Tonight: Part 2 of the most insane Real Housewives episode ever!!!
We jump right back into it, bringing up the night at the Brownstone. Naturally, Danielle blames everything on Kim G…except for Danny calling Christopher a f*****that was editing’s fault. Good thing, Teresa is there to egg Andy Cohen on, asking if he was offended. We get off topic and everyone claims that Danielle stalks them. She probably does. Despite claiming that she has better things to do with her time, we all know she doesn’t.
Jacqueline has really found her voice this reunion and continues to berate Danielle for doing drugs and sleeping with married men. I feel proud of her because she usually keeps her mouth shut in front of people. Danielle storms off stage and makes lesbian comments to be sure the camera stays on her. Once again, Andy Cohen has to give a lesson on how to stay seated and Danielle finally returns.
We finally get to my favorite topic, Dina! Delusional Danielle is convinced that she is not the reason that Dina left the show. She is. And that’s the end of it. What? No more talk about Dina?! Well, I guess we had to get to Ashley at some point.
Danielle pretends that she did not confront Ashley on Facebook. She also doesn’t remember when she tweeted that she hoped someone’s birthday wish of Ashley killing herself came true. That’s appropriate. In the end Danielle sort of apologizes (?) and we move on to the hair pull heard round the world. Luckily, for those who do not understand extensions, Danielle has brought a hair model. Caroline can hardly contain herself.
Kim G’s time has finally come! And girlfriend had some work done for sure. Caroline temporarily takes over Andy’s job (he is probably mixing up a stiff drink) and grills Kim G, who answers (almost) every question to Caroline’s liking, but she’s still not having lunch with her. Onto Teresa, who has it out for Kim G. We find out this is because of something Kim G tweeted about Teresa having no money. And just like that, her time is over.
Time for the matriarch to matriarch meeting! I’m kind of bored and wish that Teresa would assault Andy Cohen again to liven things up. This whole recap could be “topic is brought up, Danielle denies any responsibility, everyone gets mad, Andy changes subject.” Until…wait a minute? Are Danielle and Jacqueline making up? Jacqueline sure has changed her tune…but I guess Danielle has too. Tears and apologies. Boring.
HUGS? WTF IS HAPPENING? I guess Andy Cohen wasn’t kidding when he said the ending would shock us. Thankfully Caroline doesn’t give in and only shakes hands, then calls Danielle on her BS. Well, they didn’t announce Danielle’s dismissal from the show as I predicted. Bummer again.
Showing posts with label RHONJ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label RHONJ. Show all posts
Monday, September 6, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
RHONJ Reunion Part 1: Best. Episode. Ever.
Tonight! The most dramatic housewives reunion of all time! Oh My God this is already amazing.
First of all, how did they get Caroline and Danielle to sit on the same couch? Did they call it the matriarch couch? For some reason, the first topic of conversation is Jersey Shore. Don’t diss Snooki, ladies. Teresa does a good job of bringing it back, as she points out that Danielle is a major sliggity, just like those Jersey Shore kids!
Next, we get a montage of all the idiotic things that have come out of these women’s (or woman’s if your Danielle) mouths.
We go back to the wonderful day when cutestbabyever was born. Also, when Teresa’s 4th mini me was born (and Dina!!) Of course, this moment is ruined, as we have to go back to Danielle and ask why she never called Jacqueline after her baby was born. Because Danielle sucks, that is why (which is the answer to most questions involving this show.)
We finally get the answer to the question asked on last year’s reunion, what exactly did Danielle do to Dina? Well…she tried to have her daughter taken away from her! Even crazier than I thought! I am so proud of Jacqueline as she finally sticks up for herself and tells Danielle what it is. Danielle apparently can no longer afford a stylish and Andy Cohen gets beat up by Teresa. We aren’t even 15 minutes in!
We get footage of Caroline and Teresa back stage while Teresa continues to freak out. Meanwhile, no one cares about Danielle. Andy Cohen can’t even fake it. Oh wait, her lesbian lover has shown up! All is well in looneyville. I also love that Andy Cohen laughs off Teresa body slamming him. What a trooper. I’m sure he’s wasted.
Anyway, we bring up another topic that can only lead to a vote, the fact that Danielle lied to everyone saying that she took her to all her fertility appointments. She didn’t!
Andy tries, yet again, to steer the focus away from Danielle and onto…the ham game. Is Albie going to show up on this reunion? I hope so. Caroline cries again and reveals the best news of the night…he gave up his girlfriend to study! However, we have to touch on the fact that Caroline shaves her face again, so my joy was short lived.
Let’s take a moment to adore the people who write questions into this reunion. Mainly, the one who asked if Danielle is living through her children, as Christine is a model and Danielle never was, and Jillian is a singer and Danielle never was. Brilliant.
It needs to be asked at this point…did Teresa pop a Xanax? She zones out while Danielle is talking about Gia’s modeling career and hardly raises her voice when it’s pointed out that Danielle essentially related her kids to dogs. Then we find out that Danielle’s kids are made fun of at school and that makes me feel sad for them.
Clearly, someone in Bravo production hates Teresa, as our next montage is of all the ways Teresa wasted her money this season. Afterward, Teresa continues to insist that her house is not in foreclosure. Andy Cohen rattles off a list of Teresa’s debts, which leads me to believe that he is the member of the Bravo production team mentioned earlier. Danielle can hardly sit still! She has been quiet for too long, so Andy asks her opinion on Joe’s car accident. We can all guess what her answer was here.
We finally get to the segment focused on Danielle. As we all figured, she and Danny were definitely getting it on, despite the fact that he had a wife! Also, despite the fact that she is a “born again virgin.” Oh, and a lesbian with LESBIAN SUPERSTAR Lori Michaels. Next, we talk about Danielle’s sex tapes. Let’s take a minute to discuss celebrity sex tapes. A sex tape CANNOT be released without consent of BOTH parties. Then, BOTH parties receive royalties. Otherwise, the party releasing the sex tape can be SUED. Okay? Okay. Also, I now retract my previous comment about Teresa taking a Xanax.
Luckily, tonight’s event is supersized so we get to talk about Danielle crashing the cancer baby party. Remember? The one where she didn’t donate any money after bringing in uninvited guests? Yeah.
Next week: Kim G arrives and Danielle gets fired! (I assume)
First of all, how did they get Caroline and Danielle to sit on the same couch? Did they call it the matriarch couch? For some reason, the first topic of conversation is Jersey Shore. Don’t diss Snooki, ladies. Teresa does a good job of bringing it back, as she points out that Danielle is a major sliggity, just like those Jersey Shore kids!
Next, we get a montage of all the idiotic things that have come out of these women’s (or woman’s if your Danielle) mouths.
We go back to the wonderful day when cutestbabyever was born. Also, when Teresa’s 4th mini me was born (and Dina!!) Of course, this moment is ruined, as we have to go back to Danielle and ask why she never called Jacqueline after her baby was born. Because Danielle sucks, that is why (which is the answer to most questions involving this show.)
We finally get the answer to the question asked on last year’s reunion, what exactly did Danielle do to Dina? Well…she tried to have her daughter taken away from her! Even crazier than I thought! I am so proud of Jacqueline as she finally sticks up for herself and tells Danielle what it is. Danielle apparently can no longer afford a stylish and Andy Cohen gets beat up by Teresa. We aren’t even 15 minutes in!
We get footage of Caroline and Teresa back stage while Teresa continues to freak out. Meanwhile, no one cares about Danielle. Andy Cohen can’t even fake it. Oh wait, her lesbian lover has shown up! All is well in looneyville. I also love that Andy Cohen laughs off Teresa body slamming him. What a trooper. I’m sure he’s wasted.
Anyway, we bring up another topic that can only lead to a vote, the fact that Danielle lied to everyone saying that she took her to all her fertility appointments. She didn’t!
