home. However, Dave jumps the gun and tells Krisily they are going to vote for Gwen, which makes her jump for joy that she is not on the chopping block. Dave takes advantage of Krisily’s desire to bang him and convinces her to vote for Wes.
Not surprisingly, it comes down to Krisily and Gwen for the women, and Kovacs and Wes for the men. Gwen and Kovacs are safe. What? Dave used Krisily? How dare he! (Also, it should be noted that Dave got one more “chopping block” in.)
Next week: lots of making out in the hot tub! 3 girls leave at once! Madness.
DWTS New Season Announced
Bachelor Pad must not have had enough footage to fill the entire two hours tonight we get the new DWTS cast. I’ve never watched this show, but I think I just might this season! Anyway, here’s the list (as if we didn’t already know.)
The women:
Brandy (Ray J was getting too popular)
Jennifer Grey (Wait, doesn’t she have an unfair advantage)
Margaret Cho
Audrina Patridge (she’s got nothing else to do!)
Florence Henderson
Bristol Palin (whose entrance is just as awkward as her attempt at acting)
Wait…no Kirstie Alley? That was my favorite rumor!
The men:
Michael Bolton (How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?)
The Situation ( duh)
The Hoff (reason enough to watch)
Kurt Warner
Kyle Massey (a rapper? What?)
Rick Fox
Hmm, this is interesting. No real dancer types a la Nicole Scherzinger. My money’s on The Sitch.
The women:
Brandy (Ray J was getting too popular)
Jennifer Grey (Wait, doesn’t she have an unfair advantage)
Margaret Cho
Audrina Patridge (she’s got nothing else to do!)
Florence Henderson
Bristol Palin (whose entrance is just as awkward as her attempt at acting)
Wait…no Kirstie Alley? That was my favorite rumor!
The men:
Michael Bolton (How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?)
The Situation ( duh)
The Hoff (reason enough to watch)
Kurt Warner
Kyle Massey (a rapper? What?)
Rick Fox
Hmm, this is interesting. No real dancer types a la Nicole Scherzinger. My money’s on The Sitch.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
8.23 Bach Pad: Somebody's on the Chopping Block
We find our heroes going back into the house after the rose ceremony. Gia is mad that Nikki “ruined everything” and tells the whole room about their failed plan…I don’t really understand that rationale behind this…? Maybe Gia should also have done what she said she was going to do and given Craig the rose…
I’m hoping that one of the producers has a 12 year old child, and that they are the ones who make up these competitions. A kissing contest…really? Weatherman tries to contain his excitement as he realizes he is about to quadruple the number of girls he has kissed in his life!! Gia pretends, for her boyfriend’s sake, that she doesn’t really want to participate. Watching all the saliva exchanged in this contest makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. However, Natalie is excited because she would kiss everyone in the house for 20 bucks! A classy lady, that one. Gia decides to drop out after only kissing…every guy (some twice). Also, I would like to take a moment to discuss the phrase of the week our contestants learned this week. “Chopping block.” Congratulations folks on your ability to repeat this over and over. Anyway, Dave and Peyton are voted the best kissers. Natalie is not happy, she thought her attack mode make out sessions were going to get a rose!
Dave’s date card arrives and they’re going to Vegas! Suddenly, everyone is in love with Dave. First he picks Nikki because she is classy. Gia disagrees. Second he picks Krisily, unfortunately he doesn’t know that she is stalking his life. Finally, he picks Natalie because she is the one more likely to put out. Which proves correct as she wastes no time taking her top off in the pool. Remember last week when she was in love with Jesse? Over it! Now she is in love with Dave!
Peyton’s date card comes and Jesse Beck is talking way too much. Which leads me to believe he will go on this date and get the rose. And perhaps get busy with Peyton? TBD. She picks Kovacs and Kiptyn, much to the dismay of Tenley who can’t believe she is picking guys who are in relationships! How dare she mess up these very serious relationships! Also, as predicted, she picks Jesse B.