Andy tries, yet again, to steer the focus away from Danielle and onto…the ham game. Is Albie going to show up on this reunion? I hope so. Caroline cries again and reveals the best news of the night…he gave up his girlfriend to study! However, we have to touch on the fact that Caroline shaves her face again, so my joy was short lived.
Let’s take a moment to adore the people who write questions into this reunion. Mainly, the one who asked if Danielle is living through her children, as Christine is a model and Danielle never was, and Jillian is a singer and Danielle never was. Brilliant.
It needs to be asked at this point…did Teresa pop a Xanax? She zones out while Danielle is talking about Gia’s modeling career and hardly raises her voice when it’s pointed out that Danielle essentially related her kids to dogs. Then we find out that Danielle’s kids are made fun of at school and that makes me feel sad for them.
Clearly, someone in Bravo production hates Teresa, as our next montage is of all the ways Teresa wasted her money this season. Afterward, Teresa continues to insist that her house is not in foreclosure. Andy Cohen rattles off a list of Teresa’s debts, which leads me to believe that he is the member of the Bravo production team mentioned earlier. Danielle can hardly sit still! She has been quiet for too long, so Andy asks her opinion on Joe’s car accident. We can all guess what her answer was here.
We finally get to the segment focused on Danielle. As we all figured, she and Danny were definitely getting it on, despite the fact that he had a wife! Also, despite the fact that she is a “born again virgin.” Oh, and a lesbian with LESBIAN SUPERSTAR Lori Michaels. Next, we talk about Danielle’s sex tapes. Let’s take a minute to discuss celebrity sex tapes. A sex tape CANNOT be released without consent of BOTH parties. Then, BOTH parties receive royalties. Otherwise, the party releasing the sex tape can be SUED. Okay? Okay. Also, I now retract my previous comment about Teresa taking a Xanax.
Luckily, tonight’s event is supersized so we get to talk about Danielle crashing the cancer baby party. Remember? The one where she didn’t donate any money after bringing in uninvited guests? Yeah.
Next week: Kim G arrives and Danielle gets fired! (I assume)
Monday, August 23, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
8/16 RHONJ: Is It Over Yet?
Previously on RHONJ:
They all went to Italy...blah blah blah
We find our housewives docking in Naples, where the Guidices almost get left on the boat. That would not have been unfortunate for anyone. Except maybe Joe. Anyway, they make it and all board a tour bus together. With other people! Those poor people. I am sensing a rift may be to come in Caroline and Teresa’s friendship, as Teresa’s kids are annoying as shit and Caroline has been forced to deal with.
Back in NJ, Danielle’s days are numbered since we all have heard by now that she was fired from the show. She tries starting up a new storyline for herself by really pushing this biological mother thing. All this time we all assumed that Danielle had daddy issues, but as it turns out she has mommy issues! I continue to be completely perplexed by how well adjusted Danielle’s children are. I guess this will just be one of the great mysteries of my life.
I always forget that Chris and Caroline are siblings. How strange is that? Chris never says things like “we’re thick as thieves”. The meal they eat in Naples looks amazing, I wish I were there. It’s made even better by the fact that we get our first cutestbabyever shot in awhile!!!!! This happy moment is short lived though, as we immediately go back to the nightmare that this vacation actually is with the revelation that they will all have to hike up a cliff the next day. Dina has to be thrilled that she got off the show before this.
Danielle can’t help it and resorts back to the only story line that has kept her on that show, complaining about the other women. Danny reveals that Ashley’s “friends” have been coming to him and asking what they can do for him. Wait, Danny is a creepy guy who hangs around teenagers? Almost as shocking as Joe’s bitching about spending money.
The gang finally arrives in Joe and Teresa’s families’ hometown where cutestbabyever is appropriately treated like a king and carried up the mountain. This awful trip saves a little face when Joe’s adorably typical Italian grandmother appears on our screens. So sweet! So happy! So not the typical “guest star” on the show just looking for screen time! We actually get some peaceful moment with the housewives visiting with Joe’s family. Naturally, this doesn’t last long.
Danielle hires a PI to find her birth mother, who may or may not be able to find her (so helpful). Can you imagine if Danielle actually finds this woman? The horror of knowing Danielle Staub is your spawn! Terrifying.
Everyone arrives home safe and sound and apparently still friends? Hm, interesting.
Next week is the season finale!! Praise the Lord!!!! (Sorry, I used to love this show, but I am over it.)
They all went to Italy...blah blah blah
We find our housewives docking in Naples, where the Guidices almost get left on the boat. That would not have been unfortunate for anyone. Except maybe Joe. Anyway, they make it and all board a tour bus together. With other people! Those poor people. I am sensing a rift may be to come in Caroline and Teresa’s friendship, as Teresa’s kids are annoying as shit and Caroline has been forced to deal with.
Back in NJ, Danielle’s days are numbered since we all have heard by now that she was fired from the show. She tries starting up a new storyline for herself by really pushing this biological mother thing. All this time we all assumed that Danielle had daddy issues, but as it turns out she has mommy issues! I continue to be completely perplexed by how well adjusted Danielle’s children are. I guess this will just be one of the great mysteries of my life.
I always forget that Chris and Caroline are siblings. How strange is that? Chris never says things like “we’re thick as thieves”. The meal they eat in Naples looks amazing, I wish I were there. It’s made even better by the fact that we get our first cutestbabyever shot in awhile!!!!! This happy moment is short lived though, as we immediately go back to the nightmare that this vacation actually is with the revelation that they will all have to hike up a cliff the next day. Dina has to be thrilled that she got off the show before this.
Danielle can’t help it and resorts back to the only story line that has kept her on that show, complaining about the other women. Danny reveals that Ashley’s “friends” have been coming to him and asking what they can do for him. Wait, Danny is a creepy guy who hangs around teenagers? Almost as shocking as Joe’s bitching about spending money.
The gang finally arrives in Joe and Teresa’s families’ hometown where cutestbabyever is appropriately treated like a king and carried up the mountain. This awful trip saves a little face when Joe’s adorably typical Italian grandmother appears on our screens. So sweet! So happy! So not the typical “guest star” on the show just looking for screen time! We actually get some peaceful moment with the housewives visiting with Joe’s family. Naturally, this doesn’t last long.
Danielle hires a PI to find her birth mother, who may or may not be able to find her (so helpful). Can you imagine if Danielle actually finds this woman? The horror of knowing Danielle Staub is your spawn! Terrifying.
Everyone arrives home safe and sound and apparently still friends? Hm, interesting.
Next week is the season finale!! Praise the Lord!!!! (Sorry, I used to love this show, but I am over it.)
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
A Tribute to the Real Stars of Our Favorite Reality Shows
BABIES!
First up, as we all know, my personal favorite... from RHONJ Nicholas Laurita!
And how could you not love the face of Mason Disick (even if his dad is a douchebag), the only reason to watch Kourtney and Khloe take Miami
And finally, we can't forget this little nuggety nug, Hank Jr. of Kendra fame
Babies make these terrible shows okay.
Edit: How could I forget the spawn of my personal hero!?
Sorry Bryn.
First up, as we all know, my personal favorite... from RHONJ Nicholas Laurita!
And how could you not love the face of Mason Disick (even if his dad is a douchebag), the only reason to watch Kourtney and Khloe take Miami
And finally, we can't forget this little nuggety nug, Hank Jr. of Kendra fame
Babies make these terrible shows okay.
Edit: How could I forget the spawn of my personal hero!?
Sorry Bryn.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
8.9 RHONJ: A Nice, Relaxing Vaction...um, or not
Previously on RHONJ:
Teresa spent more money she doesn’t have
Caroline wants her husband to retire
Ashley sucks
Since we last left our heroes, Joe has crashed his car; luckily TMZ was there to capture the whole thing. Joe says he was driving home at 1:30 AM, wasn’t drunk (Jacqueline assured us, through her slur that he “wasn’t even drinking that night.) Apparently he yawned and closed his eyes for a second, which caused him to floor it and then he hit a pole and miraculously, is still in one piece. He happened to crash in front of a family friends house…who offered him scotch and he gladly accepted! Before the cops came!
Oh goody! We get Danielle’s perspective on Joe’s accident at the same time! Danny says Joe was arrested for getting a DWI. Oh Danielle can hardly contain herself! Naturally, Danielle knows exactly what happened so she takes it upon herself to tell us what a terrible person Joe is.
Teresa is feeling stressed out about how much everyone has been talking about Joe’s accident, so she proposes that everyone goes on a trip to Italy! Hijinks are sure to ensue! So Caroline goes to ask Albert what he thinks about this trip and also to get a little attention, because she is lonely. Albert doesn’t want kids there, but Teresa’s kids know how to work this one. Poor Albert, I wouldn’t want to go on vacation with these kids either. Meanwhile, at Jacqueline’s house cutestbabyever is dressed up in a little Italian outfit! It’s amazing! Chris Laurita is the only one who readily agrees to this trip…Albert eventually comes around, and poor, poor Joe is forced once again into spending money he doesn’t have. Naturally, the grandparents are coming because these housewives don’t want to deal with their children while on vacation!
Watching everyone pack is boring. Except for Milania, it is pretty adorable to see a 3 year old packing her own suitcase. The only thing that could be cuter would be if cutestbabyever packed his own suitcase.
Ashley is not allowed to go on the trip because she has to work. Jacqueline trusting that Ashley won’t have parties or play house with her boyfriend? A little naive.
I can’t imagine going on this trip. I feel stressed out just watching these 20 people try to collect themselves and leave Teresa’s house. Yikes. And Jacqueline’s mom breaking the vase? They could have auctioned that off!
So we arrive in Venice and everyone goes on a “romantic” gondola ride, with no singing and Milania falling off the boat…well not really, but I kept thinking she was going to. After the exciting rides Teresa wants to go to Chanel and Joe wants to get food, the cheaper alternative to Chanel. Naturally, they all lose each other and Chanel is closed (I told you! Hijinks!) Then they have to take water taxis to get to the cruise ship! More hijinks!
The cruise ship is INCREDIBLE (can I live there?) Gia’s leopard on leopard on leopard ensemble, however, is not incredible. I wonder if she was wearing her silver Juicy Couture purse with it.
Chris and Joe escape the chaos so they can…gossip about Danielle? Then they decide they should go on vacation together once a year! Twice a year says Joe!
Somehow Caroline and Albert, the two that wanted to go on this vacation as just couples, get stuck babysitting the childrenfromhell (if only it had just been cutestbabyever). While Jacqueline and Chris enjoy some regular couple time and take a cooking class. Like regular people would on a cruise ship!
Everyone wakes up in the morning and it’s Milania’s birthday! Jacqueline’s hungover and I can only imagine that being hungover on a boat is a million times worse than being hungover on my couch. But anyway, she is unable to attend Milania’s “eat party”, which even Milania apparently did not want to attend. Then we have an awkward conversation about the mafia while Jacqueline voms some more. Also, has anyone checked CJ’s breathing? He appears lifeless.
Next week:
More Italy!
Danielle is still looking for her birth mom…ugh.
Teresa spent more money she doesn’t have
Caroline wants her husband to retire
Ashley sucks
Since we last left our heroes, Joe has crashed his car; luckily TMZ was there to capture the whole thing. Joe says he was driving home at 1:30 AM, wasn’t drunk (Jacqueline assured us, through her slur that he “wasn’t even drinking that night.) Apparently he yawned and closed his eyes for a second, which caused him to floor it and then he hit a pole and miraculously, is still in one piece. He happened to crash in front of a family friends house…who offered him scotch and he gladly accepted! Before the cops came!
Oh goody! We get Danielle’s perspective on Joe’s accident at the same time! Danny says Joe was arrested for getting a DWI. Oh Danielle can hardly contain herself! Naturally, Danielle knows exactly what happened so she takes it upon herself to tell us what a terrible person Joe is.
Teresa is feeling stressed out about how much everyone has been talking about Joe’s accident, so she proposes that everyone goes on a trip to Italy! Hijinks are sure to ensue! So Caroline goes to ask Albert what he thinks about this trip and also to get a little attention, because she is lonely. Albert doesn’t want kids there, but Teresa’s kids know how to work this one. Poor Albert, I wouldn’t want to go on vacation with these kids either. Meanwhile, at Jacqueline’s house cutestbabyever is dressed up in a little Italian outfit! It’s amazing! Chris Laurita is the only one who readily agrees to this trip…Albert eventually comes around, and poor, poor Joe is forced once again into spending money he doesn’t have. Naturally, the grandparents are coming because these housewives don’t want to deal with their children while on vacation!
Watching everyone pack is boring. Except for Milania, it is pretty adorable to see a 3 year old packing her own suitcase. The only thing that could be cuter would be if cutestbabyever packed his own suitcase.
Ashley is not allowed to go on the trip because she has to work. Jacqueline trusting that Ashley won’t have parties or play house with her boyfriend? A little naive.
I can’t imagine going on this trip. I feel stressed out just watching these 20 people try to collect themselves and leave Teresa’s house. Yikes. And Jacqueline’s mom breaking the vase? They could have auctioned that off!
So we arrive in Venice and everyone goes on a “romantic” gondola ride, with no singing and Milania falling off the boat…well not really, but I kept thinking she was going to. After the exciting rides Teresa wants to go to Chanel and Joe wants to get food, the cheaper alternative to Chanel. Naturally, they all lose each other and Chanel is closed (I told you! Hijinks!) Then they have to take water taxis to get to the cruise ship! More hijinks!
The cruise ship is INCREDIBLE (can I live there?) Gia’s leopard on leopard on leopard ensemble, however, is not incredible. I wonder if she was wearing her silver Juicy Couture purse with it.
Chris and Joe escape the chaos so they can…gossip about Danielle? Then they decide they should go on vacation together once a year! Twice a year says Joe!
Somehow Caroline and Albert, the two that wanted to go on this vacation as just couples, get stuck babysitting the childrenfromhell (if only it had just been cutestbabyever). While Jacqueline and Chris enjoy some regular couple time and take a cooking class. Like regular people would on a cruise ship!
Everyone wakes up in the morning and it’s Milania’s birthday! Jacqueline’s hungover and I can only imagine that being hungover on a boat is a million times worse than being hungover on my couch. But anyway, she is unable to attend Milania’s “eat party”, which even Milania apparently did not want to attend. Then we have an awkward conversation about the mafia while Jacqueline voms some more. Also, has anyone checked CJ’s breathing? He appears lifeless.
Next week:
More Italy!
Danielle is still looking for her birth mom…ugh.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
8.2 RHONJ: The Return of Dina!
RHONJ 8.2
Previously on RHONJ
Dina is Teresa’s daughter’s godmother
Christine has her sweet 16 and Danielle and Kim G renewed their friendship, minus that Kim G really wants to be on the other team
Teresa and Joe are planning an insane Christening party for their newest daughter (I can’t remember her name, but it’s something with a lot of vowels). Watching this is so unfortunate because we all know they are auctioning off their belongings now. Maybe if they hadn’t had these huge parties they wouldn’t have to sell so much stuff. But let’s focus on the positive, DINA IS BACK! As the vowel-baby’s godmother she has to be in the episode a lot right? Joe’s opinion? Nice but not too nice. Dude, just tell someone now that you are broke!!
Danielle takes her daughter to her first OB-GYN appointment. I get this, my mother still tries to come to all my doctor’s appointments with me and I am 23 (and we live on different sides of town…) Danielle asks a series of questions that any 16 year old would find annoying, let alone one that has to answer them on camera. Hilariously, Danielle encourages abstinence. Okay, just wondering, but are they this desperate for footage that they have to humiliate this girl by showing this? Poor Christine. First she has a looney toon for a mother and now this. She gets her revenge by telling Danielle on camera that she should also get the HPV vaccination.