Krisily continues her plot to bully Dave into hooking up with her. Dave has to choose one girl to spend the rest of his night with, so naturally he picks Natalie because she was the only one who took her top off. Krisily is heartbroken. Nikki seems to handle it well. Natalie talks about how she is excited to “talk” all night with Dave. Yep, that’s why he kept you here sweetheart! That waiter really fumbled with the fantasy suite card and they decide to use it! (duh) Then the make out…then they immediately get into bed and shut us out. Rude
Dave and Natalie return from their one night in Vegas and they are married! Oh wait, they are just dating, but are keeping it a secret from everyone else. Tenley climbs into Kiptyn’s bed to surprise him! So unlike her. Unfortunately, he disses her Sorry Tenley, he wasn’t in a snuggling mood.
Peyton’s date finally arrives and Jesse B continues to babble on and on about getting the fantasy suite card and taking their relationship into overdrive. Dude, keep it in your pants. They go to a race track, which wouldn’t be my idea of a fun date, but whatever. Payton pretends to be attracted to Kovacs, but despite Jesse B’s lack of smooth moves, I would be willing to put money on it that he ends up in the fantasy suite with her. No matter how polite Kiptyn is (and how much time he spends swearing he’s not dating Tenley), or how much Kovacs charms her (“I knew right away you were a cool chick”), it’s definitely Jesse B (he calls her “awesome”, which is so much better than “cool”). Then they make out and she gives him the rose.
Back at the house the “girlfriends” (aka Elizabeth and Tenley) pretend they are not jealous that their “boyfriends” are out on a date with another woman. Don’t worry ladies, there’s two other guys on that date (and both your men are on their way home without a rose!)
They date-ees arrive home to find the fantasy suite card, which they decide to use! They say it’s going to be really fun and awesome! Let’s be real, it’s going to be fun naked time! (Listen, Peyton seems like the closest thing to wholesome on this show, but Jesse B is pretty hot and this is the bachelor pad…) Downstairs Kovacs is bitching about how Elizabeth is ruining everything for him because he wanted to go to the fantasy suite! Then he stomps his feet, covers his ears and screams “NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR”.
On the other side of the deck Wes and Gia are continuing to push the borders without her technically cheating on her boyfriend. All this talk about Gia not going home confirms to me that Gia will be going home tonight. Should’ve given that rose to Craig M last week, Gia! Wes breaks out the guitar and I push mute. Judging from Gia’s facial expressions and hand motions, she is saying some pretty stupid things. They decide to test the boundaries even more by snuggling.
We find our heroes rising from their slumber and immediately go into full plot-mode. Everyone runs around like crazy people on rose ceremony day. I would not be able to handle this stress. For some reason, Gia decides to pull Kiptyn aside to sway one more vote in her favorite. She is the one who decided to vote him out last week…no matter how much she tries to deny it.
Voting comes and I really have no desire to pay attention because I am 95% sure that Weatherman and Gia are going home, no matter what crazy ideas Wes puts into people’s heads. Anyway, my prediction is correct and the two people who had dates last week are the ones to go this week. Weatherman lasted longer than everyone thought he would, so good for him!
Next week everyone has to answer shallow questions about one another…which looks like it actually may be a episode worth my time! All those dumb girls crying! Fantastic.
I’m hoping that one of the producers has a 12 year old child, and that they are the ones who make up these competitions. A kissing contest…really? Weatherman tries to contain his excitement as he realizes he is about to quadruple the number of girls he has kissed in his life!! Gia pretends, for her boyfriend’s sake, that she doesn’t really want to participate. Watching all the saliva exchanged in this contest makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit. However, Natalie is excited because she would kiss everyone in the house for 20 bucks! A classy lady, that one. Gia decides to drop out after only kissing…every guy (some twice). Also, I would like to take a moment to discuss the phrase of the week our contestants learned this week. “Chopping block.” Congratulations folks on your ability to repeat this over and over. Anyway, Dave and Peyton are voted the best kissers. Natalie is not happy, she thought her attack mode make out sessions were going to get a rose!
Dave’s date card arrives and they’re going to Vegas! Suddenly, everyone is in love with Dave. First he picks Nikki because she is classy. Gia disagrees. Second he picks Krisily, unfortunately he doesn’t know that she is stalking his life. Finally, he picks Natalie because she is the one more likely to put out. Which proves correct as she wastes no time taking her top off in the pool. Remember last week when she was in love with Jesse? Over it! Now she is in love with Dave!