Christopher and Kim G’s son (I shall call him Little G) spend some brah time together. Kim G is obviously starting to dress for the camera more, she is still a mess though. We return to the plotline of Christopher and Little G being in the middle of Kim G trying to become friends with Caroline so she can be in the opening credits.
Back in Teresa’s world, the girls look super precious, but it is ruined when Gia asks to wear her “silver Juicy Couture” purse. If only they would keep their mouths closed, then I would love them. I have high hopes that this youngest Guidice baby will somehow not be a brat.
DINA!!!!!!! Please come back! This show needs you! The baby gets Gucci shoes. I feel jealous. Do you think that someday this little baby will ask Teresa why Dina is her godmother and she will have to explain that it was for May sweeps? Does anyone else feel as if Joe is going to turn into The Hulk and burst out of his clothes and start screaming? (“ME HATE PICTURES”)? Clearly, the Bravo cameras were not allowed in the Christening. Not because Teresa didn’t want them in there (we got all the home video footage we could have wanted), but maybe because the Catholic Church doesn’t look kindly upon it. The party is just as Christopher describes it, a circus. Caroline’s necklace is very distracting, seriously is it going to eat her face? (Fortunately, it is not quite as bad as that chain-strap top that Alex McCord wore is so many of her interview segments.) Thankfully, we get a shot of Nicholas (aka cutestbabyever) fist pumping.
Anyway, Danielle goes to see Kim G and talks about how their relationship is special. This is foreshadowing disaster, I am just sure of it. I have trouble believing that Kim G is still a well respected woman in the community, but I guess that is just my opinion. Danielle shares that she is going to try and look for her birth mother because, naturally, she wants to…smell her…
Danielle takes her daughters out for dinner to discuss all the hot gossip, or something. Christine’s friend apparently was told by her eyebrow lady all this stuff about Danielle, because this “eyebrow lady” also knows Teresa. She even knew about Danielle’s biological mom! But wait! Only Kim G knew about that! Uh-oh, here comes the DRA-MA. Danielle’s natural) reaction is to call her ex-con friend, Danny. (Can we verify that Kim G is currently alive?)
Kim G barrels into Jacqueline’s house and starts dropping f-bombs in front of the baby. Inappropriate! (But his outfit was also inappropriate. Seriously Jacqueline? You have the cutestbabyever, no need to dress him like a thug.) Typical Danielle, obviously did not confront Kim G about what happened, but instead sends an email to someone else telling them to no longer be friends with her. Okay, Kim G drives me nuts and she is playing both sides, but it appears as if she has finally seen the light. Camera time is not worth having to fake a friendship with Danielle.
Danny comes over to Danielle’s house to discuss the hit they are going to put out on Kim G’s life. Danielle bitches a lot, and then they leave for the big showdown, which naturally is going to take place in a restaurant. For some reason, Danielle trusts an ex-con alone with her Range Rover. Kim G explains that just because Danielle has beef with these women doesn’t mean she does. That’s not what girlfriends do! They yell at each other and everyone in the restaurant stares. Ahh, to be there. I’m pretty sure Kim G might be trying to re-enact the final Danielle/Dina scene as yet another attempt to be the new Dina. They scream some more, Kim G says Danielle has “square tits” and then it’s over.
Next week:
Joe gets arrested
Everyone goes to Italy!
Previously on RHONJ
Dina is Teresa’s daughter’s godmother
Christine has her sweet 16 and Danielle and Kim G renewed their friendship, minus that Kim G really wants to be on the other team
Teresa and Joe are planning an insane Christening party for their newest daughter (I can’t remember her name, but it’s something with a lot of vowels). Watching this is so unfortunate because we all know they are auctioning off their belongings now. Maybe if they hadn’t had these huge parties they wouldn’t have to sell so much stuff. But let’s focus on the positive, DINA IS BACK! As the vowel-baby’s godmother she has to be in the episode a lot right? Joe’s opinion? Nice but not too nice. Dude, just tell someone now that you are broke!!
Danielle takes her daughter to her first OB-GYN appointment. I get this, my mother still tries to come to all my doctor’s appointments with me and I am 23 (and we live on different sides of town…) Danielle asks a series of questions that any 16 year old would find annoying, let alone one that has to answer them on camera. Hilariously, Danielle encourages abstinence. Okay, just wondering, but are they this desperate for footage that they have to humiliate this girl by showing this? Poor Christine. First she has a looney toon for a mother and now this. She gets her revenge by telling Danielle on camera that she should also get the HPV vaccination.
Christopher and Kim G’s son (I shall call him Little G) spend some brah time together. Kim G is obviously starting to dress for the camera more, she is still a mess though. We return to the plotline of Christopher and Little G being in the middle of Kim G trying to become friends with Caroline so she can be in the opening credits.
Back in Teresa’s world, the girls look super precious, but it is ruined when Gia asks to wear her “silver Juicy Couture” purse. If only they would keep their mouths closed, then I would love them. I have high hopes that this youngest Guidice baby will somehow not be a brat.
DINA!!!!!!! Please come back! This show needs you! The baby gets Gucci shoes. I feel jealous. Do you think that someday this little baby will ask Teresa why Dina is her godmother and she will have to explain that it was for May sweeps? Does anyone else feel as if Joe is going to turn into The Hulk and burst out of his clothes and start screaming? (“ME HATE PICTURES”)? Clearly, the Bravo cameras were not allowed in the Christening. Not because Teresa didn’t want them in there (we got all the home video footage we could have wanted), but maybe because the Catholic Church doesn’t look kindly upon it. The party is just as Christopher describes it, a circus. Caroline’s necklace is very distracting, seriously is it going to eat her face? (Fortunately, it is not quite as bad as that chain-strap top that Alex McCord wore is so many of her interview segments.) Thankfully, we get a shot of Nicholas (aka cutestbabyever) fist pumping.
Anyway, Danielle goes to see Kim G and talks about how their relationship is special. This is foreshadowing disaster, I am just sure of it. I have trouble believing that Kim G is still a well respected woman in the community, but I guess that is just my opinion. Danielle shares that she is going to try and look for her birth mother because, naturally, she wants to…smell her…
Danielle takes her daughters out for dinner to discuss all the hot gossip, or something. Christine’s friend apparently was told by her eyebrow lady all this stuff about Danielle, because this “eyebrow lady” also knows Teresa. She even knew about Danielle’s biological mom! But wait! Only Kim G knew about that! Uh-oh, here comes the DRA-MA. Danielle’s natural) reaction is to call her ex-con friend, Danny. (Can we verify that Kim G is currently alive?)
Kim G barrels into Jacqueline’s house and starts dropping f-bombs in front of the baby. Inappropriate! (But his outfit was also inappropriate. Seriously Jacqueline? You have the cutestbabyever, no need to dress him like a thug.) Typical Danielle, obviously did not confront Kim G about what happened, but instead sends an email to someone else telling them to no longer be friends with her. Okay, Kim G drives me nuts and she is playing both sides, but it appears as if she has finally seen the light. Camera time is not worth having to fake a friendship with Danielle.
Danny comes over to Danielle’s house to discuss the hit they are going to put out on Kim G’s life. Danielle bitches a lot, and then they leave for the big showdown, which naturally is going to take place in a restaurant. For some reason, Danielle trusts an ex-con alone with her Range Rover. Kim G explains that just because Danielle has beef with these women doesn’t mean she does. That’s not what girlfriends do! They yell at each other and everyone in the restaurant stares. Ahh, to be there. I’m pretty sure Kim G might be trying to re-enact the final Danielle/Dina scene as yet another attempt to be the new Dina. They scream some more, Kim G says Danielle has “square tits” and then it’s over.
Next week:
Joe gets arrested
Everyone goes to Italy!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
7.26 RHONJ: Or is it My Super Sweet 16?
Sorry I’m 2 days late! Real job got in the way of my blogging! The nerve!
Previously on RHONJ
Danielle punches things
Teresa sees her future
Albie failed out of law school (SERIOUSLY? WE GET IT)
Danielle is pressing charges against Ashley for pulling her hair
Jacqueline is piiiiissed at Kim G
Joe is teaching the kids to begin to like simple things like Monopoly! Oh my, can you imagine? Having to play board games with your family for entertainment. Joe and Teresa’s 10th anniversary is coming up. She, of course, wants a fantastic present. Joe already knows that whatever he is going to buy her they are going to have to auction off in six months.
Meanwhile, in the asylum (wait what?? She still hasn’t joined Kelly Killeron Bensimon there yet??), Danielle is planning a sweet 16 for her daughter, but make no mistake, this is about Danielle. Danielle never had anyone throw her a birthday party until she was 47, awww the good old days when she was friends with Kim G (aka 3 weeks ago)
How are Danielle’s children so well adjusted? 15 year old Christine wants to donate the money raised at her party to charity. Danielle is excited about this because she thinks she is the charity Christine will donate to. I also am in hopes (is that English, Danielle?) that the girl’s dad with show up because I am interested to see what kind of person would be married to Danielle.
Jacqueline and Caroline are forced to have family talk time, since Dina isn’t on the show anymore. The subject, per usual, is Kim G (which is the only thing they have to talk about besides Danielle). Caroline tells Jacqueline that she needs to tell as few people as possible about this. Yes, this is very personal to their family, that is why the Bravo film crew is taping the whole thing for the entire country to watch. Very personal.
I love the wine glasses Teresa has. I want those. You could drink a whole bottle of wine out of one glass. Joe tries to subtly tell Chris about their money troubles while Teresa tells Jacquline that it doesn’t matter what she gets as long as it’s big (diamonds and diamonds and diamonds). Apparently to want the crown jewels you have to be Arabic. Ahh, to be inside Teresa’s head.
Albie is joining the police academy and got a haircut and we are forced to endure more unnecessary family time with the Manzos. You know what, at least Albie is motivated. Yes, he failed out of law school, and yes, I thought it was annoying that they focused on it for too many episodes, but at least he is doing something else with his life for the time being. Can’t say the same thing about those other kids (I’m looking at you, Christopher Manzo).
Danielle is now pimping her younger daughter’s music career, something else that she will be able to profit from. Danielle, the always encouraging mother, tells Christine to stop eating chocolate, because “that’s gross.” You know, Christine, her daughter that passed our during her first runway show because she hadn’t eaten…yeah…You know what might Jillian feel better? If her mom didn’t make her rehearse while she was super nervous with the camera on her. Just a thought.
Joe and Teresa are going on a trip. Taking a cue from The Bachelor/Bachelorette producers, they take a helicopter. Is Jersey City close to The Hamptons? I don’t think I have ever associated those two places together? But what do I, the Midwesterner, know? So, Teresa did get a diamond, and it is a beautiful ring. BRB I’m going to see if I can find it on Ebay now
We get some 80s cop music playing over a scene of Albie lifting weights. More Manzo family time! Hmm…Albie’s hair has suspiciously grown back fast.
Sweet 16 time! There’s a step and repeat at this party? Wait, why am I surprised, this is Danielle Staub. Naturally, Danielle has to do whatever she can to draw as much attention to herself at her daughter’s party, so she is going to wear her engagement ring when she sees her ex-husband. So we backtrack and see Christine picking out the dresses for her party that we already saw hanging up in their house…
I always forget to DVR Watch What Happens Live!!! That show is amazing, drunk Andy Cohen is my favorite television host of all time.
Suddenly, we are no longer watching RHONJ, now it’s an episode of My Super Sweet 16!! Christine’s sweet 16 party is becoming more and more about Jillian singing, no wonder they hate each other.
Oh good, we’re back to RHONJ and yet another argument between Jacqueline and Ashley about Ashley not listening and the charges Danielle is pressing blah blah blah.
Back to My Super Sweet 16! Wait, I thought Danielle hated Kim G? I cannot keep up with their friendship. Here he is! Mr. Tom Staub, he of course looks like a greaseball. Danielle begins her quest to get her ex-husband back. Danielle, remember when Christine didn’t feel well and she almost passed out on the runway? Maybe you shouldn’t ignore your daughter when she says her stomach hurts. How did all these kids luck into getting invited to his party? I kind of wish I had been there. Danielle makes sure everyone knows that these girls are HER daughters, okay; don’t forget people this is about her.
Now we get the same ending to every episode, Chris and Jacqueline talking about Ashley’s terrible behavior. Sorry I was too busy reading my twitter feed to keep up, and too lazy to hit the rewind button.
Next week:
Dina’s back!!
Kim G and Danielle break up for good!!
Previously on RHONJ
Danielle punches things
Teresa sees her future
Albie failed out of law school (SERIOUSLY? WE GET IT)
Danielle is pressing charges against Ashley for pulling her hair
Jacqueline is piiiiissed at Kim G
Joe is teaching the kids to begin to like simple things like Monopoly! Oh my, can you imagine? Having to play board games with your family for entertainment. Joe and Teresa’s 10th anniversary is coming up. She, of course, wants a fantastic present. Joe already knows that whatever he is going to buy her they are going to have to auction off in six months.
Meanwhile, in the asylum (wait what?? She still hasn’t joined Kelly Killeron Bensimon there yet??), Danielle is planning a sweet 16 for her daughter, but make no mistake, this is about Danielle. Danielle never had anyone throw her a birthday party until she was 47, awww the good old days when she was friends with Kim G (aka 3 weeks ago)
How are Danielle’s children so well adjusted? 15 year old Christine wants to donate the money raised at her party to charity. Danielle is excited about this because she thinks she is the charity Christine will donate to. I also am in hopes (is that English, Danielle?) that the girl’s dad with show up because I am interested to see what kind of person would be married to Danielle.
Jacqueline and Caroline are forced to have family talk time, since Dina isn’t on the show anymore. The subject, per usual, is Kim G (which is the only thing they have to talk about besides Danielle). Caroline tells Jacqueline that she needs to tell as few people as possible about this. Yes, this is very personal to their family, that is why the Bravo film crew is taping the whole thing for the entire country to watch. Very personal.
I love the wine glasses Teresa has. I want those. You could drink a whole bottle of wine out of one glass. Joe tries to subtly tell Chris about their money troubles while Teresa tells Jacquline that it doesn’t matter what she gets as long as it’s big (diamonds and diamonds and diamonds). Apparently to want the crown jewels you have to be Arabic. Ahh, to be inside Teresa’s head.
Albie is joining the police academy and got a haircut and we are forced to endure more unnecessary family time with the Manzos. You know what, at least Albie is motivated. Yes, he failed out of law school, and yes, I thought it was annoying that they focused on it for too many episodes, but at least he is doing something else with his life for the time being. Can’t say the same thing about those other kids (I’m looking at you, Christopher Manzo).
Danielle is now pimping her younger daughter’s music career, something else that she will be able to profit from. Danielle, the always encouraging mother, tells Christine to stop eating chocolate, because “that’s gross.” You know, Christine, her daughter that passed our during her first runway show because she hadn’t eaten…yeah…You know what might Jillian feel better? If her mom didn’t make her rehearse while she was super nervous with the camera on her. Just a thought.
Joe and Teresa are going on a trip. Taking a cue from The Bachelor/Bachelorette producers, they take a helicopter. Is Jersey City close to The Hamptons? I don’t think I have ever associated those two places together? But what do I, the Midwesterner, know? So, Teresa did get a diamond, and it is a beautiful ring. BRB I’m going to see if I can find it on Ebay now
We get some 80s cop music playing over a scene of Albie lifting weights. More Manzo family time! Hmm…Albie’s hair has suspiciously grown back fast.