Peyton’s date card comes and Jesse Beck is talking way too much. Which leads me to believe he will go on this date and get the rose. And perhaps get busy with Peyton? TBD. She picks Kovacs and Kiptyn, much to the dismay of Tenley who can’t believe she is picking guys who are in relationships! How dare she mess up these very serious relationships! Also, as predicted, she picks Jesse B.
Krisily continues her plot to bully Dave into hooking up with her. Dave has to choose one girl to spend the rest of his night with, so naturally he picks Natalie because she was the only one who took her top off. Krisily is heartbroken. Nikki seems to handle it well. Natalie talks about how she is excited to “talk” all night with Dave. Yep, that’s why he kept you here sweetheart! That waiter really fumbled with the fantasy suite card and they decide to use it! (duh) Then the make out…then they immediately get into bed and shut us out. Rude
Dave and Natalie return from their one night in Vegas and they are married! Oh wait, they are just dating, but are keeping it a secret from everyone else. Tenley climbs into Kiptyn’s bed to surprise him! So unlike her. Unfortunately, he disses her Sorry Tenley, he wasn’t in a snuggling mood.
Peyton’s date finally arrives and Jesse B continues to babble on and on about getting the fantasy suite card and taking their relationship into overdrive. Dude, keep it in your pants. They go to a race track, which wouldn’t be my idea of a fun date, but whatever. Payton pretends to be attracted to Kovacs, but despite Jesse B’s lack of smooth moves, I would be willing to put money on it that he ends up in the fantasy suite with her. No matter how polite Kiptyn is (and how much time he spends swearing he’s not dating Tenley), or how much Kovacs charms her (“I knew right away you were a cool chick”), it’s definitely Jesse B (he calls her “awesome”, which is so much better than “cool”). Then they make out and she gives him the rose.
Back at the house the “girlfriends” (aka Elizabeth and Tenley) pretend they are not jealous that their “boyfriends” are out on a date with another woman. Don’t worry ladies, there’s two other guys on that date (and both your men are on their way home without a rose!)
They date-ees arrive home to find the fantasy suite card, which they decide to use! They say it’s going to be really fun and awesome! Let’s be real, it’s going to be fun naked time! (Listen, Peyton seems like the closest thing to wholesome on this show, but Jesse B is pretty hot and this is the bachelor pad…) Downstairs Kovacs is bitching about how Elizabeth is ruining everything for him because he wanted to go to the fantasy suite! Then he stomps his feet, covers his ears and screams “NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR”.
On the other side of the deck Wes and Gia are continuing to push the borders without her technically cheating on her boyfriend. All this talk about Gia not going home confirms to me that Gia will be going home tonight. Should’ve given that rose to Craig M last week, Gia! Wes breaks out the guitar and I push mute. Judging from Gia’s facial expressions and hand motions, she is saying some pretty stupid things. They decide to test the boundaries even more by snuggling.
We find our heroes rising from their slumber and immediately go into full plot-mode. Everyone runs around like crazy people on rose ceremony day. I would not be able to handle this stress. For some reason, Gia decides to pull Kiptyn aside to sway one more vote in her favorite. She is the one who decided to vote him out last week…no matter how much she tries to deny it.
Voting comes and I really have no desire to pay attention because I am 95% sure that Weatherman and Gia are going home, no matter what crazy ideas Wes puts into people’s heads. Anyway, my prediction is correct and the two people who had dates last week are the ones to go this week. Weatherman lasted longer than everyone thought he would, so good for him!
Next week everyone has to answer shallow questions about one another…which looks like it actually may be a episode worth my time! All those dumb girls crying! Fantastic.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
8.19 Jersey Shore: The Saga of Ronnie and Sammi (ugh)
We pick up right where we left off last week (and every week) with Ronnie dancing with the nastiest girls (grenades! Landmines!) in whichever club they are in, then getting their numbers.
Snooki dials up her boyfriend, who sucks, and tells her there are half naked girls everywhere around up. Don’t mess with our Snooks like that, you midget! (Yes, I have seen him in person and he is very short.) Anyway, she gets pissed and points out that things like this are the reason the lesbian rate is going up.