Sweet 16 time! There’s a step and repeat at this party? Wait, why am I surprised, this is Danielle Staub. Naturally, Danielle has to do whatever she can to draw as much attention to herself at her daughter’s party, so she is going to wear her engagement ring when she sees her ex-husband. So we backtrack and see Christine picking out the dresses for her party that we already saw hanging up in their house…
I always forget to DVR Watch What Happens Live!!! That show is amazing, drunk Andy Cohen is my favorite television host of all time.
Suddenly, we are no longer watching RHONJ, now it’s an episode of My Super Sweet 16!! Christine’s sweet 16 party is becoming more and more about Jillian singing, no wonder they hate each other.
Oh good, we’re back to RHONJ and yet another argument between Jacqueline and Ashley about Ashley not listening and the charges Danielle is pressing blah blah blah.
Back to My Super Sweet 16! Wait, I thought Danielle hated Kim G? I cannot keep up with their friendship. Here he is! Mr. Tom Staub, he of course looks like a greaseball. Danielle begins her quest to get her ex-husband back. Danielle, remember when Christine didn’t feel well and she almost passed out on the runway? Maybe you shouldn’t ignore your daughter when she says her stomach hurts. How did all these kids luck into getting invited to his party? I kind of wish I had been there. Danielle makes sure everyone knows that these girls are HER daughters, okay; don’t forget people this is about her.
Now we get the same ending to every episode, Chris and Jacqueline talking about Ashley’s terrible behavior. Sorry I was too busy reading my twitter feed to keep up, and too lazy to hit the rewind button.
Next week:
Dina’s back!!
Kim G and Danielle break up for good!!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
7.19 RHONJ: They are all starting to blend together...
Previously on RHONJ
Albie failed out of law school (wasn’t this on last week’s previously on RHONJ?)
The epic battle is re-enacted for us…again.
We find Teresa brushing her children’s hair. Aww, parenting. Poor Joe, just imagine when these girls are ages 13-20. Nightmarish. Joe most likely wishes he had a son so he takes the drama queens to some kind of martial arts class (Tae Kwon Do! Thanks Teresa). Milania is a brat, but there is no denying that she is adorable. Gabriella, the most sensible one, wants to go out to eat. That’s how I used to feel when my dad would make me participate in physical activities. Dad encourages them to beat the sh*t out of each other. Awww parenting.
Meanwhile, in looneyville, Danielle meets up with her friends with benefits Danny (Right? They have to be sleeping together. This is before she discovered she was a lesbian 3 weeks ago on WWHL) at a boxing studio, where she is also teaching her daughters how to fight! My mom taught me self defense my chasing me around the house with a wooden spoon, no fancy, expensive boxing classes! (Sorry for writing that mom!)
Danielle pretends to be punching Jacqueline and Teresa and gets pretty intense. She is such a good role model for those girls of hers! (Has children’s services removed them from her care yet? They have to watch Bravo too, right?) And we get the line they teased the whole season with, “It only takes one good smack to the head to make a person never walk again.” How is this woman not in jail? Or, where she actually belongs, the looneybin for housewives! (Kelly Killeron Bensimon is getting lonely!)
Jacqueline! Going to Kim G’s house just encourages her to continue her quest to be on the show! Come on, I usually think you are the closest to a rational one. At least we get good, cute baby shots in this scene. Hi baby! Is the rest of this season going to focus on the hair pulling incident? Maybe Bravo should consider bringing some new housewives in to supplement. Preferably ones who AREN’T named Kim.
So now we are back to the storyline of Caroline’s kids are now adults and she is sad/Albie failed out of law school and is therefore a failure in life (not really Albie! Keep your chin up!)
Teresa goes to Poshe to see Kim D and apologize for the fashion show. New Jersey seems like a funny place. Everything seems to be located in a strip mall (or at least everywhere these women frequent.) Anyway…more talking about the fight, which I am bored with at this point. Oh what a coincidence! Kim G shows up! Let’s sidetrack here for a minute, who let’s Kim G leave the house dressed the way she always is?! For the love of God doesn’t this woman have anyone in her life that could say “Hey mom/wife/friend/employer (I’m looking at you Harry the driver!) you look like a 5-year-old playing dress-up! Go change!”
And now we get Ashley’s side of the story and we get a flashback of animal pajama night at the Laurita household. Naturally Caroline thinks that Ashley’s intentions were right because, in case you didn’t know, they’re family is AS THICK AS THIEVES. Old and gross are two adjectives I also would use to describe Danielle. Sometimes I can’t help but agree with you, Ashley. She also makes the very valid point that Danielle always talks about how she’s broke and yet spends money on luxury items like hair extensions (and Range Rovers…and Chanel bags…and Louboutins…)
Apparently Joe owns a little real estate, as in a pizza restaurant, laundromat and apartments (yikes, is this a preview of their future life…love you Teresa! Sorry I wrote that! But it might be true…) Even Joe jokes that this is their future life for when they get kicked out of their house! Yes Teresa, you are going to be living in those apartments. The editors at Bravo must have had a field day with that one!
Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like Danielle looks creepier as each episode progresses. I swear her face looks different, eyebrows higher…and maybe a little more leathery….And she totally has some Ramona eyes going on in her interviews. Danny’s friend is represents how we all feel right now….staring off into space and nodding every once in a while to pretend like he’s listening. Karma will most likely also be a huge bitch to you Danielle when your daughters go off the deep end in the next few years. That’s YOUR fault Danielle.
Albie gets the letter he has been waiting for; he can go to law school again! Yay! Can this storyline be over…?
Teresa takes her kids to show them their new home! And begins training them for their new jobs! (child labor laws, schmild schlabor laws.)
Danielle’s “friends” (I see you KIM G) come to support her as she talks to the police about the incident. Naturally, she has two attorneys for a case about a 19-year-old girl pulling her weave out. Nobody yelled that they were going to kill you Danielle. In case you forgot, there are cameras that follow you everywhere! This is all on tape in the Bravo archives!
I don’t like when Jacqueline goes places without her baby, but I guess even reality stars need a break sometimes. Instead of freaking out, like most women of the housewives franchise would, Jacqueline calmly accepts the news that Danielle is pressing charges against her. Ashley should have listened to her mother! (My mom would be so happy that I said that, but then tell me to take my own advice. Sorry again mom!)
Caroline wants Danielle to leave them alone and Danielle wants the Manzos to leave her alone…but that’s not going to happen, since they are all on a reality TV show together…how many more weeks until the reunion?!
Wait a minute, does Danielle think that people go to jail for ripping other people’s weaves out? Like, she actually thinks Ashley could go to jail for this…?
Kim G! Get off my TV! You tell her Jacqueline! I hope Jacqueline doesn’t actually want Kim G on her arm when they go to court. I don’t want them to be friends! You are so much better than that, Jacqueline!
Well, this episode was pretty boring. I hope this season perks up soon. Next week doesn’t look that promising.
Albie failed out of law school (wasn’t this on last week’s previously on RHONJ?)
The epic battle is re-enacted for us…again.
We find Teresa brushing her children’s hair. Aww, parenting. Poor Joe, just imagine when these girls are ages 13-20. Nightmarish. Joe most likely wishes he had a son so he takes the drama queens to some kind of martial arts class (Tae Kwon Do! Thanks Teresa). Milania is a brat, but there is no denying that she is adorable. Gabriella, the most sensible one, wants to go out to eat. That’s how I used to feel when my dad would make me participate in physical activities. Dad encourages them to beat the sh*t out of each other. Awww parenting.
Meanwhile, in looneyville, Danielle meets up with her friends with benefits Danny (Right? They have to be sleeping together. This is before she discovered she was a lesbian 3 weeks ago on WWHL) at a boxing studio, where she is also teaching her daughters how to fight! My mom taught me self defense my chasing me around the house with a wooden spoon, no fancy, expensive boxing classes! (Sorry for writing that mom!)