Sammi (who of course is in her bed. BECAUSE SHE IS ALWAYS IN HER BED) uncomfortably asks JWoww and Snooki is they think Ronnie is f***ing with her. They stare awkwardly and make it so obvious that they know something…but they still don’t tell her (which will be a theme throughout this entire episode). By 4AM they still aren’t home and Sammi get super pissed. Then Snooki’s boyfriend calls her back and tells her that he cheated on her. He was kidding but he is so terrible and needs to go away. C’mon Snooks, just break up with him. We know you do eventually. The angry girlfriends do what any rational females would do, and break some dishes.
Ronnie makes a smart decision for once and goes to sleep in his own bed. Well, maybe it wasn’t so smart, as Sammi is even more pissed now. Ronnie then claims that he doesn’t think he has started any of these arguments. He’s delusional. Also, he says the reason he didn’t go to college because he hates tests. Yep, I’m sure that’s the reason. Then they have the same fight they have everyday. Meanwhile, Angelina is trying to kiss Snooki’s ass. Shut up Angelina.
The next night we get our first family dinner of the season, which really just makes me hungry. Then for some reasons the women (minus Sammi) decide to put on lingerie (except Angelina, who is wearing the smallest garbage bag ever) to play a bowl of questions…which is not a game I have ever heard of. This unsuccessful game mostly just leads to questions that make everyone look at Sammi and Ronnie awkwardly. Situation hits the nail on the head by pointing out that Sammi is not stupid, she knows what is going on, she just doesn’t want to believe it. I miss Situation, why isn’t he on this show more often??
Everyone gets ready to a fun night out! LOL JK, we all know they can’t go out as a group without drama! C’mon guys! This time Ronnie and Sammi’s fight begins before they even leave for the club. He can’t help it Sammi, he hates you because he loves you so much! Don’t you get it?? I will tell the short version of what happened next: Fight fight fight. “I’m done, I don’t want to be with him. It’s over. But I have to tell him I’m leaving.” Fight fight fight. Ronnie’s inebriated.
After declaring that she was completely done and okay with it, she still takes care of his stupid drunk ass. I want to shake her. As does everyone else. Even in the morning, when he has sobered up enough to take care of himself, Sammi still gives him sympathy. SAMANTHA. STOP IT.
You know what Sammi needs to do? She needs to go out with JWoww and Snooks and bring guys home to get in the hot tub. She doesn’t have to hook up with anyone, just give Ronnie a little taste of his own medicine. Clearly, Sammi could use a friend like me.
Instead, she has friends who decide to send her an anonymous letter to get her up to speed on all of Ronnie’s trysts. They are positive she will not know it’s them, as they use the word “breasts” in the letter. All the while, Sammi has been forced by the producers to hang out with Angelina, who is feasibly the worst liar ever.
Next week, Sammi finds the letter! But who could have written it?! Shenanigans will ensue!
Snooki dials up her boyfriend, who sucks, and tells her there are half naked girls everywhere around up. Don’t mess with our Snooks like that, you midget! (Yes, I have seen him in person and he is very short.) Anyway, she gets pissed and points out that things like this are the reason the lesbian rate is going up.
Sammi (who of course is in her bed. BECAUSE SHE IS ALWAYS IN HER BED) uncomfortably asks JWoww and Snooki is they think Ronnie is f***ing with her. They stare awkwardly and make it so obvious that they know something…but they still don’t tell her (which will be a theme throughout this entire episode). By 4AM they still aren’t home and Sammi get super pissed. Then Snooki’s boyfriend calls her back and tells her that he cheated on her. He was kidding but he is so terrible and needs to go away. C’mon Snooks, just break up with him. We know you do eventually. The angry girlfriends do what any rational females would do, and break some dishes.
Ronnie makes a smart decision for once and goes to sleep in his own bed. Well, maybe it wasn’t so smart, as Sammi is even more pissed now. Ronnie then claims that he doesn’t think he has started any of these arguments. He’s delusional. Also, he says the reason he didn’t go to college because he hates tests. Yep, I’m sure that’s the reason. Then they have the same fight they have everyday. Meanwhile, Angelina is trying to kiss Snooki’s ass. Shut up Angelina.
The next night we get our first family dinner of the season, which really just makes me hungry. Then for some reasons the women (minus Sammi) decide to put on lingerie (except Angelina, who is wearing the smallest garbage bag ever) to play a bowl of questions…which is not a game I have ever heard of. This unsuccessful game mostly just leads to questions that make everyone look at Sammi and Ronnie awkwardly. Situation hits the nail on the head by pointing out that Sammi is not stupid, she knows what is going on, she just doesn’t want to believe it. I miss Situation, why isn’t he on this show more often??
Everyone gets ready to a fun night out! LOL JK, we all know they can’t go out as a group without drama! C’mon guys! This time Ronnie and Sammi’s fight begins before they even leave for the club. He can’t help it Sammi, he hates you because he loves you so much! Don’t you get it?? I will tell the short version of what happened next: Fight fight fight. “I’m done, I don’t want to be with him. It’s over. But I have to tell him I’m leaving.” Fight fight fight. Ronnie’s inebriated.
After declaring that she was completely done and okay with it, she still takes care of his stupid drunk ass. I want to shake her. As does everyone else. Even in the morning, when he has sobered up enough to take care of himself, Sammi still gives him sympathy. SAMANTHA. STOP IT.
You know what Sammi needs to do? She needs to go out with JWoww and Snooks and bring guys home to get in the hot tub. She doesn’t have to hook up with anyone, just give Ronnie a little taste of his own medicine. Clearly, Sammi could use a friend like me.
Instead, she has friends who decide to send her an anonymous letter to get her up to speed on all of Ronnie’s trysts. They are positive she will not know it’s them, as they use the word “breasts” in the letter. All the while, Sammi has been forced by the producers to hang out with Angelina, who is feasibly the worst liar ever.
Next week, Sammi finds the letter! But who could have written it?! Shenanigans will ensue!
8.18 RHODC: It's all just like red, white and blue ya know?
Previously on RHODC:
These women continue to be the most horribly drab thing that ever happened to the Real Housewives franchise.
We open with Cat and a reminder that she is writing a book. I think that is a new requirement when you join the ‘Housewives’ cast. Despite that fact that I may or may not own every piece of Bethenny Frankel merchandise on the planet, I WILL NOT be purchasing anything that comes out of the RHODC.
Stacie made the mistake of inviting Michaele to her friend’s vineyard. Seriously, do these people have to show up everywhere in a white limo? Michaele’s husband, who is more annoying than her, ruins everyone’s buzz while they are wine tasting. WTH, wine tasting is for getting wasted! Not getting technical! Michaele shares her well thought out political views, which essentially comes down to everything being red, white and blue. So wise, that one. I’m still not exactly sure if Stacie and her husband were truly inviting Michaele and her husband to Paris, but looks like they’re all going!
Three episodes in, I feel as if I am getting a better feel for these women, which leads me to my next point: I like Lynda. Yes, she told Michaele to eat a burger and fries, but that is awesome! I don’t buy that she is genuinely concerned about Michaele’s health, but that does not make me dislike her. She even feigns interest in Cat’s book! I can’t figure Cat’s life out. Her book is about falling out of love with her husband and in love with a married man…but who is Charles in all of this? I thought that had been married for a long time…? Apparently I can’t keep up.
Mary and her husband go out to lunch and he makes a Dick Cheney joke. Ha ha ha. Clever. Then they moan and bitch about Michael and Tareq are flashy and took over Paul’s party.
We finally get a scene with my favorite housewife this season, Paul! His publicist is paying him a visit to give him some news from crazy-town. Michaele’s attorney called to inform her that Tareq and Michaele will not be paying for Paul’s birthday party. Um, aren’t these people millionaires? What is wrong with them?? They couldn’t splurge on some sheet cake for a party they are hosting?!