Danielle pretends to be punching Jacqueline and Teresa and gets pretty intense. She is such a good role model for those girls of hers! (Has children’s services removed them from her care yet? They have to watch Bravo too, right?) And we get the line they teased the whole season with, “It only takes one good smack to the head to make a person never walk again.” How is this woman not in jail? Or, where she actually belongs, the looneybin for housewives! (Kelly Killeron Bensimon is getting lonely!)
Jacqueline! Going to Kim G’s house just encourages her to continue her quest to be on the show! Come on, I usually think you are the closest to a rational one. At least we get good, cute baby shots in this scene. Hi baby! Is the rest of this season going to focus on the hair pulling incident? Maybe Bravo should consider bringing some new housewives in to supplement. Preferably ones who AREN’T named Kim.
So now we are back to the storyline of Caroline’s kids are now adults and she is sad/Albie failed out of law school and is therefore a failure in life (not really Albie! Keep your chin up!)
Teresa goes to Poshe to see Kim D and apologize for the fashion show. New Jersey seems like a funny place. Everything seems to be located in a strip mall (or at least everywhere these women frequent.) Anyway…more talking about the fight, which I am bored with at this point. Oh what a coincidence! Kim G shows up! Let’s sidetrack here for a minute, who let’s Kim G leave the house dressed the way she always is?! For the love of God doesn’t this woman have anyone in her life that could say “Hey mom/wife/friend/employer (I’m looking at you Harry the driver!) you look like a 5-year-old playing dress-up! Go change!”
And now we get Ashley’s side of the story and we get a flashback of animal pajama night at the Laurita household. Naturally Caroline thinks that Ashley’s intentions were right because, in case you didn’t know, they’re family is AS THICK AS THIEVES. Old and gross are two adjectives I also would use to describe Danielle. Sometimes I can’t help but agree with you, Ashley. She also makes the very valid point that Danielle always talks about how she’s broke and yet spends money on luxury items like hair extensions (and Range Rovers…and Chanel bags…and Louboutins…)
Apparently Joe owns a little real estate, as in a pizza restaurant, laundromat and apartments (yikes, is this a preview of their future life…love you Teresa! Sorry I wrote that! But it might be true…) Even Joe jokes that this is their future life for when they get kicked out of their house! Yes Teresa, you are going to be living in those apartments. The editors at Bravo must have had a field day with that one!
Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like Danielle looks creepier as each episode progresses. I swear her face looks different, eyebrows higher…and maybe a little more leathery….And she totally has some Ramona eyes going on in her interviews. Danny’s friend is represents how we all feel right now….staring off into space and nodding every once in a while to pretend like he’s listening. Karma will most likely also be a huge bitch to you Danielle when your daughters go off the deep end in the next few years. That’s YOUR fault Danielle.
Albie gets the letter he has been waiting for; he can go to law school again! Yay! Can this storyline be over…?
Teresa takes her kids to show them their new home! And begins training them for their new jobs! (child labor laws, schmild schlabor laws.)
Danielle’s “friends” (I see you KIM G) come to support her as she talks to the police about the incident. Naturally, she has two attorneys for a case about a 19-year-old girl pulling her weave out. Nobody yelled that they were going to kill you Danielle. In case you forgot, there are cameras that follow you everywhere! This is all on tape in the Bravo archives!
I don’t like when Jacqueline goes places without her baby, but I guess even reality stars need a break sometimes. Instead of freaking out, like most women of the housewives franchise would, Jacqueline calmly accepts the news that Danielle is pressing charges against her. Ashley should have listened to her mother! (My mom would be so happy that I said that, but then tell me to take my own advice. Sorry again mom!)
Caroline wants Danielle to leave them alone and Danielle wants the Manzos to leave her alone…but that’s not going to happen, since they are all on a reality TV show together…how many more weeks until the reunion?!
Wait a minute, does Danielle think that people go to jail for ripping other people’s weaves out? Like, she actually thinks Ashley could go to jail for this…?
Kim G! Get off my TV! You tell her Jacqueline! I hope Jacqueline doesn’t actually want Kim G on her arm when they go to court. I don’t want them to be friends! You are so much better than that, Jacqueline!
Well, this episode was pretty boring. I hope this season perks up soon. Next week doesn’t look that promising.
My favorite children ever are at it again!
I love these children. They are brilliant. Get them some Emmys Puh-lease!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
7/12 RHONJ: Unbeweaveable
Previously on RHONJ:
Albie failed out of law school. Don’t worry you’re cute!
The Kims continued their quest to take Dina’s spot on the show.
Danielle smartly pretends to be on the phone during the fashion show.
Danielle got mad because the cool girls didn’t invite her to their cool-girl slumber party…or something. Then they all started fighting
And we’re back at the Posche fashion show and Teresa in her chinchilla shrug telling Danielle that she’s the sweetest person. Then Teresa utters her now infamous line “is bitch better?” and now there is lots of yelling that I can’t really understand. Danielle announces that Teresa’s house is going into Foreclosure. People Magazine beat you to that one! And guess what Danielle, Teresa is STILL more likable than you! Jacqueline says she read Danielle’s court records and she beat someone with a 9mm pistol! WHAT?! That is loony. Why is this just being brushed over? I want to hear more about this!
Danielle is mad that her bodyguard is holding her. Isn’t that what he is there for? Teresa is chasing her, Danielle is running awkwardly since she BROKE HER HEEL (as she keeps screaming/sobbing over and over). Everyone else in the event is pissed, not surprisingly. You have grown women behaving like children! This is not real life. Kim G tells Teresa to calm down. Danielle hides in a bush. Security tells Teresa to show that she is a classy person, but she doesn’t want to listen. Danielle can’t move because her heels are broken (did you pick up on that yet?). Apparently she thinks they are a part of her body. Kim G violently shakes Danielle, which is the best thing Kim G has ever done on this show. Ashley emerges and pulls Danielle's weave out…uh oh, someone’s getting arrested! Apparently Danielle also thinks her weave is a real part of her body. Harry the driver high fives Teresa, that is amazing…he is only concerned about her getting close to the Bentley. Jacqueline says she feels like they’re in high school, really, she is just realizing this? Danielle is sobbing. Ashley thinks her mom is telling her to go away because she is taking Danielle’s side? Is she 5? Danielle calls 911 and tells the dispatcher that her hair was pulled. Kim G tells Teresa she is not taking sides…again, still lobbying for Dina’s spot. Why the eff is Ashley still there? And why is Jacqueline staking out the car? It’s creepy.
The police arrive and Danielle refuses to get out of the car, because naturally Jacqueline would do something to Danielle right in front of the cops. If you want to go home so bad then why didn’t you just go home..? I highly doubt that is your real hair Danielle, let’s be real here. Teresa tells that cops that Danielle is the coke whore, not her. Still keeping it classy. Of course the cops were familiar with Danielle’s drama, they have cable TV too! Danielle says bad behavior deserves consequences, you’re right Danielle, but if that were true, you would still be in prison.
Caroline claims to not be Teresa and Jacqueline’s keeper, but we all know she wishes she could be, not that her children are grown. Jacqueline’s baby is so cute I love him. Jacqueline and Teresa recount a pretty accurate story…at least from what they showed. Caroline, the occasional voice of reason, points out that Danielle got exactly what she wanted, Teresa and Jacqueline appearing like the “mean girls”
Danielle is telling Danny the story at the same time. Naturally, she says that Jacqueline belongs in an asylum and that if there had been a knife near Teresa, she would have grabbed her and stabbed her with it….riiiight…. Stop calling it your hair! It was a weave! I’m sure it was a very expensive weave! But it’s not your hair! Oh phew, she finally admits that it was beaded into her hair.
Surprisingly, there are parts of this episode that don’t involve the brawl. Albie goes to visit an attorney to talk about his learning disability, and that is the school’s fault that he failed out. Is Albie starting to sound like he has a speech impediment, or is it just me? Are they playing this learning disability up a little much?
Oh good, we’re back to Danielle. She is on the phone with her energist, which I imagine is something she heard Dina was doing so wanted to do it too. Why do I feel like this energist might also be vying for Dina’s spot as well? Wanting to talk to Jacqueline? Sounds a little fishy to me.
Teresa wants to tell Joe the story of what happened. Look it was super dramatically awesome, but do we really have to hear the whole story again? Teresa’s impression of Danielle running and hiding is pretty funny in this version of the story. I love that Joe doesn’t know who Kim G is. Aww, Joe’s small man syndrome comes out and he says that he would have beat up the huge bodyguard if he had been there.
Conveniently, Jacqueline is coming out of Posche (free advertising!) when the energist calls her. Jacqueline is hesitant, but also intrigued. Umm…the energerist kind of sounds like Danielle disguising her voice. This is very awkwardly taking place in a strip mall parking lot. She plays games on her iphone and doesn’t listen as the energist tries to remove Jacqueline’s bad energies. Luckily, Jacqueline gets a high score, which seems to take all her bad energies away
More Albie filler, so Bravo can act like this show doesn’t only thrive on Danielle drama. According to my roommate, who works in an attorney’s office, no one should want to be an attorney anyway…soooo there’s that.
Kim G. continues to pretend to be Danielle’s bestie and dress like a 10th grader. They eat cheese fries that look so delicious that I can’t focus on what they are saying. Except I believe that Danielle is going to press charges.
Unbeweavable! Ashley! Genius! Sometimes I think you act like a child but that is a #majorwin!
Is it animal theme night in the Laurita house? Ashley’s PJs? #majorloss. Ashley continues to use the defense that she thought Danielle hit Jacqueline, which is sweet, but getting annoying. Playing the victim a little too much here pinky.
Chris Laurita! The TRUE voice of reason on this show! Show her whose boss and remind her that you will have to pay for her attorney! And you tell her to shut up and get out! Ashley! Stop whining! Your life is so great!
Cute baby shot! Thankfully, he is not also dressed in an animal print. Although I wouldn’t hate it if he were dressed like a lion.
Next week! Kim G plays both sides! Danielle is crazy! Same thing as every week….
Albie failed out of law school. Don’t worry you’re cute!
The Kims continued their quest to take Dina’s spot on the show.
Danielle smartly pretends to be on the phone during the fashion show.
Danielle got mad because the cool girls didn’t invite her to their cool-girl slumber party…or something. Then they all started fighting
And we’re back at the Posche fashion show and Teresa in her chinchilla shrug telling Danielle that she’s the sweetest person. Then Teresa utters her now infamous line “is bitch better?” and now there is lots of yelling that I can’t really understand. Danielle announces that Teresa’s house is going into Foreclosure. People Magazine beat you to that one! And guess what Danielle, Teresa is STILL more likable than you! Jacqueline says she read Danielle’s court records and she beat someone with a 9mm pistol! WHAT?! That is loony. Why is this just being brushed over? I want to hear more about this!
Danielle is mad that her bodyguard is holding her. Isn’t that what he is there for? Teresa is chasing her, Danielle is running awkwardly since she BROKE HER HEEL (as she keeps screaming/sobbing over and over). Everyone else in the event is pissed, not surprisingly. You have grown women behaving like children! This is not real life. Kim G tells Teresa to calm down. Danielle hides in a bush. Security tells Teresa to show that she is a classy person, but she doesn’t want to listen. Danielle can’t move because her heels are broken (did you pick up on that yet?). Apparently she thinks they are a part of her body. Kim G violently shakes Danielle, which is the best thing Kim G has ever done on this show. Ashley emerges and pulls Danielle's weave out…uh oh, someone’s getting arrested! Apparently Danielle also thinks her weave is a real part of her body. Harry the driver high fives Teresa, that is amazing…he is only concerned about her getting close to the Bentley. Jacqueline says she feels like they’re in high school, really, she is just realizing this? Danielle is sobbing. Ashley thinks her mom is telling her to go away because she is taking Danielle’s side? Is she 5? Danielle calls 911 and tells the dispatcher that her hair was pulled. Kim G tells Teresa she is not taking sides…again, still lobbying for Dina’s spot. Why the eff is Ashley still there? And why is Jacqueline staking out the car? It’s creepy.
The police arrive and Danielle refuses to get out of the car, because naturally Jacqueline would do something to Danielle right in front of the cops. If you want to go home so bad then why didn’t you just go home..? I highly doubt that is your real hair Danielle, let’s be real here. Teresa tells that cops that Danielle is the coke whore, not her. Still keeping it classy. Of course the cops were familiar with Danielle’s drama, they have cable TV too! Danielle says bad behavior deserves consequences, you’re right Danielle, but if that were true, you would still be in prison.
Caroline claims to not be Teresa and Jacqueline’s keeper, but we all know she wishes she could be, not that her children are grown. Jacqueline’s baby is so cute I love him. Jacqueline and Teresa recount a pretty accurate story…at least from what they showed. Caroline, the occasional voice of reason, points out that Danielle got exactly what she wanted, Teresa and Jacqueline appearing like the “mean girls”
Danielle is telling Danny the story at the same time. Naturally, she says that Jacqueline belongs in an asylum and that if there had been a knife near Teresa, she would have grabbed her and stabbed her with it….riiiight…. Stop calling it your hair! It was a weave! I’m sure it was a very expensive weave! But it’s not your hair! Oh phew, she finally admits that it was beaded into her hair.
Surprisingly, there are parts of this episode that don’t involve the brawl. Albie goes to visit an attorney to talk about his learning disability, and that is the school’s fault that he failed out. Is Albie starting to sound like he has a speech impediment, or is it just me? Are they playing this learning disability up a little much?
Oh good, we’re back to Danielle. She is on the phone with her energist, which I imagine is something she heard Dina was doing so wanted to do it too. Why do I feel like this energist might also be vying for Dina’s spot as well? Wanting to talk to Jacqueline? Sounds a little fishy to me.
Teresa wants to tell Joe the story of what happened. Look it was super dramatically awesome, but do we really have to hear the whole story again? Teresa’s impression of Danielle running and hiding is pretty funny in this version of the story. I love that Joe doesn’t know who Kim G is. Aww, Joe’s small man syndrome comes out and he says that he would have beat up the huge bodyguard if he had been there.
Conveniently, Jacqueline is coming out of Posche (free advertising!) when the energist calls her. Jacqueline is hesitant, but also intrigued. Umm…the energerist kind of sounds like Danielle disguising her voice. This is very awkwardly taking place in a strip mall parking lot. She plays games on her iphone and doesn’t listen as the energist tries to remove Jacqueline’s bad energies. Luckily, Jacqueline gets a high score, which seems to take all her bad energies away
More Albie filler, so Bravo can act like this show doesn’t only thrive on Danielle drama. According to my roommate, who works in an attorney’s office, no one should want to be an attorney anyway…soooo there’s that.
Kim G. continues to pretend to be Danielle’s bestie and dress like a 10th grader. They eat cheese fries that look so delicious that I can’t focus on what they are saying. Except I believe that Danielle is going to press charges.
Unbeweavable! Ashley! Genius! Sometimes I think you act like a child but that is a #majorwin!
Is it animal theme night in the Laurita house? Ashley’s PJs? #majorloss. Ashley continues to use the defense that she thought Danielle hit Jacqueline, which is sweet, but getting annoying. Playing the victim a little too much here pinky.
Chris Laurita! The TRUE voice of reason on this show! Show her whose boss and remind her that you will have to pay for her attorney! And you tell her to shut up and get out! Ashley! Stop whining! Your life is so great!
Cute baby shot! Thankfully, he is not also dressed in an animal print. Although I wouldn’t hate it if he were dressed like a lion.
Next week! Kim G plays both sides! Danielle is crazy! Same thing as every week….
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