Off to Paris! (Not for me, but God I wish.) Stacie and Michaele seem like unlikely friends, so this trip will most likely be awkward. Both Stacie and her husband (whose name I can never remember) seem to try in a polite way to tell us that they do not like Michaele and Tareq. Then they all groove together at a rap concert. Their words, not mine. The next day, Stacie and Michaele go shopping and we finally learn why Danielle Staub is looking for her birth mother…because she heard it was going to be a storyline on another ‘housewives’!!!! It all makes sense now!
Cat’s husband, a professional photographer, is too busy to take her picture for her book cover. Like Cat, I don’t exactly understand all the shopping bags and cell phone for a book about cheating on your husband, but whatever. But wait! Charles shows up just in the nick of time! Oh what a fairytale ending! A woman with a giant Louis Vuitton duffle makes far more sense for her book cover. (…)
The beauty of being on housewives is you get to go to a lot of cool parties and get your hair and makeup done by professionals. I wish this was my everyday life. However, I am thankful everyday that I don’t have to pretend to be friends with people like these. Tonight’s is with some hair stylists hosted by Mary. With goodie bags! And tension between Michaele and Lynda! And Cat’s continued distaste for American cuisine! And more accusations of racism!
Next week everyone fights. Bye!
These women continue to be the most horribly drab thing that ever happened to the Real Housewives franchise.
We open with Cat and a reminder that she is writing a book. I think that is a new requirement when you join the ‘Housewives’ cast. Despite that fact that I may or may not own every piece of Bethenny Frankel merchandise on the planet, I WILL NOT be purchasing anything that comes out of the RHODC.
Stacie made the mistake of inviting Michaele to her friend’s vineyard. Seriously, do these people have to show up everywhere in a white limo? Michaele’s husband, who is more annoying than her, ruins everyone’s buzz while they are wine tasting. WTH, wine tasting is for getting wasted! Not getting technical! Michaele shares her well thought out political views, which essentially comes down to everything being red, white and blue. So wise, that one. I’m still not exactly sure if Stacie and her husband were truly inviting Michaele and her husband to Paris, but looks like they’re all going!
Three episodes in, I feel as if I am getting a better feel for these women, which leads me to my next point: I like Lynda. Yes, she told Michaele to eat a burger and fries, but that is awesome! I don’t buy that she is genuinely concerned about Michaele’s health, but that does not make me dislike her. She even feigns interest in Cat’s book! I can’t figure Cat’s life out. Her book is about falling out of love with her husband and in love with a married man…but who is Charles in all of this? I thought that had been married for a long time…? Apparently I can’t keep up.
Mary and her husband go out to lunch and he makes a Dick Cheney joke. Ha ha ha. Clever. Then they moan and bitch about Michael and Tareq are flashy and took over Paul’s party.
We finally get a scene with my favorite housewife this season, Paul! His publicist is paying him a visit to give him some news from crazy-town. Michaele’s attorney called to inform her that Tareq and Michaele will not be paying for Paul’s birthday party. Um, aren’t these people millionaires? What is wrong with them?? They couldn’t splurge on some sheet cake for a party they are hosting?!
Off to Paris! (Not for me, but God I wish.) Stacie and Michaele seem like unlikely friends, so this trip will most likely be awkward. Both Stacie and her husband (whose name I can never remember) seem to try in a polite way to tell us that they do not like Michaele and Tareq. Then they all groove together at a rap concert. Their words, not mine. The next day, Stacie and Michaele go shopping and we finally learn why Danielle Staub is looking for her birth mother…because she heard it was going to be a storyline on another ‘housewives’!!!! It all makes sense now!
Cat’s husband, a professional photographer, is too busy to take her picture for her book cover. Like Cat, I don’t exactly understand all the shopping bags and cell phone for a book about cheating on your husband, but whatever. But wait! Charles shows up just in the nick of time! Oh what a fairytale ending! A woman with a giant Louis Vuitton duffle makes far more sense for her book cover. (…)
The beauty of being on housewives is you get to go to a lot of cool parties and get your hair and makeup done by professionals. I wish this was my everyday life. However, I am thankful everyday that I don’t have to pretend to be friends with people like these. Tonight’s is with some hair stylists hosted by Mary. With goodie bags! And tension between Michaele and Lynda! And Cat’s continued distaste for American cuisine! And more accusations of racism!
Next week everyone fights. Bye!
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